In Our Own Skins
by ceecee05
Summary: A Modern AU (somewhat OOC take) of the Merlin characters journey through adolescence, and their struggles to maintain friendships, and survive the joys and heartaches of love.
1. Merlin

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (1/8)  
><strong>Author: <strong> **ceecee05**  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T (this chapter contains heavy swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Merlin, Arthur, Gwen/Lance, Morgan, Gwaine, Elaine, Mordred, , Hunith (allusions to Uther, and hinted Arthur/Gwen and Arthur/Elaine)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors and Merlin's wonder pill  
><strong>Summary:<strong> When Merlin receives some startling news, what will he do with the information?  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _Okay, I know the last thing I should be doing is starting another story when I have two unfinished ones, but this idea just wouldn't leave me. It's loosely based off of the BBC show Skins. Each chapter will center around one character as interconnecting one shots. Based on how I've organized it there should be eight chapters in total. The stories will contain very serious content, and at times heavy swearing. I'm not from the UK, but I've done my best to make it still seem fairly authentic. If I've butchered the language feel free to tell me to stop trying, or even just to point out things that I should remember for the future. I'm fairly happy with this series, and I hope all of you enjoy it as much as I do! Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_. _**Morgana - Morgan, Elena - Elaine, Lancelot - Lance**_

* * *

><p><strong>Merlin<strong>

_Beep… beep… beep…_

I know what that sound means, but maybe if I pretend that I don't hear the noise it will go away.

My eyes feel heavy and try as I might I can't find the strength to open them. My arms are far too sore for someone who has just spent ten hours lying in bed sleeping. I feel like absolute shit, and recently I've started to look like it too.

_Beep… beep… beep…_

Oh why won't that thing just shut up, I'm still so tired. I try to lift my arm to shut it off, but I can't. This bug I caught is thoroughly kicking my arse.

_Get lots of sleep, stay hydrated, and remember to take your medication everyday _is what the doctor had said, but that is doing shit all on my quest to recovery. Hell, I'll even go as far as to say I feel worse than I did on that visit two weeks ago.

_Beep… beep… beep…_

Fuck it! With all the strength I can muster; I throw my arm out towards that damned clock, finally turn it off, and then proceed to plummet from my bed to the carpeted ground below.

Bloody hell that hurt!

"MERLIN?"

I know it won't be long until I hear the running on the stairs. And not to disappoint, there's Mum sprinting up the stairs like she belongs in the Olympics.

"Merlin!"

I want to scream to her that I'm alright, but I'm not so sure that I am. Every time I try to say something to her, I start coughing instead. Ugh, I must look a right mess. She's definitely going to lose her shit when she sees me like this.

"Oh my God, MERLIN! Darling what's wrong? Talk to me sweetie."

I want to tell her to calm down, but I'm too tired to do anything besides whisper out a strangled _Mum_.

"MORDRED RING 999, something's wrong with Merlin."

Please God no, oh Mum please don't do that! That's all I need; Mordred taking the piss every time I'm sick from now on. Isn't it enough he's already caught me wanking off more times than I can count on both hands, do I really deserve the added humiliation?

In the distance I can hear Mordred jogging up the stairs as he yells about needing an ambulance immediately. I can't deny that the tremors in his voice are actually scaring the shit out of me.

Mordred is the type of older brother who enjoyed torturing me throughout our youth. I still have the marks on my arms from when he thought it'd be real fun to have me ride my bike through a thin glass window like Evil Knieval. Needless to say having someone who has shown such little regard for my safety in the past now throwing a panicked fit on his mobile, is making me start to realize just how serious this situation is becoming.

"Mum what's wrong with him? He's as white as snow."

I half listen to my Mum's whispers of _it'll be okay Merlin_, and _Mummies not leaving you_. I'm starting to have trouble breathing, and can only really focus on the repetitive breathe in and breathe out mantra that's playing on a loop in my mind.

"I don't know Mordred, but something's not right. He's meant to be getting better, not turning into this."

The room grows eerily quiet as I try my best to ignore yet another jab at my physical appearance. Yes I know I've grown paler, scrawnier, and the bags under my eyes have seemingly multiplied in a few short days, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings!

"Mordred you need to go to College, you're already going to be late."

"No, I'm staying with you two."

"Mordred, I told you to get. It's your last year before Uni, and you need to make sure your grades are…"

"Mother, I said I'm not leaving, not with him like this."

I can't see them with my eyes closed, but I'm sure they're glaring at each other. When Dad up and left us about ten years ago, Mordred felt it was his duty to become the man of the house. It was also while Mordred was taking it upon himself to become this man that he and Mum started getting into it more and more. I know they love each other dearly, but it's growing increasingly difficult for me to handle all the animosity between them nowadays.

Mum doesn't say anything else, so I know Mordred's won yet another row.

The sound of the ambulance siren in the distance seems to make everyone release the breath they've been holding - including me. Earlier I hadn't been afraid, but with all the fear circulating the room it's hard not to also fall victim to its influence.

Right before the satisfying sounds of heavy knocks have even been made on the front door, I can already hear Mordred jumping down the stairs.

At the sound of voices downstairs I allow Mum's soothing arms to encircle me, and give myself a chance to relax.

"It's okay now darling, everything's going to be just fine."

-o-

I know he's joking as soon as the words leave his mouth. Yeah granted it's a pretty fucked up joke, but I'm friends with Arthur Pendragon, so I've heard my fair share of inappropriate jokes. However, he looks fairly serious as I smile back at him, and ever so slowly the grin slips from my face.

Now I'm scared he isn't joking, and Mum's damned crying isn't helping me go back to thinking this whole thing is some kind of twisted gag.

There's no better word but frigid to describe Mordred's reaction before he simply walks out of the room. Are Mum and I supposed to get up and leave too?

I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. I'm scared, angry, and depressed, but most of all I can't really feel much of anything. Is that even possible to feel so much, yet not feel at all? What the hell is wrong with me, why am I obsessing over my feelings? I should be asking the doctor questions; trying to figure out what to do from here. What can I do?

Damn it Merlin, just get out of your fucking head for five seconds and ask the doctor how to make this better, because it has to get better.

"How do I get rid of it?"

I avoid the word. I still can't believe that I'm even connected to such a word at sixteen, and avoiding it means not having to confront it right now. Mum just keeps crying - her hand tightening on my arm. Even though she isn't holding me roughly I know I'll have bruises from it later, but I just don't have the heart to tell her to let go of me.

"Well, we'll start you off with chemotherapy, and if that doesn't work we'll have to move on to radiation. Luckily for you leukemia…"

I flinch just at the sound of the word. If Dr. Gaius notices he keeps his observation to himself.

"…is a fairly treatable form of cancer nowadays"

I'm not a violent person, peace, love and all that crap, but eyebrows is asking for me to kick his hairy old ass. I know he didn't just use lucky, cancer, and leukemia in the same damn sentence.

"Look I know this must be hard for you to hear Merlin, but we're going to fight this."

We? Oh sorry my apologies Dr. Gaius. I hadn't been informed that you too just found out that you have cancer. Well it seems as if you and I really will be fighting this thing together. Oh wait, I forgot. You don't have cancer, and I'm the only one who ends up in a bloody coffin if things go bad.

I can't just sit there anymore. As gently as possible I remove Mum's hand from my arm, and go to stand by the bay window overlooking the car park; at least it's something to do.

"I'm going to schedule Merlin's first session in chemotherapy for just a couple of days from now. The treatments will be in this hospital, and I'll call you a little later with the time Ms. Emerys. I suggest having someone go with him for these treatments, either yourself or your son."

I turn back to the desk to see Mum doing her best to stop crying as Dr. Gaius hands her his business card, and a few pamphlets on coping with cancer. I already know Mum is going to read those things from cover to cover, and my laptop is not going to be my own tonight. I really hope I've deleted all my porn history.

Ever so slowly she's able to push herself from the chair to stand, and instinctively I move to help her. I know after I've done it that I shouldn't have. As soon as she lays eyes on me, she starts bawling like a child. With all the medication they gave me a couple days ago when they rushed me to casualty, I'm able to hold her so she doesn't fall to the ground. I'm still sick, but at least now with all the drugs I don't have to act like it.

Dr. Gaius lifts himself from his chair, but I softly shake my head when he starts towards us. I simply hold my mother in my arms and allow her to soak my blue jumper with her tears.

"It'll be okay Mum, I'm not leaving you."

Eventually the two of us separate and I lead her out the door with a simple nod to Dr. Gaius, which he politely returns. Perhaps I was too quick to judge the old man.

Mordred's standing just outside the door to the office with his head in his hands. When we walk out he quickly wipes his face and pulls Mum from my arms. I know he's been crying, but I also know Mordred. The last thing he wants me to bring up is him openly showing weakness.

I watch them for a moment – tightly clinging onto each other - before I slowly follow behind. I don't understand why I haven't cried yet. I mean Mum and Mordred are crying, and they aren't the ones dying. This could very well be the disease that takes my life, and I can't even muster up a few tears for myself. What's wrong with me? Since Dr. Gaius said the word leukemia in his office I just can't stop this feeling of numbness.

I feel a gentle vibration in my pant pocket, and the sound of that LMFAO song _I'm Sexy and I Know It_ quickly follows. That prat changed the ringtone I have for him again. Slowly I reach into my pant pocket and retrieve my mobile, only suffering a slight sting of pain in my arm when I do. I briefly contemplate not answering. I'm not sure if I can tell him now with everything still so new and unknown, but this is my best mate, this is Arthur.

"Arthur"

I blush sheepishly as an older woman in a wheelchair who has obviously been spying on me lifts a dark eyebrow in amusement, before shaking her head and going back to reading her magazine.

_"Merlin"_

"Stop changing my ringer, you'll make people think things that aren't true."

Because the two of us rarely spend that much time with anyone else, people tend to assume that we're more than mates. Although Arthur's popularity from being on the school's footie team makes most of these people believe that those homoerotic feelings are really only felt on my side, which they aren't. I DON'T fancy Arthur or ANY other bloke for that matter. Neither of us feels that way about the other, besides Arthur has been pinning for Gwen since we were eleven and he realized girls don't really have cooties.

_"No you love it, and it's also very true. I am sexy, and you do know it."_

I can already picture the smug smile on Arthur's face as he says it, and I scoff at the thought. Sometimes Arthur's ego is just too big to bother with.

_"So?"_

"So...what?"

_"So, did you find out what's wrong with you yet? It's just laziness right? See Merlin, how many times do I have to tell you, living without meat is unhealthy. You should come by and we'll go out and get some burgers, without that tofu crap you like. Every time I see you eat it, I'm suddenly reminded of my previous shit."_

There is that crass mouth of my best mate at its finest. Ever since Arthur's cousin Gwaine, and his family moved into Albion two years ago, Arthur's vocabulary has drastically taken a turn for the worst.

"Actually my diet is quite healthy. Dr. Gaius says I just have an infection, but everything should clear up in a couple months."

Why didn't I tell him? Arthur's my best mate. I can't just keep this a secret from him. The longer I take to tell him the worse it'll be when he finds out.

_"Whoa, must be some infection if it takes a couple of months to cure, you sure everything's alright?"_

Here's your chance Merlin, just tell him. Just scream it out and tell him. _Arthur I have cancer_. Yes, just like that. It's only a big deal if you make it one.

"Well…thing is…yeah, Dr. Gaius said it's good that they caught it early; said it could have been worse than pneumonia if I didn't come in when I did."

You bloody coward, four words, you couldn't spit out four words!

_"Well, I guess it's lucky they caught it early."_

Yeah lucky, there's that fucking word again. I can't blame him for thinking like that though. I'm the one who's too chicken shit to tell him the truth.

_"So who's this Dr. Gaius you keep mentioning? The way you keep going on about him it's making me wonder. Do you love him Merlin?"_

"Merlin!"

I look up to see that I've walked out of the hospital, and to the backdoor of my Mum's car; my hand is just there resting on the handle. When did I walk over here?

"Are you going to continue to just stand there like a lovesick fangirl while you continue to talk to your boyfriend, or are you going to get in the car?"

I look at Mordred in the driver's seat waiting impatiently for me to open the door to the car, and sit down so we can go. Mum is just quietly staring at me as if at any moment I'm suddenly going to start having a fit.

"He's not my boyfriend. God, I like girls!"

_"Keep saying it enough Merlin, and it just might come true."_

I can hear Arthur's loud barks of laughter on the other side of the phone. He knows I've had my fair share of female action, the twat.

"Look I don't love anyone, and I have to go. I'll see you at College tomorrow."

I softly open the door to the car and quickly sit down. Mordred isn't someone to piss off when he's in a mood. I contemplate wearing my safety belt, but really what's the point when you're already dying, just slower. Although after a pointed look from Mum, I securely buckle myself in.

_"Aww come off it Merlin you know I'm only taking the piss. Come over, Morgan's being a right little bitch and I need reinforcements."_

_"What did you call me you fucking bastard?"_

It's my turn to laugh, and I can't deny how good it feels to smile again. Arthur and Morgan always have a way of making their arguments amusing to anyone listening.

_"Oie, gotta go Merlin. Guessing I can't come round yours eh?"_

"Probably best to hold off on that today."

_"Even if that twat of a brother of yours is home you're still a bloody wanker for leaving me alone with the she devil, you know that right?"_

I watch the trees changing colours as we drive through the different streets on our way home. I've never been one for window gazing, but as everything quickly zooms by I realize I haven't really paid that much attention to the simple wonders that have always been passing around me. They really are quite beautiful.

_"Merlin"_

"Yeah sorry, daydreaming. You'll be fine, I doubt Morgan will kill you."

_"Oh Merlin, when it comes to Morgan there are far worse things than death. I'll talk to you later mate, might as well get some practice in."_

"Yeah, laters"

Four words is all it would have taken, _Arthur I have cancer_.

-o-

After a lot of fussing, Mum reluctantly agrees to let me go to College. Mordred's been ordered to watch my every movement, but that's better than the alternative. I'm not about to spend my day at home obsessing about whether or not my cancer is going to kill me, I need to get out and be around people.

Whether or not Camelot is the best place to go for that is another question. I'm not necessarily disliked, but I sure as hell am not popular. I know a total of about eight people by name, and one of them just happens to be my brother. I'm simply not the type that likes to draw attention to myself, that's more Arthur's thing. I much prefer working behind the scenes. I guess if it hadn't been for that incident in nursery school we wouldn't even have become friends.

I slowly walk into the common room to find Arthur sitting with Elaine. Elaine is a socially awkward (and rather clumsy) new girl that befriended me, and in the process Arthur. She's a nice girl - rather fit as well, but I've never really thought about her like that. She just instantly became one of my mates after we were introduced. Anyways it was soon pretty obvious to just about everyone but Arthur that she fancied him. Even now as I'm walking towards them Elaine's laughing her head off at a joke that probably shouldn't even have warranted a chuckle.

"Well Merlin, don't you just look dreadful. Didn't you get any sleep last night?"

"Lay off him Arthur. Everything alright Merlin?"

"Yeah I'm fine Elaine."

I roll my eyes at Arthur's comment, and do my best to ignore Elaine's look of worry. I don't want to talk about me right now. Hell, I came to school with the sole purpose of avoiding me.

"I see Morgan didn't end your life last night like I'd hoped she would. It's a shame really. Here I thought I'd finally be rid of you."

I try to appear comfortable as I sit down across from them, but I can't help but wince a little in discomfort at the tension in my muscles. The large bruise on my side when I fell off my bed is also still very much present.

"Are you sure you're alright Merlin?"

Damn she's rather persistent. No wonder she still tries with Arthur when she knows full well he's besotted with Gwen. She's definitely a fighter, should be interesting to see how this love triangle thing works out. Or maybe it's a square because of Lance? Actually Gwen's not really interested in Arthur so maybe it's just more of a straight line between the four of them?

"Yeah of course, just the medication I'm taking is making me feel a little woozy right now."

"Eh mate you want me to take you to the sick room to let you have a lye in? It'd probably do you some good to miss P.E today anyways, we're doing drills again."

This is the side of Arthur that appears less frequently, but is the main reason we're mates. Underneath it all he has a good heart.

"No, I'm okay. I don't have to participate in P.E today anyway, so no worries."

Arthur just nods his head, as his eyes drift upwards and towards the door. I don't even have to look to know Gwen's just walked into the room; the puppy dog face has been reserved for one person, and one person alone.

Before I finally decide to surrender to that little desire I have to gawp at Morgan and Gwen, I happen to see Elaine scowl at Arthur's complete disregard for her presence, and am forced to muffle my laugh behind a noticeably fake cough. Thankfully no one notices.

As usual the two don't disappoint. Fortunately for the men in Camelot, the school is fairly lenient with the uniform policies. Gwen likes to wear high boots, while Morgan often goes for stilettos. Their skirts are higher than the norm, not necessarily slutty, but enough to make boys like me sweat a little more in their presence. The top two buttons on their white dress shirts are open, and neither of them are wearing their cardigans. If only I were closer I'd have been able to see their bras.

Usually watching Gwen makes Arthur flushed and embarrassed since it's obvious what he's thinking - even though most of the men in the vicinity are on similar wavelengths. Though this morning the lost puppy dog face has only trumped his lusty gaze because hanging off Gwen's arm is no other than Lance - her boyfriend.

Lance's a nice guy, a little annoying and dull at times, but overall a good bloke. He's been with Gwen for almost as long as Arthur's loved her. If he's actually honest with himself Arthur doesn't really have anything against Lance apart from his connection to Gwen. However, that potential friendship had quickly been ruined because he and I were subjected to too many conversations about Gwen and Lance's sexual exploits since we were thirteen.

Gwaine swaggers into the room right after the three, a wide mischievous smile across his lips. His eyes sweep the room and quickly find Arthur. Contrary to the horrible relationship Arthur has with his foster sister Morgan, he gets on rather well with his cousin. The two seem to genuinely enjoy each others company. Personally I don't really mind Gwaine - he's a pretty cool bloke, but he has a way of making Arthur feel confident enough to do really stupid things that usually get the both of us in trouble.

"Arthur what did you do to Morgan? She's been in a right mood ever since she walked into school this morning."

Gwaine gives me a quick nod, Elaine a flirtatious wink, and then turns back to Arthur to hear his response.

"I didn't do anything to that harpy. I'm convinced that it's the time of the red dragon again, I'm powerless against its vengeance."

Gwaine throws his head back in laughter, and I can't help but chuckle myself. The only one who isn't amused is Elaine, and I look off in embarrassment at the shameful stare she gives me.

"You Arthur Pendragon are nothing but a pig!"

I watch in shock as a furious Elaine picks up her bag and practically runs out of the common room. What the hell just happened?

"Well little cousin it seems you offended the Lady with your blunt words, you pig."

I can tell Arthur isn't really laughing at Gwaine's impersonation. I know he hadn't meant to offend Elaine. She's his mate, but Arthur has never had a female mate before, and isn't really used to having to censor himself. Well, either have I; but knowing how Elaine feels about him, I'm sure she'll be back to adoring him by lunch. So really, no worries there.

"Don't worry about her Arthur, she'll get over it. Birds can be moody sometimes, but they always find their way back to a pretty face."

Gwaine winks, Arthur chuckles, and all I can do is force myself not to have a coughing fit. I need to take some more of those miracle pills. They basically have the same effect as morphine but in pill form, and they really do help reduce the pain in my limbs. I just need to find Mordred. He's carrying all my things for me because even with the pills I'm still too weak to carry them myself.

I quickly spot him in his usual corner of the room with a group of his mates. Mordred isn't particularly disliked by the people of Camelot, he just creeps them the hell out. Unlike me, Mordred opted for befriending people who were considered 'different' in most social circles. Would I go as far as to call my brother emo? Well, if wearing black at all times is a sign of someone being emo, then I guess I should.

He's staring at me intently, waiting for some sign that I need something. To say I'm shocked at his consideration is an understatement; I'm downright unnerved by it. I know Mordred has to love me - he is my brother - but he's never been this attentive to me before. Anytime before yesterday his attention would have just warned me that he's probably planning on doing something terrible to me, but now all its doing is reminding me that I'm dying.

I hold his gaze for a few seconds before he all but jumps from his chair and hurriedly walks towards me. I turn away from him as he approaches, and can almost feel Arthur stiffen beside me. He and my brother aren't very fond of each other. I hadn't been the only one Mordred liked to torment when we were children. Disturbingly enough, growing up I've always been afraid to leave the two alone. Mordred seemed to enjoy hurting Arthur more than I believe healthy, even at the age of seven. Needless to say things haven't gotten any better between the two with age.

"What do you need?"

I'm not surprised at Mordred's bluntness, that's how he usually speaks to me. The familiarity of the small action makes me feel relaxed again, and all I can think about is how messed up I am. His indifference makes me feel comfortable, and his compassion puts me on edge.

"Medication and my water."

Throughout our exchange Arthur says nothing, just watches as I swallow the pills down with the water. Even Gwaine is uncharacteristically quiet. Usually he'd be ridiculing something about Mordred's appearance or sexuality. Arthur has told Gwaine about a few of the things Mordred would do to torment us as kids, and naturally he hadn't liked the fact that his little cousin was being bullied. Although now, not one peep out of Gwaine, and I'm back to feeling anxious.

I give my water back to Mordred with the bottle of pills, and he quickly puts them back in his satchel before he returns to his mates. His absence is met with nothing but awkward silence.

"Merlin?"

At this moment the last thing I want to do is make eye contact with Arthur, but if I ignore him now he'll become even more suspicious.

"Yup Arthur."

I put on a forced smile, but I know he isn't buying it. Gwaine swiftly leaves with some false excuse about a girl on the other side of the room giving him the eyes. I don't mind so much, it gives me another opportunity to tell Arthur the truth.

"No bullshiting, I want you to be completely honest with me."

"Okay"

It's okay, I can do this. Arthur is pretty much the only person I could always be honest with in the past, now shouldn't be any different.

"Are you okay?"

Oh shit, how am I going to phrase it? Should I really just come out and say _Arthur I have cancer_ or maybe something more cliché like _I have bad news_. Ugh, why is this so hard, it's just Arthur. I'm closer to him than I am to anybody else, this should be easy.

"Yeah, just side effects from the medication I have to take, makes me feel weak."

Again, I actually did it again! How many chances am I going to pass up before Arthur just finds out because I've died in the hospital? He's my best matem and here I am treating him like I can't trust him.

"Why don't you stop taking them? I'm sure there's gotta be something else that they can give you, right?"

"No, I gotta take these ones, without them I'm even more of a sorry sight."

There's silence once again, and I can't help fidgeting with my sore knuckles. The pills haven't started working yet, and the bell has just gone. Everyone's milling about heading to their respective classes, but Arthur and I remain seated.

"Hey piss arse go to class or I'll tell Uther you bunked off school."

We both ignore Morgan as she, Gwen, and Lance hover close by. I know just for that reason alone Morgan will be telling Mr. Pendragon something later that night, whether it'll be true or false is anyone's guess. I'm very aware of just how much information Morgan has on Arthur.

"Eventually you'll be alright though? This illness – whatever it is – it's not THAT serious right? Ugh fuck, what I mean to say…"

For the first time I start to understand the severity of my leukemia. Arthur's never overly sentimental, but it's almost like he already knows how serious my illness really is. Watching him aggravate to find the right words actually makes me realize how much everything is going to change between us now. I won't be able to be there for him anymore, and I don't want him wasting all his time worrying about me.

"… is should I be worried about you?"

The word _yes_ is on the tip of my tongue, begging to finally come out. I want to confide in him, but then again I don't know if I can. After I tell Arthur, things won't be as carefree as they once were. He'll come up with some lame arse excuse about how it's because I don't eat meat to try and ease the tension, but at the end of it all things will have to change. If this is going to be the last year I spend in Camelot, I want to be able to enjoy it without having everyone worrying about my health.

"_Me?_ When have you ever had to worry about me you ponce? We both know that with my diet I'm going to outlive you."

I have a genuine smile on my face because I've made him laugh. After the seriousness of our conversation, I'm just happy to see Arthur laughing. Who knows how many times I'll get to see it from this moment on?

"Arthur, I think you should probably go to class soon. I'm pretty sure that after what you did to her dress, she isn't kidding about grassing on you to your dad. "

I don't even want to know what Arthur has been doing with Morgan's dress, probably trying it on to see if he'd have been an attractive woman.

"Guinevere!"

I can't help but actually laugh at the way Arthur's back immediately straightens when Gwen gently touches his shoulder. Morgan and Lance have gone so she's all alone, and sadly she now has her cardi on.

"I think we all know how your Dad gets when he finds out you bunk off school."

A miserable old sod who spits a lot while he's yelling. I can still remember that time I unintentionally broke a vase. I felt like I'd just come in from the rain and forgot my brolly. To this very day the memory still makes me shudder.

"Yeah he's so horrible. He makes it so easy to instantly lower my self-esteem at what's obviously just my idiotic way of trying to get his attention."

Arthur's eyes widen as if he's accidentally told us he wets himself before he starts hitting himself in the head, while repeatedly stating _I'm so stupid_ like a mental. Right nice job mate, maybe now I should just tell Gwen you've got an STD so her last thoughts of you aren't about your extreme daddy issues? I can tell Arthur is clearly making Gwen uncomfortable, so she cautiously turns to me.

"Alright Merlin?"

I can't help but grin at her smile, and from the now goofy look on Arthur's face, it's practically infectious. I'm sure he's just happy she hasn't hightailed it out of there after his little display - moron.

"Alright, you?"

"You know me, I'm just peachy. Though, I'd be even better if your brother wasn't staring at me."

I know Mordred is only really still here staring in our direction because of me, but Gwen's right to think that he's looking at her. Mordred like Arthur has a bit of an obsession with Gwen, though unlike Arthur's' I can admit his is a tad more on the creepy side. Mordred's feelings for Gwen just happen to be yet another reason - to add to an already large list - that Arthur isn't fond of my brother.

Arthur quickly leaps from his chair without removing his eyes from Gwen. I can't help but notice that her eyes hold amusement at Arthur's antics, but there's also something there just under the surface. Maybe Arthur has more of a chance with Gwen than everyone thinks. In my mind the straight line seems to be curving into something else entirely, though what I can't really tell. I never have been all that good at visualizing things in my mind, picture books all the way!

The two of them begin to move towards the door, Arthur's movements awkward and clumsy. Two things one wouldn't expect from one of the school's footie stars.

"Aren't you coming Merlin?"

I'm touched by Gwen's kindness. Surprisingly enough she's becoming pretty well known throughout the school as a huge bitch, but she's only ever been kind to me; even though she'd have been justified in filing a restraining order against my brother, and trying to make my life hell just because of our association. Although the realistic side of me has to acknowledge the possibility that she's just a little nervous about being left alone with Arthur and his stupidity.

"No, you two go ahead. There's something I have to do"

I ignore Arthur's many thank yous from behind Gwen's back. I know he'll fuck things up, and say something stupid to her. By the end of the day he's going to be pissed that I hadn't gone with them as a buffer.

I slowly start to lift myself off the chair I've been sitting on, my muscles now slightly looser than before. I can see Mordred about to come to my rescue, but I wave him away. What I'm about to do I want to do alone. Reluctantly he allows me to walk myself from the common room, and I smile when I don't even see him trailing behind me as I make my way into the toilets. Mordred will never know just how much I appreciate what he's just given to me.

I check each stall to make sure the place is empty before I push the lock on the door. I'm a little winded after I do it, but eventually my breathing evens out again.

I take my time walking to the stall furthest from the door. I know I'm not going to get in trouble for not showing up to P.E, and when Arthur asks where I am, I'll just say I took his advice and went to see the nurse. He won't look into it.

I clean off the toilet seat, and then sit down with my trousers still on. Little by little my head falls into my hands, and for the first time since I'd found out about having leukemia, I cry.

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><p><em>Well there's chapter one, hope you enjoyed it! I want to have chapter two (Lance) out sometime next month. Again, I'm really sorry for any grammatical errors. Review to tell me whether or not this is a story you think I should continue or not!<em> _I'm really curious to see what you guys thought :)_


	2. Lance

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (2/8)  
><strong>Author: <strong> **ceecee_05**  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains sexual content, and lots of swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Gwen/Lance, Morgan, Gwaine, Merlin, Mordred, (allusions to Arthur and Eli or Elyan)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Lance loves Gwen, but what happens when something challenges their relationship? Will they be able to survive it in the end?  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _ Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_.

* * *

><p><strong>Lance<strong>

Okay don't push her yeah. Your jumpers already off, just slowly put your hand on her bottom and squeeze. If she likes it, keep going. If not, apologize like the nob you are, and order in some take away.

I'm so pathetic it's actually become quite sad. I mean I'm snogging my girlfriend, not some random bird I pulled from the pub. Yet, here I am afraid to touch her because every time I do, she makes up some horrible excuse and then tells me I should probably piss off. Well, Gwen would never say piss off - she's too nice for that, but that's basically what she's implying.

Alright, I may not have the patience of Mother Theresa, but I think I'm pretty justified after waiting four years to make love to Gwen. When her foster Dad died of a heart attack nearly two years ago, I was there for her - never once pushed her for sex. Every time she tells me that she wants to stop, I jump off her immediately. That's just the kind of bloke I am, but come on, four years in a relationship and no sex! For God sake, I'm seventeen and still a virgin. Maybe if Gwaine wasn't my best mate it wouldn't seem like such a big deal, but he is. I'm tired of hearing him tell me how good sex is, because recently I've been feeling even more frustrated…down there. I love the woman dearly, but she's driving me mad!

Yup that's it, just keep it slow Lance, pace yourself mate. My hand has safely made its way underneath her top, and is slowly finding its way up to her bra. Gwen's lips are still firmly locked on mine so I know for now I'm in the clear.

Tonight she seems eager, so I get the sudden courage to gently lay her down onto her bed. Her foster brother Eli is off at Uni in America, and rarely comes home for visits so I know we'll have the house to ourselves. It was only the three of them, she never had a foster mum.

Oh my God is that her? Yes, that is definitely her hand moving over my cock. Fuck Gwen. Don't go touching that if you don't plane on letting me use it. I've had enough cold showers to last me a lifetime. Maybe she's just accidently brushed over my…uh… OH… YES! Nope she is definitely touching me on purpose. Her hand is now inside my trousers. Oh yes, keep going love.

_"Oh Lance"_

My hands finally make it to her bra strap, and with her soft moans as reassurance, I unhook it. After I do it I can't help but say a soft prayer that this time I won't have to stop. Her hand is making me far too tight in the trousers, and I…Wait! What's she doing? Why is she stopping? NO! Please love I'm sorry, I'll re-hook it, just go back to what you were doing with your hand.

Just when I'm about to shamefully make my way to the toilet she smiles at me, and I stiffen. I remember that smile. I've seen it countless times before her Dad died. The, _I just wanna fuck_smile that she always used to tease me with in the past. Even if we never actually had sex, I was guaranteed at least a proper suck with that smile.

Then just like that, I become a religious man. Her purple top has just landed very neatly on the floor, and the black lacy bra that I'd just unhooked along with it. My mum and dad always told me not to stare, but I'd like to meet a straight bloke who could have kept their eyes above the neck at that point. I mean I've seen her breasts before, but it had honestly been years since I'd last seen them looking so inviting. Oh shit I think I'm drooling.

"Do you like what you see Lance?"

I'm lost for words, and her hand moving back to my prick is not helping me think clearly enough to shout out the _YES_that is going off like an alarm in my head.

"I mean, it feels like you do"

I can't contain myself any longer, and I jump her. Her giggles only make me harder. I feel like I'm exploding with feelings of love for this woman, and I just need to let them out as soon as possible. Gross, that really made me sound like a poof.

I can't believe this is really it, we are really about to lose our virginities tonight! Our hands are everywhere, and all I can hear are our mingled pants and moans. Eventually my lips are sucking on her breasts, while her hands are clumsily undoing my trousers. I contemplate having her wank me off a bit more, but I quickly realize the longer we wait the more opportunities there will be for us to stop. I'm hard she's wet; I don't see the need for anything else.

While I'm pulling my trousers all the way off I notice her nervously pulling off her trackie bottoms. Shit maybe she isn't actually ready for this?

"Gwen we don't have to do anything you're not ready for. If you want to stop we can."

There I said it, and it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I'm not just looking for a lay with Gwen, I love her. I don't want our first time to be when she isn't ready. I'll wait years if that's what it takes. I don't want to, but I will.

She hesitates before answering me, and I know that whatever she's going to say I'm not going to like. I can tell something bad is about to happen just from the look in her eyes. In that instance I hate how easy it has become to read her emotions; I don't want to know what she feels guilty about.

When she eventually decides to put her trackie bottoms back on, picks up her top, and says _we need to talk_, I know that the only thing I'll be getting today is yet another cold shower. I've always known that religion just isn't for someone like me.

Once our clothes are back in order, we awkwardly sit down on the edge of her bed. I was nervous before, but now I'm downright frightened. She has her arms wrapped around herself like she always does when she's scared, and for her to be scared means that I'm really not going to like whatever she's going to tell me. The lip biting definitely isn't helping matters; it's making me anxious and horny all at the same time.

"Lance I…"

Oh fuck it must be really bad, she's starting to cry. Gwen always likes to make herself look tough. She's just not the kind of girl that wears her heart on her sleeve.

"Lance I love you"

I don't see what's so bad about that, but I put my arms around her anyways and hold her while she continues to cry into the crook of my neck. Though, I'm put on edge once again when I tell her _I love her too_and she only cries harder.

Slowly she pulls back from me and quickly wipes away her tears. She's trying to steady her breathing to be strong. When she rests her hands on top of mine I kiss them, and squeeze them back.

"Gwen, you know you can tell me anything"

I nearly cry at the look she gives me. She's so scared, and I wonder if I really want to hear what she's about to tell me.

"I've had sex with someone else"

She bursts into fresh tears, but I barely notice. I've dropped her hands from my grip, and am slowly inching towards the door. The air in the room is stifling and I feel like I'm suffocating.

_"What?"_

She's looking at me like she's afraid I'm going to leg it out of her room, and I'm a little ashamed to admit that I thought about it. How could she do this to me? To us?

"Lance you have to listen to me. I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear. I was at a party that week we were on a break…"

"You've got to be joking. You can't really be telling me that we go on a break for a week and you're already screwing around with some other bloke. Tell me you're FUCKING KIDDING!"

I'm furious. I keep looking around her room for something to break so it isn't just my heart that's shattering into pieces.

"NO! Lance it wasn't like that, you've gotta listen to me"

"I don't have to listen to SHIT. You've been lying to me for over a year. You made me think it was because you weren't ready after everything with your dad, but really it was because you didn't want me to find out you'd been slagging around town."

She slaps me pretty hard and I don't even care. I'm too angry. I've waited for her for years. That week she said she needed space to herself I spent mostly at home watching footie and hoping she wasn't finished with me. I didn't even go out when Gwaine kept telling me about parties, and the ample fannies that would be falling into my lap if I did. Yet, while I'd been thinking about her, she'd been out fucking some other guy's prick.

"Can you please just listen to me for five fucking minutes?"

I want to hear her excuse, but I don't want to forgive her. Whatever she has to say is good enough to make me take her back into my arms, and reassure her everything will be alright. She knows that, and that's why she wants me to listen to her. But right now I'm far too angry to hear her out. Right now I just want to let myself be livid for a little while longer. Maybe Gwen needs to realize that I'm not always going to forgive her every time she fucks up like I did in the past. I've spoiled her rotten, and I'm just starting to realize it.

I look at her, and slowly her anger seeps away. Good, she isn't allowed to be angry. I haven't been the one fucking around.

Her hand comes out to touch my arm, and I swiftly move away from her. From the look on her face I know the action has hurt her, but again I don't care. I want her to hurt just as much as I am, maybe even a little more.

I sadly realize there's nothing left to be said right now, and if I stay I'll only say something I'll later regret.

She doesn't follow me as I walk out of her room, down the stairs, and out her front door - never once calls my name. Although right before I get into my car I can see her peeking out the window at me. I look at her tear stricken face one last time before I sit in my car, start the engine, and drive out of her street.

-o-

My car is parked outside the Pendragon Manor, and I hesitate with whether or not to go in. I've been calling and messaging Gwaine ever since I left Gwen's house, but he still hasn't replied back. I want someone to vent to, but I don't have many close mates besides Gwaine and Gwen. The very two people I can't talk to at the moment. Morgan is definitely more Gwen's mate than mine, and I only really tolerate her because of that. But Morgan has always been nice to me, even though being a huge bitch is her default when dealing with most people. I won't say we get on, but we do acknowledge the others continued existence.

_Yeah I'm home. What happened with you and Gwen?_

This is a mistake. Morgan isn't my mate, she's Gwen's. How can I just go in and start screaming about her best mate without getting chewed out in the process. Ugh maybe I should just go talk to Dad; Mum's gone on holiday to visit Aunt Viv so I won't have to watch my language. God I really am pathetic. I rest my head in my hands, and then can't help but bang my head on the steering wheel in frustration. How did things get this fucked up?

_Tap tap tap_

What the hell is that? That isn't the horn.

_Tap tap tap_

"Are you going to continue sitting there banging your head like a mental, or are you going to come in?"

I look up and right into the amused eyes of Morgan Fay. She doesn't seem angry, so I doubt Gwen told her all the horrible things I said to her. And there it is, right on time as usual. I've been away from her for not even an hour, and already I want to go back to her house and apologize for the things I said to her. I want to hear what happened that night, but most of all I want to forgive her.

"Depends on whether or not you've got any beers inside?"

I follow her inside because she just laughs at my comment and walks towards her house like she knows I'll follow, and I can't really see any reason not to.

As soon as I walk into the door of the large house, I nod to a few of the housekeepers, and make my way to her room. Morgan's room is just about the only place I ever really visit when I come round with Gwen, well that and the kitchen.

Arthur and I aren't mates so I've never been in his room. He always has his room door closed, so I can't take a peek even if I am sort of curious. Though, I bet that wanker leaves it wide open when it's just Gwen coming to visit Morgan. If he really thinks I haven't been watching him with my girlfriend since the first day I met him, Arthur Pendragon is in for a sure surprise. All those little plans I've overheard when I went to go take a piss. I always made sure his little schemes never worked.

I finally make my way into Morgan's room, and look around hazardously for somewhere to sit. Unlike Gwen's room, Morgan's is always a mess. She doesn't care much for cleaning, and she won't allow any of the housekeepers to go around touching her things. When she's ready to have something washed or cleaned, she puts it in a laundry bin and leaves it outside her door. Outside her room the next day will be the same bin with her clean and folded clothes.

Slowly I walk over clothes and old take away boxes towards the chair in the corner that I usually sit on, but I soon notice that there are a number of clothes piled on top of it with a few of her knickers. Nervously I decide to sit down on the edge of her bed - it's the only clean area in the room.

It doesn't take long for Morgan to come in with two beers and a bag of crisps in her hands. She easily kicks the door closed with her foot, and then makes her way towards me. Gratefully I take the beer from her outstretched hand, and down most of it in one go.

"Cheers"

All she does is laugh some more, and I suddenly feel really awkward being here without Gwen. Something about this doesn't seem right. I'm not mates with Morgan, and I shouldn't be hanging out with her in her bedroom. Maybe I'll just finish the beer, and then wait outside Gwaine's place until he finally makes it home? Actually I'm sure his mum would let me in, she's always fairly nice to me.

"Alright, so what's happened between you and Gwen?"

I take another long swig of my beer; not because I really want it anymore, but because I feel really uncomfortable and it gives me something to do. I know it's stupid to feel this way - I mean it's only Morgan, but something no longer feels right about any of this.

Since when is Morgan so nice anyway? She's staring at me with a kind smile I've only ever seen her direct at Gwen, and it's really making me feel like legging it. If Gwen called her surely she'd have rushed over there to comfort her? Yeah it's been a while since I was there, but Gwen must have still sounded distraught when they talked on the phone?

"We just got into a bit of a row, it's nothing really. Everything should clear up by Monday."

Now I'm really thinking it best I just leave. I'm starting to believe that my gut feeling is spot on this time. If Morgan has spoken to Gwen I know she'd have already told her what happened between us, so why is Morgan acting as if she doesn't know. And if they really haven't spoken, how does she know something is wrong with me and Gwen?

"Actually I think I'm going to get out of here. I should probably head back now that I've had some time to cool off. Ta for the beer."

I finish off the rest of my beer and just put it on the ground, it isn't as if I'm causing such a big mess anyways. Just when I'm about to stand she puts her hand on my shoulder, and I freeze.

"Relax Lance, you're much too tense. Let me help you loosing those muscles."

Okay I'm definitely right to think something is very very wrong with this situation. Not only is she now rubbing my shoulders, but I can feel her breathing down my neck. How did I not see this coming?

"Look Morgan I'm with Gwen remember, your best mate. Now I'll forget this happened, but you've got to promise me that you won't try something like this again. We need to be civil around each other for Gwen's sake."

I pull her arms off my shoulders, and turn so I'm facing her. I'm just about to get up off the bed because she just starts laughing again, when she suddenly pulls my face towards hers. Holy shit! She's actually kissing me. Isn't she supposed to be my girlfriend's best mate? Ugh Fuck, Gwen.

I push Morgan away from me in disgust. Who the hell does something like that to their best mate's boyfriend of over FOUR years?

"What's wrong with you? You know I love Gwen. How can you even think I'd leave her for you?"

I ignore the hurt look that crosses her face. I'm not going to fall for it. I'm going to leave, but I need to make her see reason before I do. Gwen loves Morgan, and she'll be devastated when I tell her about what she did tonight. I want to help Morgan see that before it's too late.

Suddenly Morgan jumps off the bed, walks to the front of her door, and just stands there. I drop my head and sigh in defeat ready to just get up and leave, but then startle as I feel something land on the back of my head. I pull it off and see it's one of Morgan's tops. Then I drop it to the floor like it's burned me. It's the green top she'd just been wearing. Horrified I keep my eyes to the floor, and stay paralyzed to the spot. Fuck!

I can feel the heat of her body in front of me, her pale legs coming ever closer, but I don't look up. I know what I'll find when I see her, and I know I can't. _I love Gwen! Oh God, I love her so much!_

I feel a hard push that brings my body onto Morgan's bed, and I just stare at the ceiling. I'm not going to let her win. I refuse to hurt Gwen like this; she loves us both so much. I force my eyes from the ceiling resigned to get up and run as fast as I can out of this house without ever looking back. But as soon as I look up I see her above me - completely naked, I can't stop my cock from twitching in my trousers - bloody traitor.

She sits on top of my now throbbing dick, and quickly starts rubbing herself against me. Her nipples are just in front of my lips, begging me to suck them. Fuck, why me!

"It's okay Lance she doesn't have to know. I won't tell if you don't."

_Oh Gwen, I love you so much_

-o-

Yes the universal opinion is that boys that cry are pussies, but at the moment I don't really give a fuck. I'm sitting in Camelot's car park dreading the sight of Gwen.

I spent the rest of my weekend locked inside my room crying, and only crying harder when Gwen called. I'm not even mad at her anymore. I know whatever her reason for screwing that guy it wasn't because she wanted to. What's my excuse? I can't say that I was pissed, because I only had one beer. Can't say she raped me, because there'd been a few times when I was on top. I can't even say I'd gone temporarily mad, because throughout the entire thing I kept thinking I'm completely and utterly fucked when Gwen finds out.

Morgan basically convinced me not to tell anybody. _Nobody wants to hurt her_had been the fucking bitch's exact words. NOBODY WANTS TO HURT HER! I had to run out of the house to avoid putting hands on a woman for the first time in my life. I've never actually hated another human being as much as I hate Morgan, and just thinking about what we did always makes me feel dirty. Once I got back home I stayed in the shower for an hour, just trying to scrub away the memories of what I did.

Fuck, I just can't do it. I can't face Gwen. I don't want to lie to her, but I also don't want to tell her the truth. I know Gwen, and I know nothing will ever let her forgive me, even if she really wants to. As soon as she finds out, we'll be finished.

_Tap tap tap_

My entire body stiffens at the memory of who last performed that action on that very same window only two days ago. I look to the right, my eyes blazing with hate, only to see Gwaine given me a nervous wave_._I don't wave back; just unlock the doors, and wait for him to walk around the car towards the passenger seat.

"Alright what's going on with you Lance? I've been calling you since Saturday. You call me over ten times and send me god knows how many texts, and as soon as I respond you disappear. So I'll repeat what the fuck?"

I know Gwaine is really more worried than angry. Even as I sit beside him I keep my eyes on the school entrance. Maybe if I see Morgan I can just drive into her and get rid of the last piece of evidence of what I did? No, Gwen won't understand why I did it, and then I'll have to go to prison.

"_Lance?_ LANCE, are you even fucking listening to me? Mate you're acting like a robot, and I'm not going to lie it's scaring the shit out of me. What's happened?"  
>For the first time since he got into the car I look at him. The worry in his eyes breaks me, and I start crying once again. I don't deserve concern; I'm the one who fucked up. The victim is Gwen not me. I'm going to lose her all because I can't fucking keep it in my pants. She's going to hate me.<p>

"Oie mate it's alright"

I almost laugh when Gwaine starts awkwardly patting me on the shoulder. I guess it's the thought that counts.

"No, it's not. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. When Gwen finds out she's never going to speak to me again. It's never going to be alright ever again."

I know Gwaine probably thinks I'm overreacting, but he doesn't know. There won't be any forgiveness for this. I can tell her and she might stay with me but she'll never trust me again; or I can not tell her and slowly let the guilt eat away at me. Either way I'm screwed.

"C'mon Lance it can't be that bad. Gwen loves you. Just say you're sorry and buy her some chocolates, you know how she loves those French ones you always get her."

I laugh like I've gone mad, and Gwaine instantly removes his hand from my shoulder. It's just so funny. In the past something like that might have worked, but not this time. How funny would it be if it had though? _Hey love, I porked Morgan so now were even. How about some Ferrero Rocher?_

_"I fucked Morgan"_

I can't stop laughing. I'm already at the point where it's becoming hard to breathe. Just saying the words out loud are making me laugh even harder. It sounds mental just hearing it said aloud. Why the fuck would I screw Morgan Fay? To anyone who knows me, it'd be absurd to think that I'd ever cheat on wonderful kindhearted Gwen, with a coldhearted bitch like Morgan. Why can't she and Mordred just get married and move somewhere far away like Canada?

"Okay, let me make sure I've got this right. You, Lance DuLac, my best mate the poetry lover, engaged in sexual intercourse with Morgan Fay? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

He actually looks at me like I'm a psycho, and I'm sure it's not because of the laughing.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! You're right, this is bad. Alright, so you just won't tell Gwen. Morgan's not stupid, she's not going to say anything. Gwen's the only one in that school who can stand her besides pantysniffer Mordred."

During Gwaine's little speech I'm able to start acting like a sane person again, and finally stop laughing.

"Yeah that's the thing, I don't know if I can just not tell her"

Gwaine's facial expression just makes me want to start laughing all over again. He's basically looking at me as if I've just grown a baby head on my shoulder and don't give a fuck.

"Lance I get it, I really do. Chivalry, nobility, and all that honesty shit, but if you tell Gwen about what happened between you and Morgan I don't think she'll ever forgive you. No one forgives their boyfriend for sleeping with their best mate. I think it best you don't tell her. How did this even happen?"

I know he's right, but I really don't know if I can just go against my principles. I love Gwen, but I'm not sure if I can just change my morals like that to stay in relationship filled with lies.

"Gwen told me she slept with someone else at a party…"

"SHE TOLD YOU?"

"YOU KNEW?"

Alright now I'm confused. Gwaine KNEW. He knew this whole time and he didn't say shit. Well, there goes the bros before hoes mentality. Not that Gwen's a hoe of course. I mean if we can get through this she'll likely be the mother of my children, so of course I don't think she's a whore. Ugh why do I always have to do this to myself? Just stop thinking about stupid shit.

"I was at the party she told me what happened the next day."

There's more to the story than that, I'm sure of it. Gwaine's clearly uncomfortable talking about it, which always means there's more to the story. He's such a shit liar.

"Fine, whatever. So I got mad…"

_"Naturally"_

"I called you because I was angry and needed to vent…"

"Sorry mate I was with Vivienne Waters, ripe little tart she is"

I ignore his smirk and roll my eyes, of course you were you twat.

"So instead I went to the Pendragon Manor…"

"Obviously that was a big mistake, anyone could have told you that"

"Oie, how about you close your bloody trap and let me finish the story?"

He nods sheepishly, and again I roll my eyes and ignore him.

"So whatever; she comes out, sees me in the car, and then invites me in. While I'm in her room I start to get this feeling like something's not right, but I'm like it's just Morgan. Then she starts rubbing my shoulders and snogging me. Just when I'm convinced she's not going to listen to reason…"

"What do you mean listen to reason?"

"I was trying to remind her that her best mate and my girlfriend are the same people, and that what she was trying to do would hurt Gwen. I was hoping that she'd see the error of her ways"

"Why the fuck were you doing that? Morgan's an evil bitch do you really think she cares about anyone but herself? I'm telling you her and Mordred, there made for each other."

I never thought I would see the day when I'd think Gwaine was right about anything, but alas that day has come. He's right. I should have just run out of there when she first touched my shoulder. Sometimes trying to be nice to people has a horrible way of biting you in the arse.

"Okay then regardless of my stupidity in that situation, let me just finish the story."

"Fine whatever"

"So then she hops right off the bed throws off all her clothes, and comes and sits in my lap. I mean what the fuck was I supposed to do? She starts rubbing against me, and whispering my name as she touches herself."

"You've got to be joking. She really did all that?"

"Yeah, she really did. As well as a few more things I'd rather not talk about."

I blush in embarrassment and disgust that she'd even been able to make me hard.

"Oh mate, a better man wouldn't have been able to turn her away with all that. It is a little suspicious though"

"How do you mean?"

"Well she was obviously trying to seduce you - that much is obvious, but why?"

I never thought about that. I mean, I just pegged it up to Morgan being a she devil doing everything in her power to ruin my life. Why had she tried so hard to seduce me?

_Tap tap tap_

The noise nearly makes me piss myself, and I jump a little in my seat. When I turn and look out the window my heart nearly melts at the expression on Gwen's face. She doesn't need to look sorry, or feel scared. In the end it's me that fucked up royally, not her. I open my car door slowly, still not really sure what I'm going to say to her. Luckily Morgan isn't around so the guilt doesn't feel as strong, but sadly it doesn't mean that it isn't still there.

I watch her nervously kicking some pebbles on the pavement. If things weren't so uncomfortable between us I'd have teased her about going to footie practice with me tomorrow. While we're standing awkwardly together I hear Gwaine get out of my car and run into Camelot - well there goes my moral support, bloody wanker.

"Look Lance I want to apologize"

"No Gwen"

"I should have told you as soon as it happened, I was just so scared"

"Gwen you really don't have to do this"

Please don't do this Gwen. I already feel enough like shit. I know anything you say is just going to make it ten times worse.

"Yes I do, I owe you that much."

No you really don't Gwen, you don't owe me anything.

"That night I was drinking a lot. I know it'd been a while since my Dad passed, but it still really hurt. I'd been sad for so long, and the alcohol was just making me feel happy again. I don't even remember having sex with anybody, that entire night has basically been wiped from my memory. I just remember waking up with blood on the sheets, and a sore…well you know. I don't even know who it was with. You have to believe me when I tell you I love you Lance. You and only you."

Shit, now she's crying and hugging me with a death grip like she's afraid I'm going to reject her if she doesn't hold on tightly.

"It's okay Gwen, I'm not mad anymore. I'm sorry I yelled at you, and then just left without listening to you. I should have just listened to you that night, everything would have been better if I had."

I really didn't think I could feel any worse about what happened with Morgan, but now I know I can. She lost her virginity to some asshole who was only taking advantage of her, no wonder she didn't want to tell me. I don't even think she realizes that she was basically raped that night. I hold on tighter to her and can't help but cry along with her.

"Lance don't cry everything's alright now"

She's wiping away my tears with such tenderness, and I know that I don't deserve it. How could I ever cheat on Gwen? My beautiful amazing Gwen.

"We're okay now aren't we Lance? We can get through this together right?"

This is the moment I've been dreading. What am I going to choose? My morals or Gwen?

"You and I can get through anything together Gwen. As long as we remember how much we love each other, nothing can come between us."

I hold back my grimace at the sight of her smile. I've just given up everything I've been raised to believe since birth for Gwen, and the scary thing is that I don't regret it. I can't lose Gwen because of what happened with Morgan. I won't.

Gently she takes my hand into her own and we walk towards Camelot together. Right before we make our way into the building I see Mordred and Merlin coming out of their car. They're both staring at us, but it only takes a brief scowl in his direction for Mordred to look away. Merlin doesn't back down, and his stare quickly unnerves me and forces me to turn away in confusion. Merlin and I have always been civil with each other, but just now he looked at me like I disgusted him.

I try to let the look pass from my mind as I wait with Gwen to get her books from her locker, but I can't. Why had he been looking at me like that? Then I feel a chill go down my spine when I remember the two pairs of shoes on the mat going into Morgan's house on Saturday – I nearly tripped on them. One of them had been Arthur's - the nob couldn't get enough of red Nikes. The other one had been a pair of ratty old black chucks. Shoes I'd seen on Merlin's feet myself a few times in the past.

Is it possible Merlin knows about what I did with Morgan? No he can't, I never saw him when I was coming or going. Wait…Shit. No this isn't happening. I remember hearing the toilet flush right as I pulled open the door and ran down the stairs. He could have seen me when I was putting on my shoes. He could have also seen Morgan lying naked on her bed because I threw open the door, and just put two and two together. Fuck!

"Lance are you alright?"

"What?"

"I said are you ready a full minute ago, and you still haven't responded. Are you sure we're okay? You seem to have a lot on your mind."

"We're perfect Gwen"

Well perfect as long as Merlin keeps his mouth shut. I suddenly stop walking with Gwen, kiss her on the cheek, and tell her I'll see her at lunch. I need to find Gwaine before he goes to class, I need his help now. I've just realized that if Merlin knows, it's only a matter of time before Arthur will too.

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><p><em>Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Next one is Guinevere part one:)<em>


	3. Guinevere I

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (3a/8)  
><strong>Author: <strong>ceecee05  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lance, Morgan (allusions to Merlin, Tom, and Eli or Elyan)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> How will Gwen cope when she discovers that the two closest to her have betrayed her?  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _This is the first part of Guinevere. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this so I apologize in advance for any errors_.

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><p><strong>Guinevere <strong>

Morgan's room is messy, which isn't really anything new. She never lets the maids clean it no matter how many times they ask. I'm not the type to initiate an argument, so I usually keep my mouth shut about her rather disgusting hygiene habits; anything to avoid her sharp tongue. Don't get me wrong I love her to death, but I'm well aware of how stubborn she is. Morgan's still my mate – at times not always the best mate, but she was the first person to approach me with friendship when I was sent to live with Dad and Eli. Back then things had been hard, and she'd always been there for me.

As Morgan continues painting her nails I start picking up a few empty crisp bags and beer bottles, and with a heavy sigh put them in her bin. I hate myself for being such a stickler for cleanliness but I can't help it. Dad had always been a hard working parent who kept late hours, and Eli was much more interested in going out than doing housework. I was the one who stayed at home so that when they both eventually found their way through the door, the washing was folded and their food was waiting. I guess I'd also hoped that if they saw me as useful they wouldn't give me back to the orphanage.

"Gwen, could you be a darling and get me a drink from the kitchen? Just a bottle of water would be wonderful. Feel free to get one for yourself, if you want?"

I know most people don't understand my relationship with Morgan – there are times when it confuses even me; but I also know that she's always been privileged, and really just doesn't know any better. I don't mind helping her whenever I can, particularly when it just means making a quick run down the stairs to grab her a bottle of water. Dad had always taught me to be kind to others.

"Yeah sure, just let me finish folding some of these clothes, and then I have to message Lance to tell him that I'm ready to leave."

It was easy to separate the clean clothes from the dirty ones because Morgan always threw them to different sides of her incredibly large room. I guess it was one way of organizing clothes, albeit not the most efficient.

"Why don't you just tell him to stay for a visit? This last month I've barely even caught a glimpse of him, it almost feels as if he's hiding from me."

I see the little smirk on Morgan's face, but just assume she's being her usual playful self. She's really that type of girl to make it seem as if nothing bothers her, yet deep down I know it does. Especially after everything with her parents, and the way they'd basically abandoned her. That was the one thing Morgan and I shared more than anything, our feelings of inadequacy from our birth parents.

She was right though. Lance did seem to be avoiding Morgan like the plague, and I can't help but feel as if the two have gotten into a spat they don't want to tell me about.

Although, Lance has been acting differently even when it doesn't concern Morgan. He calls more often, spends as much time with me as I'll allow, and astonishingly refuses to partake in anything intimate. The first two weren't too much of a surprise when they'd started happening more frequently - Lance was just that kind of boyfriend - but the last had actually shocked me into embarrassment. There I'd been practically offering myself on a bedded platter and he'd just said he thought _we should take things slow for now._ Well, what if I didn't want to take things slow anymore?

"Don't take it personally Morgs, he's been acting really odd recently. Don't have the foggiest why, but I'm sure he'll blurt it out eventually. He can never keep secrets hidden for very long. Remember how quickly he told me about the surprise party you he and Gwaine were planning for my birthday last year?"

I can't help but giggle at the memory. One day I'm really going to have to teach him how to keep a secret for longer than six days if I ever plan on being surprised in the future.

"Yeah, I'm sure sooner or later whatever secret he's trying to hide from you will come out with a bang."

I give an unsure smile in her direction, and then quickly move to get my mobile. I wouldn't have admitted it to anyone if they'd asked, but Morgan's smile was sending a heavy chill down my spine. It just looked so malicious.

_Ready to go, can you come round now?_

It didn't take more than a minute before he responded with a _yeah be there soon_. I put my mobile back down on one of Morgan's dressers, and decide now is as good a time as any to get her water. Gwaine's place isn't too far from the Pendragon Manor, and I'm sure that's where Lance is now.

As I make my way down the large spiraling staircase and into the oversized kitchen, I instantly let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

Nowadays I feel bad admitting that I'm relieved to get any excuse to leave Morgan's presence. She's been making me feel uncomfortable around her for just about as long as Lance has been distant, and for a while I've been wondering what's really going on with the two of them? I'm not oblivious – as much as I sometimes pretend to be when I'm around them – I know something's happened, but I just don't know what?

I open the large stainless steel fridge and grab the bottle. I quickly contemplate taking one home with me, but simply shake away the thought and close the door. I've already gone to the market for the week, and paid all the bills so there'll be plenty of water from the pipe when I get home.

I nearly drop the bottle when I feel something make contact with my shoulder. It's the weekend so the housekeepers and kitchen staff have the day off.

Slowly I turn to the perpetrator with the water raised ready for attack, only to see Arthur standing there uncertainly looking between me and the bottle, and I can't help but laugh. Sometimes he truly is too adorable for words.

Instantly forgetting my problems with Morgan and Lance, I smile at Arthur and embrace him. The hug lasts much longer than it should, but neither of us moves to stop it. Arthur's body is warm and soothing, and at the moment it's exactly what I've been craving. He's always had a way of making me feel better, even without having to say anything at all.

Eventually I'm able to pull away from him, and I mentally scold myself for missing the feel of his body on mine. Arthur's practically Morgan's younger brother, and besides I'm with Lance; I have to stop thinking about him as anything other than a mate. Not to mention that I'm nothing but an orphan, and his father would probably have me assassinated if anything romantic ever happened between us. All these feelings I've been ignoring will just have to remain dormant. I've been able to go years without having anyone realize Arthur isn't the only one that's harbouring a crush, because really that's all it is. A meaningless crush that I've been feeling since the moment I met him.

"Guinevere, I'm sorry I scared you. I was just…I saw you bent over and I thought…Shit no, that came out wrong, I didn't think THAT."

My eyes widen in amusement at Arthur's nervousness, thank God I'm better at hiding my feelings than he is. Otherwise we'd just be stumbling over our words each time we're in the same room, which would definitely cause some suspicion in our mates.

"Well of course I wasn't thinking about you bent over…Well I was, but…Fuck, what I meant to say was that I wasn't staring at your arse. It was just there in front of me so you know I saw it but…"

"_Arthur_"

Over the years I've discovered that the best way to stop Arthur's nervous ramblings is to draw his attention away from his jumbled thoughts and onto myself. As long as I always have a soft smile on my face he usually starts to relax. Though, sometimes he's just so cute that I can't help but let him stew a little longer.

"Shit, I'm doing it again aren't I?"

"Yes you are"

We laugh lightly amongst ourselves, and I find myself unconsciously moving closer towards him. I notice that Arthur's breathing becomes more erratic when I do, but to save him the embarrassment I pretend as if I haven't.

I'm not going to snog him or anything, although I do think about what it would be like to kiss Arthur now that we're more experienced. It's hard to explain my feelings when it comes to Arthur and Lance. I love Lance, he's absolutely wonderful, but Arthur's…Arthur. I've just always had this connection with him that I can't put to words.

"I just, I don't want to say the wrong thing to you. Plus, I'm shit with words so everything I say comes out crap anyway. Ugh, you must think I'm a bloody mess."

I don't know why, but my hand instinctively moves to his face and starts caressing his cheek. Immediately they tint a bright red, and he gaps at me in bewilderment. Again I pretend as if I haven't noticed the effect I have on him, and continue to stroke his heated face. I haven't really been alone with Arthur for more than five minutes since we were children, either Merlin, Gwaine, Morgan, or Lance is with us too.

"Anyone can say nice things if they try hard enough Arthur, it's your actions that show people what kind of person you are."

His breathing is rapidly increasing again, and I think mine is too. My face flushes once I remember our close proximity to one another, and the way his eyes keep glancing down to my lips. I know I'm in dangerous territory. Moreover, despite what I may lead others to believe, I already know I care about Arthur more than I should.

"You Arthur Pendragon are one of the finest men I know, and you've always been like that. Sure you can be arrogant at times…"

We both smile at the various memories of Arthur acting like a spoilt brat. I'm also very aware that his head is now slowly inching closer to mine, yet for some reason I don't move away.

"But you're such a good person just the way you are. You don't need to be anyone else, and please don't ever let anyone make you believe that you need to be. If you did you wouldn't be the Arthur that I…"

His lips are soft on mine, and the kiss is so gentle I think he's afraid he'll frighten me off; as if legging it has even crossed my mind. The last time we snogged was at his eleventh birthday party, and it had been somewhat similar to this one – very naive and sweet. I cup his face with both hands and deepen the kiss, I want passion not innocence.

He groans into my mouth when my tongue begins wrestling with his. His hands are creeping underneath the hem of my jumper, and I moan at the feeling of his hands on my skin. Lance has always made me excited, but Arthur's turning me into a madwoman.

I know that I shouldn't be snogging Arthur when I have a boyfriend, but at the moment I can't force myself to care. I need Arthur, and strangely enough even my love for Lance isn't making me want to stop touching him.

"_GWEN, WHERE'S MY WATER?"_

That does it. At the sound of Morgan's voice I rip my lips from Arthur's, and put some much needed space between us. My hands are shaking, and my lips are still tingling from the feel of him. What have I done? Oh my God I'm such a horrible person. I just cheated on my boyfriend with my best mate's little brother.

Slowly I look into his heavy lidded eyes, and tremble at the sight of all his emotions flickering in front of me like a film. His hair and jumper are disheveled, but I don't remember touching either. His breathing seems to be as labored as my own, and his lips are now pouty and swollen. I look at him and am reminded of how badly I've screwed up, but more than anything I'm reminded of how much I still desire him. I just want to drag him to his room so we can finish what we started. Why did Arthur have to grow up to be so damn fit?

"What are you her servant?"

I know Arthur's giving me an out. His eyes won't meet mine anymore, and I know that if I go along with his plan I'm going to hurt him desperately. I also know that the false smile on his face is for my benefit as much as his own; anything to hide the extent of his feelings after what just happened between us. I want to hold him and tell him everything's okay, that I do care for him and always have. That kissing him had awoken feelings in me that not even Lance had ever produced. Instead I bend down and pick up the bottle I dropped during our heated exchange, before practically running out of the kitchen.

I'm not supposed to have feelings for anyone but Lance. Lance and I are perfect for each other. His family was really close to my Dad even before he won a lot of money off the lotto, and even with him gone they still check up on me. Lance is the right decision. He knows me better than anyone else, and even though everyone left me, I know Lance never will. He'll always be there for me, and right now that's what I need – stability; Arthur can't give me that. The two of us are from different worlds, just lusting after each other, that's what it is. I don't really care for him the way I think I do, I can't.

"_Gwen, Lance is on your mobile."_

I run up the stairs, and away from the reminder of what I just shared with Arthur. I can be happy with Lance…No I am happy with Lance.

As I make my way into Morgan's room I see her smiling while on the phone, a black polished finger on her lips telling me to stay quiet. I nod uneasily when I notice it's my mobile she's on, and uncertainly move closer to her when she beckons me forward.

"That's not very nice Lance, perhaps if you don't change your tone I'll accidentally let something slip."

She quickly places the phone onto my ear, and I almost recoil at the look she gives me. I've only ever seen that look on her face when she'd keyed Sophia Staff's car because she started dating Alan Varr, some bloke Morgan had been interested in at the time.

"_If you open your fucking mouth to Gwen and tell her we had sex, I promise I will make your life a living hell. Is that understood Morgan?"_

"You what?"

The bottle instantly drops from my hand, and onto the floor. This can't be happening. Lance and Morgan wouldn't…Why would they ever? Was it still happening? My boyfriend and my best mate, well at least I thought she was my best mate. Morgan looks as if Christmas has come early, and she's gotten exactly what she wants. I'm so furious I can't stop myself from slapping her right across her smug face. After everything we've been through together, everything I've done for her, she does this to me?

"_Gwen? Gwen, is that you? Love it's not what you think, you have to believe me. I never wanted to hurt y…"_

I drop the call because the sound of his voice is only making me angrier. I don't care what excuses either of them have.

I knew after what had just happened with Arthur that I shouldn't have been so angry, but I planned on telling Lance the truth as soon as I saw him, and he'd been keeping his fuck session with Morgan a secret for over a month. It must have been for as long as he'd been acting strangely, it was the only logical explanation.

Morgan didn't seem to mind that I'd struck her, but what really pissed me off was her gloating smile. How could she be so happy about hurting me like this? I thought she was my best mate.

With my mobile still clutched tightly in my hand I storm out of Morgan's room. I don't know where I'm going; I just know I need to get away from her. I make it to the front doors, but don't actually turn the cool brass handles. I just anxiously tilt my head so it's resting on the heavy wooden frame. Lance is probably outside waiting for me, and I can't stay in here with Morgan so close. I'm stuck with nowhere to go.

I kick and punch the doors until my legs hurt and my knuckles are raw. The two people I've always thought I can count on have betrayed me in the worst way possible. The only thing that could possibly make this any worse is if Lance tells me he loves Morgan, or Morgan says she's pregnant.

"Guinevere, what in God's name are you doing to yourself?"

No Arthur, please not now. I'm too emotionally drained to be reminded of my feelings for you. This is all so fucked up. The day I find out my boyfriends been shagging my ex-best mate, is the same day I snog my ex-best mate's younger brother. This was all just turning into an awful episode of Coronation Street.

He pries my hands from the doorknobs, and lifts them to his eyes to inspect the damage I've done to them. I'm ashamed that even after how I've treated him Arthur's still being kind to me. I'm not worthy of his kindness.

Ugh, I'm such a hypocrite. I know Lance doesn't love Morgan, and whatever happened between them was just lust, but as much as I try to convince myself that I don't love Arthur, deep down I know the truth. The way my heart jumps in my chest at his touch is evidence enough.

"It's nothing for you to concern yourself with Arthur."

He places both my hands into his left hand before wiping my tears with his right. I didn't even realize I've been crying. His hand's rough, but his fingers move so gently across my skin that it brings more tears to my eyes. I don't deserve him, but God do I want him.

"Oh Guinevere, if only it were really that simple. I can't bear to see you cry and do nothing but watch; especially when you're usually so good at hiding your emotions. The only time I've ever seen you cry was at your father's funeral."

He lifts my chin so that all I can do is gaze into his captivating blue eyes; even when I struggle to avoid looking at him, he keeps my chin rooted to the spot. No one has ever looked at me the way Arthur is now, and for the first time since I was twelve years old I feel self-conscious in front of him.

"Now Guinevere I need you to tell me exactly what happened?"

I watch him as if I'm looking at a different person. This is the Arthur that I've always known he could be. The one Merlin would always tease me about never getting to see, because that Arthur was allergic to me. I've always known that beneath his nerves lies a strong man. He's overcome so much, and even under the influence of his father has succeeded in becoming a good person who cares about others.

"Lance shagged Morgan"

"He _what?_"

I cry even more at the possibility of what that could mean. Did Lance not find me attractive anymore? Was I even pretty to begin with? Maybe he didn't really love me as much as he always said he did? Without Lance and Morgan did anyone love me anymore?

"What a fucking nob. I knew he was an idiot, but even I didn't know he was that much of a fucking idiot. Morgan's such a bitch, but why the hell would she hurt you of all people? You're the only one in the world that can stand her presence for more than ten seconds. I mean really what were they even thin…I'm sorry Guinevere, that was insensitive of me."

"No, it's just I don't understand how any of this happened. I thought they lov…"

My voice breaks on the word _loved_, no one loves me. Without Lance and Morgan I'm now truly on my own. I just wish I knew why they'd had sex? Although I don't think knowing why they did it will make me feel any better.

"They betrayed me and then lied about it for weeks. I just…I just want to go home, but I know he's out there and I can't face him right now."

I wipe at my tears furiously, hating that I'm acting so emotionally. After spending years crying over parents that had chucked me out of their car, and left me at the entrance of a hospital when I was six; I promised myself that I would only cry for people that were worthy of them, and Lance and Morgan certainly don't deserve my tears.

"Alright then let's go. Do you have everything with you?"

I look at him as if he's gone mad. What's he going on about? Where exactly are we going?

"Go where?"

Arthur chuckles at my cluelessness, and I can't help but tug my lips up in a small smile. His happiness is contagious, but I really don't know why he seems to be in such good spirits.

"I'm taking you home. I'm not as small and scrawny as I used to be. I'll protect you from Lance and his amazing stupidity. It'll be just like when we were younger and I was your knight in shining armor."

I don't know how he managed to do it, but I find the sound of my tears slowly being replaced with genuine laughter.

"Even though Merlin always said you were such a prat that you acted more like a spoilt King than a dashing knight."

"Well what does Merlin know; he always played the coward huddled in the corner."

"He was secretly a warlock sworn to protect us from the evil witch. He gave himself the role."

"I don't remember him having magic?"

I giggled at the confused pout now gracing Arthur's face. How is he able to make me feel this way?

"Hence the secret part, we weren't really supposed to know, but I'm a little more observant than you are. How else could we have possibly defeated an evil witch on our own without magic of some kind on our side? Merlin was always a hero, you just never noticed."

Arthur's expression becomes somewhat pained, and forgetting my own issues I reach out to him, but falter when he releases me. I don't know what I said that could have caused such a reaction.

"I always thought he was just being a coward, and all that time… Morgan never really was playing a role when she was an evil witch."

My smile drops at the memory of Morgan playing with the three of us; well before games became _too childish_ for her.

"I'm sorry, I was just…I shouldn't have said anything."

"I left my purse and coat by the dresser near the tele. The purse is black and the coats…"

"Lavender I know. I'll just go get them then."

I give him a brief nod before he runs up the stairs to Morgan's room. I can hear a few harsh curses being yelled between the two, but I try my best to ignore them. This entire situation feels so awkward. I never thought I'd ever be in this position.

A couple minutes later Arthur's jogging back down the stairs with my purse in his hand, and my coat draped over his arm. He tries to remove the scowl from his face before he reaches me, but fails miserably.

"Shall we?"

I quickly put on my coat and shoes, as Arthur does the same. I try to steady my breathing before walking out the door behind him, but nothing's really working. The cold air feels nice on my face, and somewhat helps to relax my muscles, but I'm still quite tense about seeing Lance right now. Even though he hurt me I still love him.

I catch a glimpse of him getting out of his car, and know he's probably making his way towards me, so I move a little closer to Arthur.

"Gwen. Love, I'm so sorry. I know that means fuck all to you right now, but I need you to know that I love you more than anything, and I never meant to hurt you."

My heart thuds in my chest as Lance continues moving towards us. I can't be around him right now my feelings are still too erratic. When he spoke it made me angry and sad, but more unexpectedly it was making me want to forgive him. I know whatever happened with Morgan had been her doing, but it hurt that Lance had given in so easily to temptation. If he truly loved me doesn't that mean he wouldn't have slept with Morgan?

"Why don't you just leave her alone right now? It's not easy finding out that the two people you trusted most in the world have betrayed you. As strong as Guinevere is I think it best you give her some time alone."

I stay behind Arthur when he starts calmly speaking to Lance. I can't see his face but from what I can feel emanating from his body heat he's furious.

"YOU THINK? Who the hell are you in any of this Pendragon? You must really think I'm too bloody daft to know what you're trying to do."

"No, I know you're stupid. Anyone who would give up Guinevere for a night with that she devil is out of their fucking mind."

I remain behind Arthur contemplating whether or not I should do something to stop what is sure to turn into a fight.

"Look you don't know what happened…"

"No you look. If you really love her you'll leave her alone, and give her some time to process everything. You and I both know that you and Morgan are the only people that Gwen thinks she has right now. After everything she's been through with people coming in and out of her life, she never thought that would happen with you two."

I stare into the back of his head in wonder. He's basically voicing my inner thoughts and feelings without even having to ask me directly. Somehow he just knows.

"She loves you"

I can hear the pain in his voice, and shudder at the sadness it fills me with. How could I possibly care about both these men so much?

"…but you being here right now isn't helping her. She needs time to think about whether or not she can ever truly forgive you for what you've done."

I rub soothing circles on Arthur's back, hoping to help calm the nerves I start to hear enter his voice; while also wiping a few tears from my eyes.

"Alright, I'll give her some time, but I'm not giving up. I love you Gwen, and I know I've said it so much already, but I truly am sorry."

I don't move from behind Arthur, but I can hear the defeat in Lance's voice. I do feel bad about ignoring him the way I am, but I can't bring myself to face him yet.

The engine from Lance's car is the last thing I hear before Arthur takes my hand and leads me to his red Lamborghini. The man really does love the colour red.

"I know you've heard it enough already today, but I'm sorry all of this is happening to you Guinevere. You don't deserve any of this."

He doesn't wait for a response as he closes the door and walks around to the driver's seat, and honestly I don't have one.

The drive to my house is quiet, the only sound coming from the loud music blaring from the car stereo. There are a few times during the ride when I'll turn to him with a horrible excuse for a conversation on the tip of my tongue, but at the sight of his hard jaw set in a straight line and his hands nearly strangling the steering wheel, I decide to keep my mouth shut.

Now we're sitting awkwardly in front of my small house unsure of what to say, well at least I am. Thank you didn't seem like enough after everything he's done for me today. I was feeling so alone, and he helped me remember that I'm not.

"Thank you Arthur, for everything. You didn't have to, especially after I just legged it out of the kitchen like that."

I put my head down and away from his face when I see his ears going red. I don't want him to feel embarrassed.

"Without you I don't know what would have happened after I'd found out. You reminded me that I haven't lost everyone…_yet_."

"STOP IT"

I jump at the sudden increase of volume in his voice. Arthur has never raised his voice to me ever, and we've known each other for years.

"Stop letting Morgan and Lance make you feel like you're shit."

My breath catches in my throat, how can he possibly know how I'm feeling?

"Yes, I saw it all over your face when we were talking earlier. Morgan's a conniving bitch. Lance is an idiot who doesn't really know how to treat someone he loves. Eli's a wanker for not maintaining contact with you after Tom died. But most of all your parents are fools for giving up the best thing that they've ever done in their miserable lives."

By this point I'm starting to feel light headed, and am reminding myself that I still need to breath. Arthur is literally taking my breath away.

"None of them deserve your love after the way they treated you, and if you do decide to give Lance another go. I need you to promise me that you're doing it for the right reasons."

I don't know exactly what he means by that, but all of a sudden I feel too exposed to ask him anything. Arthur's reading me so easily that it's making me feel very vulnerable in front of him.

"No matter what happens I'm always going to be there for you Guinevere, even if it's only as one of your mates."

"Arthur I…"

I'm so tongue tied I can't even put to words how I feel at this very moment. What have I done to be worthy of Arthur Pendragon's love?

"I don't want you to say anything Guinevere. I said all that because it's true, not because I want anything from you. I hope…no I need you to know that if you ever need me, all you have to do is ring me and I'll be there."

We stare at each other for quite a while after that, and there's even a moment when I think he's going to kiss me, but he quickly turns his head away to look out the window.

"Thank you again Arthur. You truly are growing into an amazing man."

I smile at him, but he doesn't turn back towards me, so I get up and leave the car without another word.

Once I make it to the door I can hear his car backing onto the road, but I force myself not to watch him leave. I need to be strong. I'm used to being alone. Maybe I deserve to be alone? No, no Arthur's right, I can't keep basing my self-worth off of negative people in my life. Sometimes people are going to hurt you, but that doesn't mean you deserve it. Sometimes you'll also be lucky enough to meet good people who want to be in your life.

Nervously I pull my mobile out of my coat pocket and dial. When it goes to his voice mail, I leave a message and then start making dinner - hopefully for two.

_Hey, I'm just about to make some food, was wondering if maybe you wanted to pop round and join me for dinner later?_

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><p><em>There is still SO much that is going to happen in the next one that I'm worried I'll have to make it three parts instead of two, but I'll do my best condense all my thoughts. The next half will have a little more background into Gwen's past. As well as much more Arthur and Gwen, and a brief look into their childhood when their feelings started. Some much missed Merlin, and some more insight into what happened the night Gwen lost her virginity.<br>_

__ Thank you for reading, and hope you enjoyed:) Please message me with some of your concerns or questions, and I'll try and answer as much as I can without giving too much away. I'm sure many of you are curious about Morgan's actions in this chapter, but sadly that is not going to be answered in depth for a while._  
><em>


	4. Guinevere II

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (3b/8)  
><strong>Author: <strong> **ceecee05**  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains strong sexual content, and some swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lance, Gwaine, Merlin, Elaine, Lance (allusions to Morgan, Uther, Tom, Eli or Elyan, and Arthur/Elaine)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Gwen and Lance are finished, and her feelings for Arthur are growing, but what happens when there's trouble in paradise?  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _ Alright so here is the second part of Guinevere's chapter, and it's pretty long. There is a fair bit of sexual content, hence the mature rating. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_.

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><p><strong>Guinevere II<strong>

I saunter into the common room as if I'm walking on a cloud. Most people are looking at me as if I've lost my mind. Yes, my boyfriend turned out to be a lying cheat, and my best mate an evil bitch, but I've found that my life hasn't come to a sudden end like I thought it would. There are times when I do miss Lance, and on the rare occasion Morgan, but Merlin, and Arthur have been wonderful to me; Arthur more than anyone.

I blush as I sit across from Merlin. Arthur had been at my door only a few minutes after I rang him, and as we'd enjoyed dinner he'd made me laugh and smile all night. I'd really wanted him to stay the night - not for anything intimate, but because I just didn't want to be alone. Though, in the end I thought it best not to make our newly rekindled friendship uncomfortable with such a request. I knew he would have if I'd asked, and that's all that matters.

"Let me guess, Arthur on the brain?"

Embarrassment quickly crosses over my features before I try and hide it with indignation. I can't be so transparent; it's only been a couple weeks. Surely Merlin hasn't caught on to my feelings, and if he has what if Arthur has too.

"Of course not! I'm just happy for the weekend. Any excuse not to have to see Lance and Morgan every day."

My smile slowly fades, and Merlin looks guilty. Actually, every time I mention their names he looks guilty, but I don't have the heart to ask why. While I was in my own little world with Lance, Morgan, and Gwaine, I'd never paid all that much attention to Arthur and Merlin besides idle chitchat here and there. After everything that happened with Lance and Morgan, Merlin hasn't once looked at me crossly for falling back on he and Arthur for support. Merlin even holds me in his arms, and lets me soak his cardi whenever I skip Maths class because I have it with Lance and Morgan. I never ask why he's not in P.E.

"Gwen there's something I need to tell you. I haven't really had the courage to tell you before, but I owe you an explanation."

I'm not going to lie his words are making my stomach queasy. I don't know if I can handle any more painful truths after what happened the last time.

"I knew about Lance and Morgan, well I didn't know for sure. I saw him running out of the house, and well…"

I hide a small giggle behind my hands at the red blush that is now dominating Merlin's very pale face.

"I also saw Morgan lying naked on her bed. You have to believe me; I didn't know for certain what had gone on, so I didn't want to tell you and break your heart. I was hoping it had all been Morgan trying to seduce him, but a part of me knew that something more had happened. I'm so sorry it took me so long to say anything Gwen, please forgive me."

How can Merlin possibly think I'd ever be angry at him for that? He was in a delicate situation, and without any proof I probably wouldn't even have believed him. Well, without hearing it from Lance I most likely wouldn't have believed anyone.

Although, secretly I will admit that I was hoping Merlin was going to finally fess up about what's going on with his health. As much as Arthur wants to live in denial, I know Merlin's lying about this illness he's slowly _recovering_ from. The same illness he has yet to give a name to.

I gently take his hand in mine, and give him a soft smile. I shiver at how cold and bony his hand feels, and have to force myself not to cry at how scared I really am for him.

"You have nothing to apologize for Merlin. I can't even imagine the position you must have been put in holding that kind of secret from everyone because I know Arthur didn't know."

I quickly hesitate. I need to remember to pick my next words carefully.

"I'm glad that you've finally told me the truth, and I want you to know that you can always tell me anything. I know we haven't really been close for a while, and really that's all my fault, but I need you to know that no matter what's wrong you can always come to me."

He looks at me sadly, and I'm actually terrified at the pain I see in his eyes. At the sight of tears, I immediately reach for a tissue out of my purse, and dab at his face before squeezing his hand in assurance that I'm still there with him.

"I…I met a girl. She's sweet, kind, funny, really fit, and she fancies me."

I'm surprised at the turn the conversation's taking, but I don't say anything to stop him, just giggle at the small grin on his face. We move closer together so it looks like we're secretly conspiring when the noise from the others in the room starts to elevate. We're just smiling at each other, and I'm so happy to see the Merlin I used to know without the hidden sadness behind his eyes.

"Does she go to College here? What's her name?"

"She doesn't go to Camelot anymore; she can't."

I frown as he swiftly turns his head away from me, but I remember not to press him for any information he doesn't want to willingly give.

"Her name's Freya and she's brilliant. From the first moment I met her, I've felt so comfortable with her. I can say and do anything because she just lets me be myself, but most importantly she likes who I am. I think I…"

I move in closer to Merlin when he turns back to look me in the eyes. I've never heard Merlin talk about a girl like this before. Sure he'd had a little crush on Morgan when we were younger, but after he'd pushed her for hitting Arthur that fascination had quickly ended. Since then I wasn't really sure who Merlin fancied. Though, I had seen him with a girl named Nina a few times when he was in Year 9. She was a definite slag.

"I think I'm in love with her."

My smile grows at his declaration. Merlin in love, I never thought I'd see the day. I desperately want to meet this girl that has captured Merlin's heart, but I'm afraid to ask too many questions and risk having him close himself off once again.

"Oie, what's this then?"

My wide smile falls, and Merlin and I quickly separate from each other. I don't know why I feel so nervous, it's only Arthur.

"I didn't know that I needed your permission to talk to one of my mates Arthur?"

My eyes narrow at him, and he has the decency to look ashamed. Merlin and I were only talking, and even if we weren't he can't just act like…well, like an overprotective boyfriend. I keep my mouth shut when I see Elaine linking their arms, or touching his arm way too many times for absolutely NO reason! So who is he to get angry at the sight of me just talking to Merlin, and holding his hand in comfort. I've known Merlin since I was eight, and he'd only known Elaine for a little over four months now. Not to mention how obvious it is that she fancies him.

"I wasn't…I mean I didn't think…I'm sorry."

Merlin laughs beside me, and it takes all my self control to keep my face blank and not join in. I never can stay mad at Arthur for long.

I help Merlin to stand, even though he's swatting me away with his hand. He won't admit it, but I know he's grateful for the help. I already know Arthur's looking away from the scene, out of sight out of mind as the saying goes. Whether either of them wants to acknowledge it or not, Merlin's seriously unwell.

"Alright, well I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight."

The four of us are nearing the car park, and I'm not happy with the fact that Elaine's been following us. Usually she's not even around after College. When I asked about it a couple days ago Merlin told me that she works a lot. Well, why isn't she working today?

I hate feeling like such a bitch, but I can't stand the way she fauns over Arthur, as if he actually feels the same way about her that she does about him. I guess it's possible he could. My eyes quickly move to Arthur as he opens the door to the black Mercedes Benz he's been forced to drive to accommodate both Merlin and myself. Although he's not opened the driver's door but the door to the back, and Elaine's just hopped in with a rosy blush gracing her cheeks. My shoulders slump at the thought of Arthur and Elaine. Maybe he does have feelings for her?

"Guinevere, are you really going to make me stand here all day?"

My eyes lock onto his, and he smiles at me before nodding to the still open door. As I walk towards him our eyes don't leave the others face, and I feel as if I'm floating. Arthur is so wonderful, and I care about him so much, but Lance and I only just split up. How can I just jump from one bloke to another?

"GWEN!"

Instantly the connection is broken, and I see Arthur's face harden at the person coming up behind me. I know it's Lance, a couple weeks couldn't make me forget the sound of his voice. Arthur starts moving towards me, but I shake my head at him. I'm done being a weak little girl that lets others fight her battles. I can see Arthur's not happy with my decision to leave him out, but when he steps back I know he respects it.

When I turn to face Lance, Gwaine quickly scurries off with a quick nod in my direction. He always knows how to stay away from awkward situations, no wonder he's been able to keep that secret hidden for so long.

"Lance, what do you want?"

I'm tired of the messages and voicemails telling me how sorry he is, and how he'll do anything to make things right between us. There were a few times when I wanted to believe that if he promised to never talk to Morgan again, and attach himself to me at the hip things might work. But that wouldn't be fair to either of us.

As strange as it is to believe, I do forgive him for what he did with Morgan. Lance isn't a bad person; he'd just done a really stupid thing. My problem isn't forgiving Lance, but trusting him again. Not to mention Arthur. Before I could ignore my feelings, and just keep thinking Lance is better for me. But after spending practically every day of these last two weeks just talking and laughing with Arthur, I'm not so sure he is.

"Gwen, please forgive me. I've been in hell without you. I miss you so much I can't think clearly. I know you've been avoiding me, and every day in Maths and English I just stare at your empty desk, and hate myself even more for ever hurting you."

"I forgive you Lance"

My heart breaks at the look of happiness on his face, and I'm glad that I've made him feel a little better. Yes, I'm still angry, but I think Lance has suffered enough.

"Oh Gwen you have no idea how happy that makes me. I was afraid you'd never…"

When he starts reaching forward for my hands, I hastily back away. His smile fades, and I turn my head away from the sorrowful look in his eyes.

"I thought you wanted to try again. I'll never love anyone like I love you, please Gwen. I made a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life, but I promise you I will never hurt you like that again."

"Lance I can't…"

"Haven't I always been there for you in the past? Whenever you've needed anything I've been there without question. All those times you told me you love me did you even mean it?"

I run straight for Lance, and backhand him as tears pour down my face. How dare he question me about my feelings? I'd been pissed to the point that I couldn't even remember losing my virginity, what was his excuse?

"Did you ever love _ME_? You always put me before yourself, don't make me laugh. All the times I waited for you when your family went on holidays to this place or that place, and not once did you ever think to ask me to come. My Dad died two months before you and your family were meant to go to France, and you went anyway! I needed you, and you just left me. You know how Eli is. I told you so many times how he hates me because I wasn't able to save his Dad. He was dying in my arms, and Tom told me not to leave him. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave him, even to get the phone. What if he…HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE!"

I can feel arms wrapping themselves around me, and I turn to cry into Arthur's chest. I haven't talked about that night with Dad since the paramedics made me recount the story, and for a while that's exactly what the whole thing had felt like – a story. Eli had been at Uni when Dad had died. When he found out that I'd waited until Tom was passed out to call for help he barely spoke to me. For so long I thought I deserved his anger.

"It's okay Guinevere, you didn't do anything wrong."

"What if they could have saved him?"

I look up into Arthur's eyes as he soothingly rubs my face. I don't want him to see me like this anymore. I just want to be happy…with him.

"And what if they couldn't have? Would you have really wanted him to spend the last few minutes of his life scared and alone?"

Slowly I shake my head no, and he gives me a small grin.

"His last wish was to be with you, and you gave him that. Don't ever regret that decision."

I smile at Arthur as he wipes the tears from my eyes. Gently he takes my hand in his, and kisses my knuckles before walking me back to the car.

"Gwen?"

Reluctantly I pry my gaze from Arthur's to look back at Lance's tear filled eyes. I can't help but pity him for all the pain Morgan has caused us.

"I'm always here for you, and I always will be. If you ever need to talk..."

His eyes take in the sight of my hand in Arthur's before looking back to me.

"…about anything. I'm here for you. I'm sorry I hurt you. Losing you will always be my biggest regret."

I don't respond, and Lance doesn't wait for me to. He scurries towards his car, and for a while I watch him before Arthur leads me to the back of his Mercedes and closes the door.

-o-

The four of us go to see a film where Arthur drapes his arm comfortably behind my seat, and I can't help but swoon a little when he does. I'm so focused on Arthur's face that I barely notice when the credits start to roll, and everyone picks up there things to leave. After the film we go out to dinner at some posh restaurant I've never been to before. The food's really tasty, and of course Arthur picks up the bill. Afterward he drops Merlin home because he keeps complaining that the smell from all the food at the restaurant is making him feel ill. I don't necessarily think he's lying, but I know there's more to the story than Merlin's saying. Elaine's the next to get booted from the car, even though she tries so hard to convince Arthur to take me home first - nice try. She lives in a relatively small home, and I'm shocked to see it's even smaller than my own. Arthur ever the gentleman, walks her to her door, and even pretends not to notice when she trips a little on her porch steps. I cringe when he hugs her, but smile at the fact that it only lasts a couple of seconds before he pulls away.

Now we're right back to where we were that first day Arthur dropped me home, sitting rather awkwardly in his car. I don't really know what to say or do at this moment, so I wait for him to make some sort of move. However, Arthur seems to have the same idea as me, and just keeps looking nervously in my direction. Gradually I start to feel anxious just sitting there with him in silence, so I decide to make my way into the house. Almost instantly his door opens too, and he follows behind me with his hands in the pockets of his trousers. I hesitate with the key in the lock, hoping he'll finally pluck up the nerve to kiss me already. We haven't snogged each other since that day in his kitchen, and it's suddenly starting to feel like much too long ago.

"I had a really nice time tonight. Thanks for being there for me today, and every day for the last couple weeks. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

Arthur turns me around so I'm no longer talking into my front door. He's smiling again. Although he's usually smiling whenever I'm around; and secretly I hope that it's me that makes him so happy.

"Yeah I did too. I really would have preferred it if it had been just the two of us, but like they say baby steps. We've got loads of time to go out on a proper date."

By now I'm blushing so furiously that I have to turn my head away from him in embarrassment. What happened to the nervous, stumbling over his words Arthur that I'd grown so accustom to? The man before me is so comfortable and sure of himself, and it's making me so flustered I don't know what to do with myself.

As usual Arthur tenderly brings my face back to stare at him, and I don't know if I love or hate how easy it is to get lost in his eyes.

"I've wanted to kiss you all night."

His voice is husky, and the sound of it is making me sweat with desire. All week I've been going back and forth with my feelings for Arthur. Should I just wait a little longer, or be happy with someone who truly brings joy to my life?

"You have no idea how much power you have over me Guinevere. I'd do anything in the world to take away your pain, even if it takes every day of my life. Sometimes when I look into your eyes I see your sadness, and I actually feel it too."

Oh no I'm crying again, and I hate crying. I want to hide my tears, but Arthur is still holding my face in his hands. Not even Lance has ever spoken to me like this. My legs feel like jelly, and I'm thankful that I'm leaning on Arthur's muscular chest for support.

"I want you to feel like you can talk to me, because if it means your happiness I'd carry any burden for you."

"Arthur I…I don't know what to say."

"When you told me about what happened to you that night, how some sick fuck hurt you, I wanted to kill him. I've never felt like that before Gwen, and it scared me. I just want to make sure you're safe and happy... with me."

This time I kiss him first, and the feeling of his lips once again on my own is just heavenly. I slowly wrap my arms securely around his neck, and we stand on the porch snogging each other senseless for what feels like hours. Our hands roaming freely over each others clothed bodies. I'm sure were probably being watched by a few of my neighbours, but I honestly don't care. I need to be close to him, so much closer.

I break away from him breathless, and then quickly disentangle myself to unlock the door. I miss the key in the lock a few times because my hands are shaking so much, but then suddenly I feel his hand steadying mine enough to get the door open. As soon as it's open I pull Arthur inside, and lock it behind him. He won't be leaving anytime soon.

I jump on Arthur, and hungrily claim his lips. I can feel small movements from his legs – he's probably taking his shoes off – then he hoists my body up so he's holding me. As he carries me up the stairs and to my bedroom, our lips don't part once. I feel like an animal attacking his mouth the way I am, but everything about this moment just feels so right. With Lance I'd always been hesitant, but not with Arthur.

Once we make it to my room, he immediately drops me on my bed, and I take that as an opportunity to refill my lungs with air, while Arthur removes his coat and shirt. Quickly following his example I remove my coat, white blouse, and black boots. I wait for his reaction at the sight of me in my black lacy bra, and relax a bit at the way his pupils have dilated.

Feeling adventurous I jump under the covers, and make quick work of my school skirt so I'm lying underneath the blankets in nothing but my knickers. I give Arthur my best come hither look, and giggle when he almost rips the seams in his trousers on his quest to get them off. As soon as he's got his pants off I instantly notice the rather large bulge in his boxers. He moves to join me on the bed, but I hastily put my arm out to stop him. He looks hurt and confused, and I bite my lip in embarrassment.

"I want to see you; all of you."

He slowly gets off of the bed to stand in front of me. I'm rather nervous, but secretly very excited to catch a glimpse of the goods.

As he pulls down his boxers his eyes don't leave my face. I can feel his apprehension once they hit the ground, but I quickly reach for his body to show him just how much I desire him. He's actually a fair bit bigger than Lance, but I won't be telling Arthur that for fear of what it would do to his ego.

Instinctively my hand reaches for his dick, and I start stroking him. He's already quite hard, but I love the way he's mumbling my name because of the way I'm touching him. Just when I think he's about to reach his peak, he flips me so I'm lying underneath him. That small action only makes me wetter, and I grab his face to snog him as he expertly unhooks my bra – I try really hard not to think about how many times he's done this before.

I can feel him rubbing against me through my knickers, and it's driving me wild. I just want to feel him inside of me. I want him to make love to me.

"Arthur I want you… inside of me."

I'm panting for air, and all were doing is humping each other.

"Are you sure? I'd always thought our first time would be more special. You know romantic candles, rose petals, and expensive wine."

I smile at him, and cup his face in my hands. I'm so lucky to have him.

"I don't care about any of that stuff, you're what makes this night special to me."

The smile slowly falls from his face, and I'm afraid I've somehow said something to offend him.

"I love you Guinevere, I love you so much."

His eyes don't leave mine, and I force myself not to cry – even if they are tears of happiness.

"And you were the same person who told me he wasn't good with words. Well, you've been doing a hell of a job tonight."

He grins at me, and I softly kiss his lips. As were kissing I can feel his hands pulling off my knickers, and I gasp when I feel his cock touching my flesh. I'm shocked at how badly I want him.

"_Arthur_, make love to me."

Arthur doesn't need me to tell him again. With one last long look, I can feel him slowly entering me. It wasn't really painful, just uncomfortable. Once he's completely inside of me he immediately stops moving to give me time to adjust to his size, which I'm rather grateful for. I may not be a virgin, but I'm certainly not experienced in sex either. Gradually Arthur starts moving in and out of me. I can tell keeping up such a slow pace is killing him, and so I quickly kiss him just as he bites his lip.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I should be asking you that. I'm not hurting you am I?"

He sounds like he's in so much pain, but I don't know what to do to make him feel better. My heads spinning at all the different sensations passing through my body, and I can barely think straight.

"No, fine"

His movements are still somewhat uncomfortable, but I'm beginning to feel my body respond more eagerly to Arthur's thrusts. I moan as my pleasure grows, and all I want is for him to go faster.

"Faster Arthur, please… go… _faster_"

The discomfort is all but gone as Arthur moves so much quicker inside of me. His deep thrusts are making my back arch, and my toes tingle. My body starts to meet his thrusts, and I never want this moment to end.

"_Guinevere"_

When his mouth latches onto my nipple and his tongue starts licking it's almost my undoing.

"_Oh God Arthur… YES!"_

I can feel my body start to shudder uncontrollably, and I know I'm almost there. Arthur seems to know it to, because he moves even faster and harder inside of me; his eyes never leaving my face. Watching the lust in his gaze as he continues to tongue my breasts is what finally sends me over the edge, and I scream out his name. It only takes a couple more minutes for Arthur to grunt out his orgasm into the crook my neck, and lazily roll onto his back beside me. I'm positive I'll look like I got mauled by a bear in the morning, but I don't particularly care.

That was brilliant! I can't stop panting for air. We were barely kissing, but I feel like I've just run a marathon. I'm exhausted, but I want to do it again. I can definitely see why shagging is so popular, and all we did were the basics.

I beam at Arthur's lopsided grin, and he swiftly pulls me into his arms to spoon me. I still can't believe Arthur and I really just made love.

"I love you Guinevere"

I may not be ready to say the words I love you to him yet, but I hope the look I'm giving him is somehow getting the message across.

He kisses my forehead, and I quickly make myself comfortable in his arms before my eyes start to drift shut.

-o-

I slowly open my eyes when I feel something calmly tickling my arm. When they finally adjust to the light I can see Arthur grinning down at me, and I smile at the memories of what we shared last night.

"I hope you don't find it creepy, waking up to me staring at you and all?

He's laughing, but I know he's actually worried I'll tell him that I think it's actually rather pervy.

"Not creepy, just a little embarrassing. I'm sure I look a right mess right now."

Of course it's easy for him because he looks breathtakingly sexy in the morning.

"You look beautiful when you sleep. You have this thing you do with your lip, you just nibble on it a bit. It's adorable."

He resettles himself on the bed so he's more comfortable while I throw my head into my pillow in humiliation. He's being so charming, but he really doesn't understand how mortifying it is to know you nibble like a rabbit in your sleep.

"Oh come on Guinevere. Trust me it's very cute, and not at all embarrassing."

I peek at him from the safety of my fluffy pillow, and melt at the soft look he's giving me. I've really just had sex with Arthur Pendragon. Even if technically I wasn't a virgin before we'd shagged, it was basically the first time I was conscious and alert during sex.

"Come here Gwen, I want to hold you."

I hurriedly lift myself and the sheet covering my nakedness to get to Arthur. I haven't spent much of the lotto money Dad left for me in his will on the house, just a bigger bed that is now turning into more of a hindrance than a blessing. After getting tangled in the sheet for the second time Arthur simply picks me up, and throws me on top of his chest. I want to yell at him for scaring me and throwing off the sheet that was covering me, but he's giving me that innocent school boy grin of his, and it's rendering me powerless. Not to mention his hands are snaking done my body to my arse, and he boldly gives it a light squeeze. I can feel him hard and ready now that I'm on top of him, and my heart races at the idea of making love to him once again.

He softly kisses my lips before lifting his hand from my arse, and placing it behind his head. I'm confused as to what exactly he's playing at, but calmly wait for him to explain himself.

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

"Of course I do. All day at the park you threw sand into my shirt, and then burped in my face at least three times. It was love at first sight."

He chuckles, and I smile down at his serene face. Why is he bringing this up now?

"You're the first, and only girl I've ever really cared about Guinevere. At the time I didn't really know how to react to you. You were cute and sweet, and I just wanted you to notice me. Okay, so maybe the sand and burps weren't the way to go, but you sure as hell didn't forget me after all that."

"No I didn't. I even kind of fancied you too."

"Really?"

I'm blushing again, and without my pillow I bury myself into Arthur's hard chest.

"Yeah, why else do you think I let you kiss me at your birthday party?"

I don't know whether or not Arthur's laughing at the feeling of my lips tickling his skin as I talk, or he thinks what I said is funny, either way the sound of his laughter is like music to my ears.

"If I remember correctly you leaned into me"

His eyes are now open, and one of his eyebrows are raised in disbelief. Why is it that no matter what he does I always think he looks so damn delicious?

"Don't forget it was you who spun the bottle on me. I knew you were nervous, and I didn't like that the guys Morgan brought were teasing you so I made it easier for you."

"You always did do your best to look out for me, but I know that secretly you just wanted to snog me senseless."

"Shut up"

I'm not going to admit he's right, even if he is. Yeah, I had been trying to prevent those idiots from taunting him about being a ponce, but really I just wanted to stop waiting for Arthur to give me my first kiss.

"Do you know that that day you gave me my first kiss?"

"No, but I'm glad that we got to share our first kisses together."

And just to prove his point his lips softly meet mine, however when I try and deepen the kiss he removes them.

"Arthur what's wrong?"

Did I do something wrong? Why is he being so distant? I reach for the white sheet from before, and re-wrap it around my body to fend off the small chill in the air.

"You didn't do anything Gwen. I just…I need to know that this isn't just you looking for company until you realize that you love Lance far too much to really leave him for good."

"How did you know I was thinking I did something wrong?"

I want to assure him that my feelings for him are genuine, but I need to know how it is he always seems to know what's on my mind.

"You really don't know how expressive your face is. I guess someone who hasn't been in love with you for so long wouldn't pick up on the little things you do, but for someone like me it's as clear as day. Obviously I can't actually read your mind, but I can read your face which seems to be just as good."

_He loves me._ Well yes Gwen that's what he's been saying since last night. Now perhaps you'd like to say something to put his worries about Lance at ease so you two can go back to enjoying other fun activities.

Oh my God I'm actually talking to myself in the third person, I've finally lost it.

"I'm not going to lie to you Arthur. I still care for Lance very deeply."

His eyes close, and for the first time it's him who turns his head away from me. I gently brush my fingertips over his strong jaw, and move his face back to look at me.

"Open your eyes, and look at me Arthur."

At the gentle tone of my voice he opens his eyes, and I see the sadness that he's trying so desperately to hide from me.

"I also care very strongly for you. I think… no I know even more than I do for him. I've always had feelings for you; I just never thought we could ever be together. You have to know, especially if you really know me as well as you claim, that I wouldn't just have sex with anyone."

My cheeks burn in shame when I remember, that for my first time, I'd unintentionally done just that.

"That doesn't count. I was your first Guinevere, and I plan on being your last."

He kisses me passionately, and I forget everything but the wonderful way Arthur makes me feel. His hands are moving over my breasts, arse, really just about anything he can get his hands on before I hear his mobile go off on the small dresser beside the bed.

Initially he ignores the ring, and continues to kiss and suck on my neck until I'm convinced he's covered every bit of me with love bites. Though, when all we can hear is Kanye West's song_ Power_ drifting in the background, he quickly jumps for his mobile and immediately presses the talk button.

"Father"

I've been without a parent for so long now that I sometimes forget that people around my age need to let their guardians know where they are when they decide not to go home for the night.

Arthur looks beyond worried, and I feel useless knowing that I can't do anything to help him. His father's horrible, but I guess with his Mum gone he's the only parent he has left.

"Yes Father I know I should have called. It was very irresponsible of me not to."

"What was I doing?"

Please don't tell him you're with me. He'll actually go on a mad rampage through Albion if you do that Arthur.

"I was staying at Merlin's for the night."

Right, good idea, Merlin will go along with this no problem.

"Yes, I know you did not raise me to be a liar, I'm sorry."

Shit, he's giving me that look, don't you dare tell him Arthur Pendragon!

"I'm with Guinevere, my girlfriend."

Fuck. Even him calling me his girlfriend isn't making this situation any better. Arthur may not realize it, but I know just how much his Dad's opinion means to him, and the last thing Uther Pendragon wants for his only son is to be shacking up with someone as lowly as myself.

"Yeah, Morgan's mate"

Ex-mate that is, never going back to that tainted friendship EVER again. Once you realize how cruel someone really is it's hard to see them as anything else.

"Father _please_"

It's at this point when Arthur stops looking at me, and his voice starts getting progressively quieter. I know his Dad's calling me every name in the book. This is exactly why I've always had my reservations about starting a relationship with Arthur, his father.

"Father it's not like that with Guinevere, I…I love her very much. I want to be with her."

I smile when he says he loves me; I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing him say those three words.

"No she's not _pregnant_"

I jump out of the bed, and quickly start searching for my robe so that I can cover myself. I don't need to stay here, and let someone who doesn't even know me degrade my character like this. I may not be good enough for Uther Pendragon, but Arthur seems to like me just fine.

I can see Arthur apologizing with his eyes, but I ignore him as I make my way into the washroom. Once I've used the toilet, washed my face, and brushed my teeth, I take a moment to try and tame my wild curls. I leave not really any happier, but feeling much more refreshed.

When I reach the door to my room I wait outside, and listen to their conversation – I am in my right since they are talking about me in my house.

"Please Father you have to see reason."

I can hear the desperation in his voice, and I shudder at what they've been talking about while I've been gone.

"No she's not after our money. Guinevere has money of her own."

That I do; enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life as long as I stay on budget.

"No I'm not positive that she hasn't run out of money. Father, Guinevere is not trying to rob me blind, she's not like that. If you'd just give her a chance you'd see that."

The day Uther Pendragon gives me a chance, is the same day hell freezes over. Since that isn't about to happen anytime soon, I'm fairly certain Arthur's father's not going to be inviting me for tea in the near future.

"Yes Father"

I know I should be more shocked to hear the defeat in Arthur's voice, but honestly I've been expecting something like this to happen. I was just hoping it would come about long after Arthur and I were married with children.

I softly push the door open just to be confronted by the sight of Arthur with his head in his hands. This is the reason why I never pursued my feelings for him. If we stay together we'll just cause each other too much pain in the end.

"Arthur?"

He startles at the sound of my voice, and for a second I hesitate before going to him, it looks like he's just been crying.

"Guinevere I'm sorry about my father; he just doesn't understand were not in the 12th Century. Thankfully, people don't have to get together based on wealth and status anymore."

I know he's trying to make me smile like he usually does, but this time I can't bring myself to do it. I know what I have to do, and the longer I wait the harder it'll be.

"Arthur…"

"Don't worry about him though, he'll come around eventually. Everyone loves you, and how could they not. Even my father won't be able to resist your charms for long."

I whimper at the hope in his voice as he moves to put his clothes back on. I will not let myself cry until he's gone.

"I've gotta go have a chat with him about missing curfew, but I promise I'll be back tonight with dinner."

He hungrily kisses my lips, and I can't help but kiss him back. I'm going to miss the feeling of his lips on mine.

"And then maybe after dinner we can continue what we started before my father interrupted us."

He winks at me before he walks out of the room, and down the stairs to the front door. There's a moment where I try and convince myself that maybe I don't need to go after him, but in my heart I know I need to do this.

"Arthur…"

"Yes Guinevere, what's wrong? You look like your near tears. Is it about your Dad?"

He runs up the stairs, and just holds me in his arms. Eventually I stop trying to be strong, and let myself cry. If anyone deserves my tears it's Arthur. The idea of hurting him is killing me, but this is the right decision. It has to be.

"I can't be with you anymore Arthur."

He stiffens in my arms, and my breathe catches when he says nothing. We stand there for nearly five minutes before Arthur slowly disentangles himself from my body. He's looking at me as if I'm not really there, and I feel so cold without his warmth surrounding me.

"What I…I don't understand. I thought things were going well. Is this about my father?"

I look away from him. He'll never understand. He may not think his father's dismissal of me is important, but our relationship will always be strained by it, and I won't make him choose.

"Arthur, you have to realize just how important your father's opinion is to you. Being with me will be too hard on the both of us."

He shakes his head in denial, and I sigh in defeat. I knew he wouldn't understand.

"Guinevere I love you. I've loved you for years. I would never let my father come between us."

"I know you love me, and I know you think that this can work even with your father against us, but it won't. Look at your life Arthur. Football started out as just a game to you, and then he told you there was no point in it unless you were team Captain. _Why would he want to go watch you play a game when you're just like every other player?_"

I'd actually heard Uther yell those words at Arthur a month ago when he'd asked him to come to his big game against Mercia.

"So now I watch you nearly kill yourself every game so your coach will make you Captain. You hate business, yet you're enrolled in every business class Camelot has to offer. I don't blame you for wanting to please your father, but I know that eventually I'm going to be a casualty in all this, and I can't…"

My words falter when he starts walking back down the stairs towards his shoes. My tears are flowing freely down my face, and I feel as if I'm hyperventilating.

"You should know that I would never give you up just because my father tells me to."

"I can't take the chance that you will. I can't take another broken heart Arthur, especially not from you."

"This is about him isn't it? You want to go back to that fucking idiot even after he hurt you. I'm never going to be good enough for you am I?"

"Arthur you know this has nothing to do with Lance…"

"I kissed you for the first time, and then two days later you're dating him. I thought it was because I was small and scrawny, so as I got older I started working out. Still you didn't give me the bloody time of day. All I ever heard from Morgan's room was Lance this and Lance that. You have no idea what it's like to care about someone so much, and suffer through them constantly hurting you."

"Arthur I don't want to hurt you, I lov…"

"Don't Gwen… I can't hear you say that right now."

"I'm sorry Arthur, I'm so sorry. It hurts now, but you'll see this is for the best."

_Please let this be for the best_

"Everyone leaves you, and everyone disappoints me. I guess were both fucked."

"Arthur…"

I want to run down the stairs, and tell him to forget every last word I've just said. I want to scream that I love him, and I need him in my life. That the last few days were some of the happiest of my life all because of him. Instead I let my tears fall, and square my shoulders. If it doesn't end now, it'll just be worse in the future. Arthur's father has already planned out a successful future for him, and his feelings for me will only hold him back. I'm not the debutant kind of girl, and I don't think I ever will be. I can't forget that.

"You want to know the worst bit Gwen."

I know I don't, but I can't bring myself to speak anymore. His face is so distraught, and I caused that. I hurt the one person whose only vice is wanting to love me. Less pain now, more pain later; I can't forget.

"I thought you of all people had faith in me."

I can hear the door open and close, but my face is in my hands. I slip to the floor, and can't find the strength to do anything but cry. Losing Arthur hurts so much more than I thought it ever would. It's only been two bloody weeks, but it's still painful to remember all the times he smiled at me, or held me in his arms. I gently touch my lips and cry even harder when I realize I'll never feel his lips pressed against mine, or hear the words _I love you_ flow from them ever again.

I stay on the stairs and cry until I can't cry anymore. I'm just laying there terrified that I've made a huge mistake, and I have no one to talk to about it. I think about calling Merlin, but I know Arthur needs him right now. He's the victim in this, not me.

Eventually I'm able to drag myself off the floor and into my bedroom. Small tears form in my eyes when I realize the air still smells so strongly of him, and I fall onto my bed with the pillow he used grasped tightly in my arms. I can't stop thinking it's not supposed to hurt this much already, but it does. Not even losing Lance was this painful.

My arm reaches out for my mobile, and I dial the only number I have left. He doesn't answer on the first, or even the second ring, and sadly I start to think that he's not going to pick up.

"_Gwen"_

I cry as soon as I hear his voice.

"_What's happened love?"_

"I just need somebody to talk to, so I can stop thinking about how badly I've fucked up."

"_Whoa, must be really bad if you're cussing."_

"You've no idea"

The phone goes silent, and for a second I'm afraid he's dropped the call on me.

"_Gwen we can't do this. I want to help you, I really do, but I don't think we should be drawing any attention to ourselves now that you've told everyone about the party. If Lance or Arthur see us getting closer, the questions will start, and something might slip out."_

"Please Gwaine, I kept that night a secret from Lance because you begged me not to tell him. I just need someone to talk to right now. I promise I won't tell anyone. Please, I've got no one else."

* * *

><p><em>Alright so there is the end of Guinevere's chapter. I'm not too happy with it, but c'est la vie. I apologize for the somewhat lack luster sex scene, it was my first time writing one. I already know I'm going to get a lot of hate for Arthur and Gwen's quick break up, but Gwen only did what she thought was right. <em>

_ Gwen's on to Merlin, and what's this about Gwaine and Gwen? And no they aren't having some kind of illicit affair, and Gwaine didn't rape her.  
><em>

_Can't wait to hear your likes and dislikes for this chapter! Next chapter is going to be Gwaine's ;)_


	5. Gwaine

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (4/8)  
><strong>Author: ceecee_05<strong>  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains lots of sexual content, and swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Gwaine, Gwen, Merlin, Percy, Leon, Cedric(Cenred), Morgause (allusions to Arthur/Gwen and Gwen/Lance)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Gwaine has way too many problems.  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _This chapter contains some mentions of homoerotic content, and is OOC in many ways. A lot happens in this chapter so I hope it doesn't come off too rushed. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_.

* * *

><p><strong>Gwaine<strong>

I avoid her eyes as I get dressed. I can't believe it's happened again, what the fuck is wrong with me. The stupid thing never bloody works.

"Don't tell anyone about this, alright."

My pants are on, and I've just gotten my jumper over my head, but I still refuse to make eye contact with her. Beatrice Magnus or Berty as everyone knows her as, is the type who'll air all your secrets. I can't believe I even agreed to shag her.

"Why should I Gwaine?"

I can't help but meet Berty's eyes at her words. She sits up in the bed, the sheet lowering while she does so that now her rather perky breasts can be seen. Yes Berty's fit, but she's also a bit of a bitch. She's just staring at me with a smile that would make Morgan proud.

"Why shouldn't I tell everyone at College that your cock doesn't work? Why shouldn't I tell them that no matter how many times I shoved my tits in your face, or stroked your dick, you couldn't get hard? Why shouldn't I tell them that you're probably bent?"

I lunge for her, but stop right before I make contact with her skin. I'm not foolish enough to agree to sleep with Berty without having some information she doesn't want known to the rest of Camelot.

"Look, I don't like threats. How about I give you some cash for your trouble, and we both pretend today never happened? Think of it as our Christmas presents to each other if you must."

"What do you think I am? Some sort of slag?"

Well… based on some of the things I know you've done…

"No, I think you're someone who's smart enough not to talk about other people's personal lives, knowing that there are things that you don't want exposed about yourself."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Of course not love"

I smile at the look of indignation on her face. If Berty really thinks she's going to tell everyone about my problem she's got another thing coming. I haven't gotten through three years at Camelot with my reputation as a lady's man for nothing.

"I'm offering you an opportunity to earn some money, while also keeping your after school activities quiet."

Her face pales, and I do feel bad for having to do this sort of thing… again. I just need to maintain my image. I've always been the odd man out. The only reason anyone wants to be my mate is because girls seem to take to me. That's how me and Lance became mates in the first place. Even my brothers only respect my ability to snag the attention of the fittest girls. I'm nothing without my reputation.

"You wouldn't?"

She quickly lifts the sheet back over her breasts, and I can practically see the fear dripping from every part of her shaking body.

"I will if I have to"

I'm praying that she goes along with my little arrangement. The last thing I want to do is ruin her life. Berty may be rude, but I know I'm not really low enough to destroy her life just to save my own. I'm hoping that scaring her a little will make her see sense.

"Please Gwaine. I promise I won't say anything. Just don't tell anyone, it'd kill my parents if they found out."

I feel like shit as I always do when I'm pushed into this same corner. I just really need to know why my cock never seems to work. I've been with loads of different types of girls, yet none of them seem to get me hard.

Shit, what the fuck have I become? Blackmailing women to maintain my fictional reputation? I'm such a git. Mum would be so disappointed.

"Look Berty I won't tell anyone, just promise to keep what happened here quiet."

I go to pick up my coat and bag as I move to her bedroom door, but can't help but hesitate before going out.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just… you're beautiful, and I thought maybe things would be different this time."

I know I don't need to worry about what I'm saying around Berty. I know she won't say anything because the last thing she wants is for her family to find out about her stripping. The only reason I even know is because I accidentally saw her walk into the building one day while I was roaming the streets. If it hadn't been for her outfit I would have just assumed she was into strippers.

"Thanks Gwaine, I know you're not really a twat like some of the other blokes I've been with."

She smiles at me, and I don't feel like as much of a wanker as I did before.

"So…you really are a puff then?"

She's not looking at me with disgust like I thought she would, just as if she were asking me something normal, like _what I'm doing for the rest of the day_. Even though her acceptance is supposed to make me feel calm, it just makes me angry. I'm not a homosexual. I'm just having some problems with my cock. I know loads of other blokes probably have the same issue; just no one talks about it.

"No, I'm not"

I leave her room, run down the stairs, and immediately go out her front door. Luckily for me Berty's parents aren't home because I'm really not in the mood to be charming.

I scold myself for my lack of interest in driving. Arthur and Lance are both moping about Gwen, and well I don't really have anyone else who'll give me a ride. Damn it's cold outside.

After walking aimlessly down the street for a while I decide to just check to see whether or not Arthur or Lance will be able to pick themselves up off the floor to give me a lift.

"Fuck"

I run my hands through my hair in exasperation. Gwen's messaged, and rang me…a lot. I know she's hurting about the whole Arthur thing, and then the all the crap with Morgan and Lance. I'm just not the one she should be talking to about this.

After losing my virginity to my best mate's girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend), and the love of my younger cousin's life, anything to do with Gwen should not be my concern. But, I call her back anyway because I know I'm the only one she has right now.

"_Gwaine"_

I can hear her crying on the other end, and assume it's probably about Arthur - it's usually about Arthur.

"Yeah Gwen, what's wrong?"

"_You didn't pick up before I thought you might be ignoring me. I just…I'm so lonely. Eli's not coming home for the holidays, and Arthur can barely stand the sight of me. Just when I finally get him, I give him up like a fool. You've no idea how much I miss him Gwaine. I thought it'd be for the best, but every day for the past month it's been horrible without him. I'm so depressed about the whole thing I'm making myself physically sick over it. I miss him so much. "_

I listen silently to everything she has to say. Nowadays Gwen always calls to talk about the same thing – Arthur. This puts me in a very awkward position because Lance is always talking about how he wants to try and get her back. Completely unaware that Gwen and Arthur have shagged, and are now madly in love with each other.

I'm an absolutely terrible best mate.

"Gwen, why don't you just talk to Arthur? Tell him everything you tell me. That you miss him, and how being apart from him is hurting you."

"_Gwaine you know I can't. Arthur's meant for great things and I'm just the orphan girl who'd bring him down."_

"Gwen you know that's not…"

"_Don't Gwaine...please don't. Arthur's father may not always be the voice of reason, but he's rightabout this. Being in a relationship with Arthur would just ruin his future, and I won't be the reason that Arthur doesn't become the man I know he can be."_

"Gwen, Uther's a wanker. Yeah alright he's my deceased Aunt Igraine's husband so essentially he's my uncle, but that doesn't make him any less a dick."

I'm so tired of hearing Gwen talk about herself like she's shit. How does she not realize that she has two blokes who are desperately in love with her for a reason?

"_Gwaine…"_

"What he is a dick, but Arthur loves you. I don't understand how you can have such faith in him, but not his feelings for you. Maybe the great Arthur Pendragon needs you so that he can become the great man you think he'll be?"

I wait for Gwen to say something, but she stays quiet. After a few minutes I actually start to think she's dropped the call.

"_Shit Gwaine, I want him back. Who the hell am I kidding I need him back, but what if he doesn't want me anymore? You didn't see his face when I told him we couldn't be together. He was so disappointed in me."_

I want to trust that this time Gwen's actually listening to what I'm saying, but I know in a few hours she'll convince herself that she's not good enough for Arthur like she always does.

"Gwen Arthur loves you. Believe me all you have to do is go… Shit"

My words falter as I finally reach my house. I can see my brothers outside playing football. They're not supposed to be home until tomorrow. Mum told me that they'd said Christmas morning they'd both be coming as her gifts.

"_What, Gwaine what's going on?"_

"Sorry Gwen I've got to go."

"_No Gwaine please…"_

I do feel bad about dropping the call on her, but I can't deal with her and my brothers at the same time.

"Alright, you can do this Gwaine."

I take a few breathes to prepare myself for the next few days with my brothers now that they're on holiday from school.

Slowly I make my way over to them. Leon and Percy are alright to other people, but they have a tendency to treat me like shit. I guess it's because I'm the youngest, yet knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

"Oie Leon, look who's finally home"

"Wetbutt's home"

Fucking arseholes will never let that go. I was six and I wet the bed, loads of kids wet the bed when they're young.

"Hey Percy, Leon, you think maybe we can stop calling me wetbutt since it's gotten a little old don't you think?"

"Oh look Leon, you're making him cry."

"Shut up I'm not crying!"

"Does Wetbutt need some tissues to wipe himself?"

I roll my eyes at the both of them and continue to the front door. I don't need to stand here and take their crap.

"Aww look what you did Leon. Now he's gone crying to Mum."

"Poor Wetbutt needs help wiping his arse does he?"

I ignore the both of them as I enter the house. Leon and Percy aren't dicks, but they really like to take the piss when it's at my expense.

"Mum?"

Instead of my mum a male figure appears from the kitchen, and I quickly turn away from him. I barely remember my father since he died when I was really young, but the idea of Cedric touching my mum actually makes me sick to my stomach. He's a creepy git, and I don't know what my mother sees in him. As much as it disgusts me to even think, he probably just has a big cock.

"Hey Gwaine, Morgause is in the shower. Did you have a good time out with your mates?"

I know Cedric couldn't give a fuck what kind of a time I had out, and I'm somewhat surprised that he's even pretending without Mum around. We usually just ignore each other when we're together.

"Like you care"

I scoff and harshly brush my shoulders against him as I make my way into the kitchen for something to eat; purposely mumbling _wanker_ when I'm in close proximity to him.

"Watch it you bloody twat"

Cedric grabs my arm and squeezes it painfully, but I refuse to show any signs of discomfort on my face.

"Watch yourself around me you fucking waste of space. I don't give a shit about you or your brothers. The only reason I'm around is because your Mum's a tiger in bed. Now if you ever disrespect me again, I'll find other ways to make you respect me; and believe me you won't like the things I come up with."

I don't even have time to spit in his face like I'd planned before Cedric is pulled from my arms, and becomes nothing more than a crumpled mess on the floor.

"Now you listen here you fucking wanker. If you ever touch my baby brother again, the last thing you'll be worried about is a sore wrist. Now our Mum seems to put up with you for some reason, but I want you to know that even though Leon and I aren't here all the time, anything happens to Gwaine and We're coming for you."

Cedric looks speechless, and even I'm shocked by Percy's words. Leon's usually the more talkative one, so to hear Percy string together more than a of couplewords is a little alarming. Not to mention I've never heard my brother use a curse word beyond arse in my entire life.

"You alright Gwaine?"

My eyes snap from Cedric cowering under Percy's rather large stature, to my eldest sibling. Leon's looking at me expectantly, but I'm still in awe of what just happened. I know my brothers are all right, but they've never done something like this for me before. I should probably take advantage of this before they go back to acting like nobs again.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just a sore arm."

"Well Percy, you know what they say. Do on to others what you'd want them to do on to you, or something along those lines."

Just as Percy's about to grab Cedric, I can see movement coming from the doorway. Shit the only other person in the house is…

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

I watch somewhat amused as Cedric scrambles from the floor to stand behind my Mum's back. Fucking coward.

"Nothing now that you're here"

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean Percy?"

"Nothing Mum"

"I don't remember asking you Leon"

"Really it's nothing Mum. Cedric and I got into a minor argument, and things got a bit out of hand."

Mum stares at me in the way only a mother can before she sighs and rolls her eyes. Everyone in the room waits to see whether or not she'll accept this explanation.

"Cedric"

"Yes darling"

"Get the fuck out of my house, and take all your crap with you."

The noise in the kitchen could now be equated to that of a funeral party. I'm not unhappy by the news - in my head I'm doing flips and breaking out into song. I'm just a bit stunned to hear my mother speaking to her wonderful Cedric so frankly, but I guess I shouldn't really be surprised, that's how she usually is with people.

"But Morgsy…"

"Ugh, do you know how much I hate it when you call me that. My name is Morgause, not Morgsy or Morgs, or Mora, or whatever else your fucking brain comes up with."

I can admit that I probably got my saucy vocabulary from mum. I do respect the hell out of the woman. That's probably why her shacking up with someone like Cedric was such a disappointment to me. She's too strong to be with such a weakling.

"Now you listen here Cedric. I raised good boys, and if they're ready to kick your arse I know it's because you did something to deserve it. So, if you're doing something to upset them, you're doing something to upset me, and I will not allow anyone to hurt my children. So like I said, get the fuck out of my house before I get Leon and Percy to escort you out."

"You fucking bitch, after everything I've done for you"

When Cedric falls to the ground in front of me, I'm nearly as shocked as everyone else. I don't even remember running over to him and punching him in the face, but I'm very happy I did.

"Don't call my mum a bitch you fucking waste of space."

The smirk comes to my face of its own volition. Cedric really needs to watch what he says to people. I give him a swift kick to the gut for good measure, and can't help but feel proud when he groans in pain. Thank god the supposed "king" of this castle is dead and gone.

"Don't worry about your shit Cedric. Come back after Christmas and we'll be sure to have your crap in boxes on the porch outside, but for now GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR HOUSE."

I actually laugh when he jumps off the floor, and runs for the door.

"I hope you fucking shits get what's coming to you. Oh and Morgs, I've had better."

"So have I. Oh and Ced, I know about that little whore you've been fucking so you can expect I'll be getting a nice amount of money in the divorce. I would suggest you settle with my lawyer when they contact you."

The door closes, and we laugh at the smug smile on mum's face. After spending a year living with Cedric I have to say I'm happy to just go back to having a mum and two older brothers. Stepfathers are really overrated.

"Well, that was an interesting Christmas Eve."

"No shit Leon!"

"So what you're cussing now Percy?"

"I guess, you Gwaine and mum do it all the time, why not me?"

"Oh son, don't start swearing. You're my sweet souled giant. You don't need to cuss"

Mum has been saying things like that for years. Leon's ambitious, Percy's kindhearted, and me…well, I'm always free spirited. I'm still not sure whether or not I like those words. Just sounds like she's convinced I'm going to end up on the streets because I'm too free spirited to land a job and keep it.

"Alright mum no more cussing."

Percy smiles, and I'm happy to see Mum's face light up - even without Dad, I can't help but feel like we're a family again.

"Good boy"

She gives him a brief kiss on the cheek before going to get her car keys. Wait, car keys for what?

"Mum where are you going?"

Mum stops and turns to me as Percy and Leon start for the front door.

"What an idiot. It's Christmas Eve Wetbutt."

Well, it had been nice while it lasted.

"Remember we go to family dinners today and tomorrow just about every year? Well, except on the rare occasion that Mum decides she wants to burn down the kitchen with her disgusting concoctions. No offense Mum."

"None taken Leon. It's no secret I'm a crap cook."

I slap my hand to my forehead in annoyance, the last thing I want to do right now is be around family. I may have been distracted earlier by Gwen, my brothers, and Cedric and Mum, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten about my rather large problem below the belt.

"Mum?"

Leon and Percy have already left the house, so I feel more comfortable talking plainly. Mum's always been easy to talk to, so I have no problems telling her I really don't want to go out tonight.

"What is it Gwaine?"

Although her face has a smile on it, I can see a tint of sadness in her eyes.

"Are you alright?"

She hesitates before lowering herself onto one of the kitchen chairs. Then calmly pats the seat beside her. I quickly sit down, and grasp her hands in an attempt at comfort. I hate to see Mum sad.

"Cedric and I have always had our problems, and for a while I've been thinking about getting a divorce. When I saw you boys ready to attack him I just realized it was finally time."

"So then why didn't you get one earlier?"

"Honestly…"

She takes a long intake of breathe before she continues, and I tighten my grip on her hands. The horn is blaring loudly in the background, but both of us ignore it.

"I didn't want to be alone. I mean Leon and Percy are off at Uni for most of the year, and next year you'll be leaving to do God knows what. I just…I thought that if I kept Cedric around I wouldn't have to be on my own."

I few stray tears fall from her eyes, and she pulls away from me to wipe them away. I've never thought about Mum feeling lonely. I guess I just assumed that regardless her life would be better without Cedric.

"I'll stay so you don't have to be alone. I mean really with my grades who knows if I'll even make it to Uni…"

"No you won't do that Gwaine. Regardless of whether or not you get into a good Uni, I know you'll find your way."

"Yeah cause I'm free spirited, whatever that means?"

"Gwaine, I call you free spirited because every since you were little you always did things your way. Leon and Percy always followed instructions, but not you. I remember telling you to go to bed, and you kissed my cheek and ran into your room. When I came to check on you to make sure you were sleeping, I found you underneath your sheets with a flashlight playing. When I pulled the blanket off of you all you did was smile and say, _what's wrong I'm in bed_."

I can't help but laugh when the memory of that night comes back to me. I guess it could be said that I was a bit of a daring child.

"You've always done things your way Gwaine, and as strange as it might sound I've never really worried about you getting through life. In so many ways you're like me, and that's why I know that I'll be alright on my own. Besides unlike you're brothers I know you'll visit me every chance you get."

I wrap my arms around her, as if to breathe in just a bit of her unshakable strength. No one could have ever asked for a better mother.

"Even if I have to trek through the woods for days, and steal a horse."

We finally separate, and then slowly both of us stand still holding hands. Mum softly giggles at my words which brings a wide smile to my face, and I realize as long as I have her I'll never be alone.

"Bloody hell, they're going to destroy the horn the way they're carrying on. Could neither of them get off their lazy arses and just come back in to see what was wrong?"

She leaves the kitchen, and I follow behind her but refrain from putting on my boots. It's only when she's about to open the door that she notices I'm standing by the stairs, and I've taken my coat off.

"You're not coming to dinner?"

"Not really in the mood for a family dinner tonight"

"Is it because of Cedric? Did Leon or Percy do something? Cause you know I'll sort them if they did."

"No Mum nothing like that. I'm just not in the mood tonight. I promise that tomorrow I'll be there with a cheeky smile, and charm galore."

"Well alright, your Aunt Anna will be disappointed, but I guess you'll suffer enough tomorrow at Uther's dinner."

"Ugh fuck"

"Don't I know it. I couldn't tell you what my sister saw in that monster. Though, I guess he is sort of fit."

"Oh god mum just stop and go before you say something that we'll both regret."

"Too right. Okay, we'll be back in a few hours, no parties. You can invite Lance over if you want, but that's it. No girls!"

The last thing I plan on doing tonight is inviting anybody over, even Lance. He's probably looking at the bloody engagement ring I told him not to buy. Fuck, everything is such a mess.

"Whatever mum, bye"

I all but push her out the door before quickly sprinting up the stairs and falling on my bed. I take a quick look at my mobile and see that Gwen rang me about five times, and Lance's messaged me twice asking how he should propose. I'm tempted to message back _not at all_, but instead throw my mobile onto my dresser and close my eyes. I could really do with a good nap.

-o-

I open my eyes to complete darkness and silence. Obviously Mum Leon and Percy aren't back yet, or those things would have been impossible. Mum is pretty much afraid of the dark, and Leon and Percy don't know the meaning of the word quiet when they're together.

I sluggishly stretch my limbs, as I slowly get up off my rather comfortable bed. I anxiously sign into my laptop, and sigh at the noise that comes from my stomach. I'm clearly hungry, so I run downstairs to grab some cold pizza out of the fridge, and scarf down a few slices before making a quick stop at the toilets.

When I return to my bedroom the nervousness comes with me. I can't believe I'm actually about to do this, but I need to know. I sit down at my desk chair facing the window, but then quickly jump up when I realize the blinds are open. After I close them, I slowly make my way back to the chair.

"Fuck it Gwaine, just get it over with. No one will know."

Though, it's not the fear of anyone knowing, but rather what this could lead to – what it could mean for me.

I'm not unfamiliar with online porn, so I type in a website and pull down my zipper as the page loads. Once my flaccid cock is resting on the outside of my leg, I look back at the computer and search for gay porn. While I scroll through all the different videos of men I can't help but feel dirty. I'm not homophobic, but I'm scared as hell at the idea of being bent. I've seen the way people treat you when you're a puff, and I'm man enough to admit that I don't want to know how that feels.

I end up clicking on a video that doesn't look too intimidating, and slowly start to stroke myself. The men are only touching each other's bulges, and internally I'm jumping for joy that my cock hasn't done anything besides remain flaccid. Then the unthinkable happens, it moves. Nothing monumental, but enough that I notice I'm not as soft as I once was. As the men on screen peel off their clothes and begin touching each other, I get harder.

I pause the video, and quickly drop my hand from my shaft. I can feel water on my face, and I realize I'm crying. This can't be happening, I can't be… Fuck why me? Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough with girls? That has to be it, I can't be…

"Gwaine?"

I instantly close my laptop, and pull my pants back on. Who the fuck is that?

I turn around slowly, my heart racing at what I know the intruder has seen and heard. The laptop is facing my door. I just hadn't thought it'd be an issue because no one's home. Hell I didn't even hear the front door open.

"Merlin, what the fuck are you doing here?"

My palms have started sweating, and I can't help but avoid his eyes. I can't handle being judged right now.

"I'm sorry, I was walking to Arthur's, but I got tired. Your house was the closest, so I thought I'd come here. When I saw all the lights off, and the car gone I thought no one was home."

"So you just thought you'd walk into my house and make yourself at home?"

As angry as I am at being caught, I can't help but notice something's off with Merlin. Yes, he's been losing a lot of weight recently, and walking around like a ghost in College, but it's the look on his face that unnerves me. Merlin looks like he's lost it.

"I'm just really tired"

And to prove his point he all but collapses on my bed, and then vomits on my sheets.

"Shit, sorry"

I run to get a towel to wipe the vomit from his face, and a cold bottled water from the fridge. Where the hell is Merlin coming from? Someone who looks like he does shouldn't even be walking to the bathroom without help, let alone outdoors in this temperature.

"Don't worry about it, that's why they invented washing machines."

I smile to try and lighten the mood, but I'm seriously contemplating calling an ambulance.

"Where were you walking from?"

After wiping his face clean, I raise the bottle to his lips, and wait for him to swallow before sitting on the floor in front of him. For obvious reasons sitting on my bed isn't an option.

"The hospital"

My eyes bulge at his words, and if he didn't already look like such a mess I would have hit him for his own stupidity. The hospitals about fifteen minutes drive from Arthur's place, why the hell was Merlin walking there?

"Why were you watching two guys having sex?"

I open and close my mouth for lack of anything better to do. I hadn't been expecting Merlin to be so blunt, but I guess I'd have done the same thing if I'd walked in on someone else doing it. Actually that would have been the first thing out of my mouth, but mum always says I'm tactless sometimes.

"I…I…I was just checking something"

"Are you gay?"

Just like Berty Merlin hadn't asked the question with disgust, just surprise.

"I've had sex with a woman"

Merlin's face instantly changes from surprise to confusion. How confusing it must be to find out that the supposed player of Camelot has really only ever slept with one woman. I can't even remember the damn experience, which is probably for the best.

"You've only ever had sex with one woman? What about all the girls that claim they slept with you?"

"Apparently they're liars"

I really do not want to get into this right now. Merlin is lying on my bed practically looking like death, asking me about my past sexual encounters. His priorities are definitely off right now.

"Merlin this isn't the right time for this, you need to go to hospital. You're obviously not well."

"Obviously, just answer the question Gwaine. You tell me your secret, and I'll tell you mine."

This is madness, I know it is. The last thing I need or want, are more secrets, but there's something in Merlin's eyes that are begging me to continue.

"So I'm at this party getting pissed because my mum's about to marry this ultimate wanker, and I don't know what happens but next morning I'm waking up beside this girl. She's naked, I'm naked, and there's blood all over the sheet she's sleeping on. Not to mention the used condom in the bin."

I don't think it would be a good idea to tell Merlin that this girl is Gwen; the less people that know the better.

"So, you don't even remember actually having sex with this girl?"

"Well no, but it's obvious that's what happened. We were both naked, and the blood and condom."

Merlin doesn't really look convinced, and his lack of certainty is starting to make me question that night in a way I never have before.

"So you just assume you shagged a girl because you both woke up beside each other naked? Who's to say she didn't have sex with someone else, and you just happened to fall asleep in the room later?"

"No that can't be right because I passed out on the couch, and then after I moved into the room to have sex with her."

Wait, that didn't make any sense.

"Alright, so you pass out on a couch, and then somehow end up shagging some girl and taking her virginity in another room?"

I rub my temples in frustration because none of what I'm saying makes sense anymore. The last thing I remember is screaming the Spice Girls lyrics to _Wannabe_, and then falling on the couch I was jumping on, and then blacking out. How the fuck did I even end up in that room with Gwen?

"Shit, what the fuck happened that night?"

"Clearly not what you think happened, and if you're well…you know, how did you have sex with a girl?"

I ignore Merlin's last comment, and instead focus on his first. I'd just taken in the room and assumed that Gwen and I had sex, but things weren't adding up anymore. Someone obviously brought me into the room with Gwen, but why?

"Holy fuck! No, this can't be happening"

I get up off the floor, and pace the average sized space of my room while Merlin slowly drinks more of the water I gave him. Someone fucking set me up that night. They had to have known that Gwen and Lance were dating, and that I'm his best mate. Anyone knows mates don't fuck their mate's girlfriends and tell. They made it seem as if I did it so that it would stay silent. The only reason Gwen never told anyone was because I begged her not to.

"Fuck"

Bloody hell, Gwen was raped, and the bastard put the fucking blame on me. How could I be so thick? If no girl has every made me hard, why would Gwen?

"It's not that bad, so what you're a virgin? Lots of blokes are virgins; especially ones in your situation Gwaine."

I ignore Merlin as I think of what the fuck I should do. I can't tell Gwen that's for sure. I'd rather let her think I took her virginity than some fucking twat who raped her at a party. She deserves better, even if it means settling for me. The only thing I know is that I'm going to find the fucker who did it, and make them pay for the pain they caused us.

I'm only brought out of my vengeful thoughts when I hear the sound of whimpering. Merlin is curled up on my bed in the fetal position crying. What the fuck happened in the past couple minutes that brought this on?

"What's wrong mate?"

I push thoughts of Gwen and that party to the back of my mind for now, but as soon as I've dealt with Merlin I know they'll come flooding back.

He looks at me with those same empty eyes he entered my room with, and I wonder how his mood could have changed so quickly. When we were talking he wasn't necessarily happy, but he wasn't this sad either.

"She's dead"

My heartbeat increases after he says the words, and because of where my mind has been my thoughts instantly turn to Gwen. I quickly run to my mobile and see that she's messaged me only a few minutes ago begging me to ring her.

"Who's dead Merlin?"

He raises his hollow eyes to me, and a shiver runs down my spine at the action. As far back as I can remember Merlin's always been a happy person, but the person in front of me now is nothing more than a shell.

"Freya, she died this afternoon."

Who the hell is Freya? It really doesn't help that Merlin and I don't talk that often, so I know shit all about his personal life.

"Is that why you were at the hospital?"

I know it's not the obvious question that's going through my mind right now, but I think straying from the norm is exactly what I need to do to get to the bottom of this. However, Merlin's laughter is the last thing I expect to hear in response.

"No that's not why I was there. Freya and I both have Leukemia, but hers was more severe than mine. I went for my chemo, and when I went to her room to visit her they told me she'd died a few minutes earlier. I didn't even get to fucking say goodbye to her. If I'd just visited her first I would have been able to see her one last time."

Merlin said a lot, but all I really heard is that he has cancer. Does Arthur know?

"After I found out I walked out the back of the building so my Mum wouldn't see me, and started walking to Arthur's house. I got too tired to make it there so I collapsed on your doorstep, then I discovered the door was open so I walked in."

"And so that's why you…holy fuck Merlin. All this time you've had cancer!"

I run my hands through my hair, and have to stop myself from ripping each hair from my head. This is too fucking much to handle. Gwen was raped, Merlin has cancer, and I'm probably into guys. What the fuck kind of place is the world turning into?

"I wanted to die tonight Gwaine. I just got so tired of fighting. Losing Freya was like losing faith. I was hoping to die while I was out there walking, but I saw your house and I just thought of everyone I'd be letting down if I gave up."

I fall back on the floor, and look back at Merlin whose staring at the ceiling with silent tears dripping down his face. He doesn't say anymore.

I want to say something to him, but I don't believe he wants me to. I think right now Merlin just needs someone to listen and be there for him without pity, and I can understand that more than anyone. Suicide had briefly crossed my mind when I started getting hard at the sight of two men shagging.

"Merlin, will you tell anyone about what you saw tonight?"

"No, it's not my business to tell anyone your secrets. I hope the same goes for you?"

"My lips are sealed"

I hesitate for a moment wondering if I should even ask when I'm sure I already know the answer.

"Does Arthur know?"

"No"

The room is silent after that, and I wonder about my cousin's best mate. I've always just thought of Merlin as a strange kid with big ears, but now I can only see a person who I can't help but respect. Merlin's the strongest of us all.

"You want to stay the night?"

"Yeah, sure"

"Do you have anything you should be taking?"

"Just some pain pills in my coat pocket"

"Alright"

I know I have to take off the sheet Merlin's laying on, but for now I'll let him reminisce about his Freya. There's always time for sleep later.

I jump up to grab my mobile. I feel bad for the way I've been ignoring Gwen because I know that she doesn't deserve it. When I see that it's gone twelve I can't help but smile. It's Christmas.

"Happy Christmas Merlin"

"Happy Christmas Gwaine"

I know Merlin's not in the best of spirits, but I plan on hearing all about Freya when he's ready to talk again; I think that's really all he wants to do. For now I simply ring Gwen and hope that she's still awake.

"_Gwaine"_

I tense at the frantic pitch in her tone.

"Gwen what's happened, are you all right?"

I've never heard Gwen sound so scared. I can see Merlin slowly lifting himself so he's now sitting on the bed, but I have no answer for his questioning stare. What the hell am I really going to tell him?

"_Remember I told you I've been feeling sick. Well I also realized I hadn't gotten my period all month, and Arthur and I hadn't used protection. So I thought maybe I should take a pregnancy test just to make sure it's only stress. But Gwaine, I'm pregnant. I'm fucking pregnant."_

Happy fucking Christmas indeed.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and please take a minute to leave a review to tell me what you thought. Next chapter is Elaine:)<em>


	6. Elaine

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (5/8)  
><strong>Author: ceecee_05<strong>  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains minor sexual content, and swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Elaine, Lance, Arthur, Gwen, Gwaine (Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lance, Elaine/Arthur, Gwaine/Gwen, and Lance/Elaine)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Elaine's past becomes a little clearer, and just when she's given up on love it finds her.  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _Sorry this chapter took a little longer than usual. I wanted it to flow easily, and not come off as rushed._ _Well, because Elaine hasn't really been around too much in the show I've taken a few liberties with her character, but hopefully nothing too drastic._ _Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_.

_**I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has been reviewing, and really just reading this story**__. __**Your continued support is the reason why I continue to write In Our Own Skins**_**.**

* * *

><p><strong>Elaine<strong>

I quickly follow Arthur out of the room when our accounting class is over. He's talking animatedly with Kay and Bernard about Camelot's victory over Cornwall at last week's football game. I pretend to be interested in the discussion, but really I find football rather boring. Although I'll never tell Arthur that – he's really passionate about it.

I watch Arthur talk to them in childish fascination. He's really rather Barbie looking isn't he? Or whatever they call male Barbies; I never did get to play with dolls as a child. Blond hair, blue eyes, chiseled jaw. My eyes linger on his lips, and unconsciously I lick my own. I do wonder what it would be like to kiss him, but someone like Arthur would never go for a plain girl like me. I'm not hopelessly in love with him, but who knows, maybe I could be?

I detach myself from his lips when his eyes turn to me. Apparently Kay and Bernard have gone, but with all my daydreaming about kissing Arthur I hadn't noticed.

"Um…I'll be right back"

I make my way into the girl's toilets and hastily change out of my uniform. I put on a pair of tattered black skinny jeans, and a long sleeved blue top. As I make my way out of the stall into a swarm of girls fussing over the mirrors, I'm able to catch a glimpse of my reflection. I pull the ponytail out of my hair and quickly try to tame it. I know Arthur won't notice, but I have to at least try. After I apply a pink gloss to my lips, and leave the toilets; I make my way towards the entrance doors knowing Arthur will be waiting for me there. Not to disappoint I find him leaning on a pillar in all his beautiful glory.

"Ready Elaine?"

I quickly throw on my coat, hat, and gloves then give him one of the most brilliant smiles I can muster, but he barely bats an eyelash at the display; simply waits for my answer. I knew he wouldn't notice, but at least I tried.

How does he not realize that I've fancied him for months now? He cannot possibly be that oblivious?

"Uh yeah sure…"

Arthur's attention has suddenly been pulled towards something happening behind my back, and when I look there's no surprise as to what he's looking at – Gwen, talking to Lance. Well, actually it's more like Lance begging Gwen to listen to him as she unsuccessfully tries to avoid him all together. It's more than obvious by Lance's sullen expression that Gwen's still not interested in starting back where they left off, poor guy. Even if my reasons are somewhat selfish, I wouldn't have minded if they'd got back together.

"Why can't he just leave her alone?"

My gaze returns to Arthur. His eyes are stormy, his jaw set, and his lips rest in a firm line. What is it about Gwen that he loves so much? Why aren't I good enough?

I stare back at Gwen as she shies away from Lance's advances, almost as if she's in a state of absolute shock. She's pretty that's for sure - even with her skirt lower and shirt completely buttoned, but there are fitter girls Arthur doesn't look twice at. He and Merlin always speak highly of her, yet the gossip around the school is anything but kind to Guinevere Leodegrance. So what is it?

She looks insecure standing with Lance, and she quickly begins looking around for any excuse to escape, or maybe just someone to come save her. Perhaps that's what Arthur likes about her, her damsel in distress qualities?

When her eyes eventually find Arthur's, it's almost as though the air in the room shifts, and something changes within her. There's an astonishing strength about Gwen now that definitely wasn't there before, like she's conjured it by magic.

Gwen swiftly makes her way over to Arthur with the confidence of a woman on a mission. I can't help but feel bad for Lance as I watch him storm off down the corridor, we're pretty much suffering from the same problem - rejection.

I continue to watch Gwen in mild interest, but slowly my eyes stray back to Arthur stiffly standing beside me.

"Hello Elaine, how are things?"

"Alright"

I truly don't want to like her, but I really can't hate her. Sure I'm jealous of her, what woman wouldn't be when she has two very attractive men pinning for her everlasting love. I mean come on two! Does she really need two? There are so many people in the world - like me - who don't even have one, and she has two!

"Hello Arthur, may I please speak with you alone?"

"Gwen, anything you have to say to me can be said in front of Elaine."

"Arthur…"

"Gwen, you and I really don't have anything to discuss. You've said what you have to say, and I support the decision you've made."

"Arthur please just listen to me…"

"Guinevere, please don't make this any harder than it already is."

I drop my eyes in embarrassment. The way they're staring at each other makes me feel like an intruder. If it weren't for the way Arthur nudged my shoulder before he walked away, I would have felt obligated to leave them alone.

"I LOVE YOU!"

Arthur suddenly stops walking, and I nearly bump into his back. I can feel more than see the tension in his body. The entire corridor is now silent, as they all quietly watch the scene before them. I want to scream at them to mind their own business, but I'm just as interested in the situation as they are.

For a while no one says anything, and Arthur continues to keep his back to Gwen, but he doesn't move. It's almost as if he's been frozen to the spot. I dare not speak for fear of what he'll do.

I turn my back to Arthur only to see the pain in Gwen's eyes as she watches him. I look at the girl who I've envied for months, and all I feel is pity. In that moment I realize that Arthur and I will never happen. Behind the pain I can see her love for him, and the sheer force of it scares me. I've never loved someone so deeply, and I don't know if I could ever love Arthur like that.

Gwen slowly walks towards us, and I move out of her way so she can reach him. I really like Arthur, but my feelings are nothing compared to what I saw in Gwen's eyes.

I sadly start to wonder if Arthur and I are truly just better off as mates. Maybe Gwen is the right person for him?

"Arthur, I love you."

My heart nearly breaks at the look on Arthur's face. Gwen's words should be bringing him joy, but all I can see is utter and complete anguish.

"I don't believe you."

"Arthur…"

At the desperation on Gwen's face I quickly realize how private this conversation should be, but that now most of the school is watching them intently. I' m still not a huge fan of Arthur and Gwen together, but they don't deserve to be the butt of gossip for the rest of term. Where are the teachers when you actually need them?

"How can I trust you'll stay with me, when all you do is run away Guinevere? If you truly loved me you wouldn't have split up with me after…after what we shared."

"I did it for you Arthur. I'm not good enough for…"

"You wouldn't spend all your time with my cousin flaunting your relationship with him."

By now everyone is starting to whisper and point at Gwen, and she's certainly aware of the dirty looks most of her female peers are giving her.

This isn't right, but I don't know what to do. If I try to calm Arthur down now he'll just go off on me too. At the moment he doesn't seem to be able to notice anything but the pain and hurt that Gwen has caused him.

"Gwaine and I are JUST friends. I had no one else to…"

"I'll never be good enough for you will I? I'm not Lance, and I'm not Gwaine. I'm just the adopted little brother to the girl that fucked your boyfriend."

The _oohs_ and _ahhs_ are drowned out by the sound of Gwen's hand swiftly connecting with Arthur's cheek. Instantly the corridor goes silent. There's no sound besides the heavy breathing of nearly every person in the room.

My eyes stay locked on Arthur as his eyes go wide and scared. He already knows he's messed up.

"Guinevere I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Shit, I don't know why I…"

Gwen doesn't wait for Arthur to continue his apology before she starts to make her way quickly from his presence, kindly asking people to move as she all but runs for any exit to the building.

"Ah fuck, I'm such a fucking twat. She's never going to forgive me for this. Why the bloody hell did I even say that to her?"

"Gwen loves you Arthur, she'll forgive you. She just needs some time, don't give up already."

By now the crowd is quickly starting to thin out as people excitedly discuss Arthur and Gwen's relationship problems like bloody parasites.

Arthur has started to notice the large groups of girls hovering around him, but he doesn't care. Now I glumly realize that if they aren't Guinevere Leodegrance he'll never care.

"Come on Pendragon; best to leave before they attack us."

He doesn't smile, but the corners of his lips twitch as we hastily walk to his red Lamborghini. With Merlin off sick for the past few weeks he hasn't had any reason to have anyone but me in his car.

We drive in silence for the entire ride, and I can't help but wish that Merlin was here. Over the past few months I've learned that no matter what sort of mood Arthur's in, Merlin is one of the only people who can help get him to open up.

We arrive at Shingles. The place is a dive no matter who's looking at it, but the tips are good and my aunt and I really need the money. Though technically speaking, I'm not really old enough to work as a bartender.

"You've never really told me what exactly you do here."

I've already got one leg out the side of the car, but stop and turn to Arthur when I hear his voice. Truthfully I haven't told anyone what I do here, and besides Merlin, no one has ever asked.

"My aunt owns the place, so I come here after school most days and work as a hostess for her."

I don't like lying to Arthur, and I didn't like lying to Merlin, but talking about my money problems are embarrassing.

"That's a restaurant?"

I raise my eyebrow at his inquiry knowing he isn't purposely trying to offend me, but I'm unable to stop myself from teasing him a little.

"I didn't mean it like that, it's just…shit. I just can't stop saying the wrong thing today."

He runs his hands frustratingly through his hair, and the small grin slips from my face.

"I'm sorry Elaine, I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay Arthur, anyone with eyes would ask the same question. The place is quite literally falling apart. It's more like a pub that serves food, which is really like most pubs. So I guess it's really just a pub."

I chuckle but he doesn't seem to care for my poor attempt at humour. God I really need to stop trying to flirt with him, we're only ever going to be mates. Gwen's the one he's madly in love with, not me.

"So what does a hostess do at a pub?"

He's staring at me in confusion, and I'm suddenly stumped for a clever response. Fuck.

"I…Well…You see I kind of just greet people when they come in. Ask them if they want something to drink or eat."

"In a pub isn't that the bartender's job?"

"Well yeah they do that too"

I try not to make it obvious that I'm trying to run out of his car, but I know I'm failing miserably.

"Right…but…"

"I really wish I could stay, but I'm already late. So laters, and thanks for the ride."

"Elaine wait!"

I'm just about to leg it out of his car, but I respectfully sit back down instead. Why can't my stupid crush just go away already?

"Arthur, I've gotta go."

"I know I know, I was just going to say be careful. This place doesn't look all that safe."

I can't help the genuine smile that comes to my face at his words, and I have to look away from him when I feel my cheeks warm.

"I'll be fine Arthur. You drop me here at least four days a week without a word, why the sudden concern today?"

"I don't know, just feels like everyone I care about is leaving me, and I don't want you to be one of them."

He smiles sadly at me, and it takes all my conviction not to cry or look pityingly at him. What's happened to the arrogant, but adorable Arthur Pendragon I met in September?

"Oh Arthur it'll take more than Shingles to take me away from you."

I hate how desperate I sound to my own ears, but I know with Arthur's obliviousness he won't hear it.

"This place sounds like a strip club."

The sound of his laughter is like music to my ears. That's more like the Arthur I know.

"I'm sorry to tell you that it's not. Though, your question does make me wonder how many strip clubs you've been frequenting?"

My eyebrow is raised again, but this time Arthur is smiling along with me. If only things could remain this care free.

"Sorry mate, but that's not a story for your delicate ears."

"Well maybe I'll just ask Merlin, he'll sing like a canary."

The arrogant smirk quickly drops from his face. Saying the name Merlin around Arthur is no longer allowed. When Merlin had to leave Camelot the gossip started, and eventually his cancer was discovered. When Arthur found out he was furious, not really the reaction everyone expected him to have, but Arthur's always full of surprises.

"Are you ever going to visit him? It's been two weeks already."

Arthur says nothing, just grips the steering wheel tighter. I take his silence as a hint to finally get out of the car.

"If you need a ride home ring me."

With that said he hastily drives away from Shingles, and back onto the road. Before I go into the decaying building I stand and watch him until his red Lamborghini is just a small dot in the distance.

-o-

I swiftly make my way to the back of the bar, hang up my coat, and give Edmund an apologetic _sorry_ before throwing my bag out of sight. He just scoffs as he scurries from the bar and out the main door to Shingles.

I know not to be offended, Edmund's always an arse to me, whether I'm late or on time. Well, he's pretty much a nob to everyone that comes into the pub. I'm sure that's why our boss prefers to have me work the night shifts - when we actually have customers.

The place is pretty quiet, nobody really shows up until around seven – after work. I usually start on my homework until then. Mr. Fisher never bothers me while I do my studies, but most importantly he doesn't say anything to my boss or Edward. I keep pouring him drinks when he asks for them, and he stays silent. Yes Mr. Fisher is a very lonely man, and an alcoholic. Sometimes I think the only reason he comes in here is so he doesn't have to drink alone. With the amount of time he spends in this place I doubt he has a family at home.

I'm just about to get started on my maths homework for the weekend when I hear the sound of the main doors open. I hastily put my books back in my bag and jump to attention. I double back at the sight before me.

We stare at each other unsure of how to proceed. Mr. Fisher asks for another scotch, and I quickly drop my gaze as I grab a clean glass, fill it with his favourite drink, and walk over to his usual table in the corner by the window.

By the time I return to my place behind the bar Lance is already seated on a stool facing me. He's more disheveled than when I saw him at College. His hairs tousled, his face looks tired, and his white school shirt obviously hadn't been ironed this morning, but all in all Lance DuLac still looks good.

"Hey Lance, what are you doing here?"

I don't really know Lance all that well. While he was dating Gwen we were much more sociable with each other – Lance really is a sweet guy, but now with Arthur being his least favourite person - besides Morgan, I haven't really had a conversation with him in months.

"I should really be asking you that question. It's not every day you see an eleventh year working behind a bar."

"What do you want Lance?"

"A drink, actually I'd like a few drinks."

"I didn't peg you for an alcoholic, but I guess a broken heart will have that effect on people."

"Don't pretend like you have any idea what I'm going through Elaine. Just get me a drink, or I'll be forced to tell your boss he's employed a minor."

"Look I know you're hurting, but that doesn't give you the right to behave like a twat. You give me money and I'll give you your bloody drinks."

I clumsily pull out a clean glass for him and then watch as it slips from my fingers and shatters when it hits the ground.

"Shit"

I hurriedly go to clean up the mess I've made. Yes, I sometimes break things because of my clumsiness, but this time I blame Lance for my blunder. He's grating on my last nerve, and normally I'm a pretty calm person.

Once I'm done tidying up all the pieces on the floor I take out another clean glass, and thankfully don't drop it.

"What do you want Lance?"

He slams down a few quid on the table, and looks me directly in the eye.

"Give me two shots of vodka, and a pint to start. After that I'll call you when I need something else."

I move to get Lance his drinks, and place all three of them in front of him with a mixed look of disgust and anger on my face. I'm not really mad at Lance per say, just what he's letting himself become. The Lance I remember is honourable and kind, the man before me now is just a shell of that person.

"Here, now you can drink yourself to death."

"Don't judge me Elaine. You're a bloody bartender you give people drinks for a living. What makes me any different from them?"

"EVERYTHING!"

Mr. Fisher raises his head and looks over at us, so I move closer to Lance as he downs his second shot and begins to sip his pint. He barely looks like he's paying attention, but I can't bear to see someone like him go down this road.

"You're better than this Lance."

"You don't even know me. I'm a fuck up. I ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me because I'm weak."

My anger starts to wane when I see the sadness and guilt in his eyes. Lance will never be able to move on from Gwen until he forgives himself for what happened with Morgan.

"We all make mistakes Lance."

"Some make stupider ones than others."

"Eventually Gwen will forgive you. She's not a spiteful person."

As hard as it is to admit I know it's true. Gwen's a good person, and sooner or later she'll forgive Lance for what he did with Morgan.

"She already forgave me."

"Well isn't that good?"

If Gwen's already said she forgives him, why is Lance acting as if the world is coming to an end?

"She forgave me, but she doesn't want me anymore. Now she's all over Pendragon and Gwaine. My best mate spends more time with my ex than he does with me. He even learned to fucking drive so he could chauffeur her around. And you know what he says when I ask him why he's doing it?"

"What?"

"That she needs someone right now. That everyone she relied on has turned their back on her. Well that's all bollocks. She's the one that doesn't want anything to do with me!"

"You just have to give her some time Lance. She's still hurt by what happened, but she still cares for you…"

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Lie to me to try and make me feel better. She couldn't care less about me."

"I'm not lying Lance, I know Gwen…"

"I asked her to marry me, and she looked like I'd told her that I'd murdered someone."

There's a pregnant pause after his last declaration, and Lance takes the opportunity to down the last bit of his drink. He asked her to marry him! No wonder Gwen was so frightened by him earlier; she probably thought he'd lost his mind.

"Yeah, I know you don't have to say it, I'm an idiot."

"You're not an…"

Lance gives me an incredulous look, and I fail to conceal the giggles that escape from my mouth. I grin when he joins in and laughs along.

"Okay, maybe it wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done, but I'm sure it was very romantic."

Knowing Lance it was over the top romantic, even if it was done in the middle of the school corridor.

"I recited a poem"

At that I can't help but outright laugh. Lance is such a hopeless romantic. At least he didn't bring her flowers and chocolates.

"Hey, I'll have you know it was a very good poem."

"I believe you, you're a modern day Casanova Mr. DuLac."

"You think so?"

"You're Lance, the poetic soul, the hopeless romantic, and the bloke girls like me swoon over with just a wink in our direction."

Shit! Why did I have to say that? His eyebrows rise in surprise, and I practically trip over my own feet when I attempt to move away from him.

"Do you want another pint?"

I keep my back towards him to ward off the red tinge on my cheeks. Yes, I have always found Lance rather attractive, but I didn't want him to know that.

"Girls like you?"

I don't even have to look at him to know he's smirking at me. The alcohol must be making him bolder because Lance isn't usually this gregarious.

"Well obviously not girls exactly like me. Just you know girls around my age."

I busy myself with making him another drink as I answer him. The blush is still heating my cheeks, and I don't want to embarrass myself any further by having him see it. I place the drink in front of him, and keep my eyes off of Lance's beautiful face. I mean his okay looking face.

"I didn't pay for this drink."

"This one's on the house."

He looks at the pint, but makes no move to drink it.

"What are you doing here Elaine?"

"I could ask you the same thing?"

We stare at each other, waiting for the other to admit defeat. Luckily for me Lance sighs and drops his eyes first.

"After Gwen rejected me I went to the Rising Sun, but because I'm a minor they refused to serve me. I thought the further out I went the more likely it would be for me to find a bartender who would serve me. I've never been here but it looked…perfect for someone in my situation. So what are you doing here Elaine?"

It's now my turn to sigh and look away. I've never told anyone about my financial _situation._

"I need the money, and working here pays more than the fast food places I used to work at. Although I'm really only here until I finally get hired as a waitress at one of the posh restaurants I applied to."

I chuckle, but Lance doesn't join me.

"I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, but why do you need the money."

"Yes you are, but I'll tell you if you promise not to tell anyone."

"Wait, so no one knows about all this? You didn't tell Pendragon or Emerys?"

I shake my head as I unconsciously begin cleaning dirtied glasses as a way to busy myself. I've never had this conversation with anyone, so I'm a little nervous about discussing my problems with him. Not to mention Lance and I aren't particularly close, but he seems genuine enough, and it would be nice not to have to hide, even if only for a moment.

"It's not something you usually tell people. It's embarrassing to talk about being less fortunate than others."

My hand stills on the glass, and I quickly glance at Lance to gauge his reaction. He's looking at me pityingly, and I silently bring my eyes back to the task at hand before I break another glass.

"I never would have guessed you were… You know you don't look… "

"Poor"

"Well yeah."

"I get some good clothes at a shelter not too far from my house. The amount of clothes rich kids give away should be a crime."

I laugh bitterly when I think about the amount of handouts I've had to get just to get where I am today. I've lived with poverty most of my life, before moving to Albion I definitely looked _poor_.

"How did this happen to you? What I mean is were you always less fortunate?"

I smile at Lance's struggle to remain polite when discussing such a delicate issue with me. It took me a while to stop envying people like him, but eventually I realized it was a waste of energy. Neither of us got to choose how we were going to get to live our lives.

"My mother died in a car crash when I was very young, and my father disappeared to God knows where when I was seven. I was sent to live with my great Aunt Gretchen because she was the only living relative that they could find. She didn't have much, but I preferred living with her than going into care."

I chocked back a sob. I am not a victim, and I never will be. I am strong.

"By ten I was working and going to school. Nothing major just cleaning bathrooms at a few different places after class. Back then I didn't have that much money for clothes, so kids used to tease me a lot, also didn't help that I'm so clumsy. I always did really well in school though, and I learned early on that the only way out was school. In my tenth year I aced all my exams, and because of it I got a letter from Camelot asking if I'd like to attend on a full scholarship. Camelot is the best College in the country, so to say coming here has been a dream come true would be an understatement."

I strengthen my grip on the rag in my hand as I remember all the things I've had to go through to get to where I am today. I don't even notice that I've been wiping down the same area of the counter over and over again.

"The only problem was they weren't giving us a place to stay. My aunt and I had to look for the cheapest places in the area, and even then they were out of our price range. But, we made sacrifices and here I am, going to College at Camelot. Getting the best education money can buy."

I startle when I feel Lance's hand on mine. I've been staring into space so long I almost forgot that I'd been talking to him and not myself.

"You Elaine Channing are one amazing woman."

He's looking at me in awe, and I furiously shake my head at his words while trying desperately to ignore the blush now gracing my pale skin.

"No, I just took every opportunity that came at me, and worked my arse off."

We laugh, and I'm thankful that the mood in the air seems to have become that much lighter. Who knew spending time with Lance could be so _relaxing_?

"I think you need this drink more than I do."

"No thanks, I don't drink."

"Oh come off it Elaine, it's only me and what's his face in the corner – who might I add isn't even paying any attention to us. I promise I won't tell. Come on…"

"My mum died because of a drunk driver, so I don't drink Lance."

"I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"It's alright, how could you have known? I work in a bloody pub."

I smile at him to show him I'm not angry with him, and the tension in his shoulders gradually wanes before he grins back at me.

"Well, I think I'm done so you might want to give this free pint to the bloke over there. Though, I will take a free bottled water."

My eyebrows rise of their own accord.

"I thought you were planning on getting pissed today?"

"What can I say, a mate showed me the error of my ways. When things got tough, she got tougher. What kind of man would I be if I just gave up?"

"Indeed"

A few people are starting to come through the doors and I finally realize I've been talking to Lance for the past three hours. I quickly grab him a chilled bottled water so I can get to work.

"I've gotta get to work. Have a good night Lance, and thanks for listening."

"When do you finish?"

"Not til one.,"

"Alright I'll be back by one to pick you up."

I'm just about to go get a few pints ready for the new arrivals, when his words finally sink in.

"What? No Lance you don't have to do that. The bus isn't too far from here, and it takes me…"

"Look Elaine, I want to okay. Just let me give you a ride home. I'd feel better knowing you weren't riding the bus alone at one in the morning in this area."

He looks sincere so I nod my head as I watch him slowly leave the building.

"Oh Elaine"

"Yeah"

"I promise, you're secrets safe with me."

When he winks at me before exiting through the main doors, I can't help the smile that slips onto my face as I grab a few more glasses and get to work. Smug bastard!

-o-

True to his word Lance came and picked me up at one. Then the next day he showed up again, and we talked for a bit. He didn't ask for a drink, and I didn't offer. He asked me what time I would be finished,- and just showed up later that night to pick me up. Sunday I only worked the afternoon so I didn't get to see him.

Throughout the next week of school Lance and I rarely spoke, and Arthur continued to give me rides to Shingles. Although after Arthur dropped me off Lance would show up and talk to me for a bit, then by the time I got off he'd be there to pick me up. I knew it should have felt odd to be spending so much time with Lance, but everything just felt so natural with him. He was kind and funny, and humourous really wasn't something that most people would think of when they thought of Lance DuLac. I learned that he spoke English, French, and Spanish fluently, and he continuously tried and failed to teach me French and Spanish. I told him about my love for animals and that I wanted to go to school to become a veterinarian, and he offered to take me to his uncle's stable when I had some free time.

I'd never had a friend like Lance, and couldn't deny that I enjoyed spending time with him. We never talked about Gwen and Arthur unless he really needed to get something off his chest. I told him I used to have a crush on Arthur, and he laughed as he said _I know_. I no longer found myself fantasizing about Arthur Pendragon. The blond hair and blue eyes in my dreams had become dark brown and chocolate. In only a week with Lance I could feel myself falling, and it terrified me. The possibility of my new found feelings pushing Lance away wasn't an option, so I knew I had to keep them to myself.

By the second week Lance started picking me up in the mornings before College, and I did my best to pretend like it didn't matter. He was just being a good mate. Arthur started to notice that Lance and I were becoming friendlier with each other, but he didn't say anything about it, and I was thankful for that. If he asked what was going on between us, I wouldn't have had a response.

The Valentine's Day dance was in a few days and I'd agreed to go with Arthur as mates - Lance said he didn't want to go. I knew Arthur had only asked me because Gwen was going with Gwaine, but I didn't mind; neither of us were attending alongside the people we really wanted to go with. When I'd told Lance I was going with Arthur he didn't really seem to care. He was probably just happy that he wasn't going with Gwen.

Two days before the dance Lance had offered to drive me home. I didn't have to work and Arthur had to go shadow his father at the Mayor's office. When he'd asked me what I was going to wear, I'd simply shrugged and said whatever I found at the shelter. A few minutes later he turned into a fancy boutique and stopped the engine. When he got out I followed him in confusion. We walked around the store aimlessly for a while refusing the saleswoman when they asked if we needed help. He asked me if I liked anything, and I'd told him it was all too expensive. Then he said if I could get one thing in the store what would it be? I told him I liked the knee length yellow strapless dress at the front, and he told me to try it on for shits and giggles. When I came out he smiled, and I blushed. The next day when he picked me up from work the dress was in the back seat. When we reached my house he put it in my hands kissed me on my cheek, and just said _Happy Valentine's Day Elaine_. I'll never tell him that when I reached my tiny room I cried myself to sleep because I was so happy.

Now Arthur and I are sitting quietly at a table while I sip my punch, and he watches Gwen and Gwaine laughing and dancing a short distance away. She looks absolutely beautiful in a long formfitting dark purple dress. Gwaine looks good too, but he usually does.

I know he's miserable, but Arthur Pendragon has proven himself to be one of the most stubborn people I have ever met. Gwen's been staring at him all night, and I already know she's found it in her heart to forgive him - who wouldn't with him in that white shirt. Even if I can't find happiness today with the one I care about, at least I can help out a mate.

"Arthur just go and talk to her."

"I can't"

I roll my eyes at him, but he's not looking at me. He's being an idiot, and it's starting to make me angry.

"Do you love her Arthur?"

"What?"

"Do you love Gwen?"

The song finishes and Gwen looks over and catches Arthur's eye. Neither one of them looks away until Gwaine pulls her, and she's forced to break eye contact with him.

"With all my heart."

My eyes soften at the look of longing that passes across his features. I may not fancy him anymore, but Arthur Pendragon is a good bloke, and there aren't that many left in the world. Gwen's a lucky girl to have earned his love.

"Then go to her because she loves you too."

I smile when he looks at me with uncertainty. I know he's scared she'll reject him again, but I know she won't. That day in the corridors she wanted to make amends. She wanted him back.

"She's with Gwaine, and she's already told me that she can't be with me."

I scowl at him when his jaw hardens, and he turns away from me. Bloody hell do I really have to drag him over there kicking and screaming?

"Look Arthur Gwen made a mistake. I know it hurt you, but are you really prepared to spend the rest of your life without her because she made a stupid mistake?"

I can tell he's listening to me. His legs shaking anxiously, and he looks more worried than he did a moment ago.

"People make mistakes Arthur. Don't deny your heart the one thing it wants because of fear or anger. If you do you'll let yourself miss out on something amazing. Besides, it's Valentine's Day, the day for lovers. So either go to her of your own freewill, or I'll drag you over there like the spoilt prince you're behaving like."

He laughs, and I laugh with him. He gives me a long look, and I don't find myself feeling at all embarrassed. Arthur's my mate, and sometimes they need to hear the hard truth so they can stop being stupid.

"When did you get so aggressive Ms. Channing?"

I ignore his raised eyebrow, and lightly hit him on the arm.

"What can I say, I'm growing Mr. Pendragon, and I've probably been spending too much time with you."

We share a small smile before his face turns serious. God what now?

"So you and Lance…"

"Don't even start, we're just mates."

And that's all we'll ever be.

"Alright fine, I was just asking; someone needs to look out for you."

"And is that person supposed to be you?"

"Ugh, I don't have a bloody choice."

I punch him in the arm a little harder than before with a large smile on my face. So this is what it feels like to have real mates? I guess I could get used to it.

"Twat"

"Oie, you've definitely been spending too much time with me."

"Yeah I know, so get. Gwen's waiting Prince Charming."

She and Gwaine are standing by the punch table, and if I didn't know any better I'd say Gwaine's pouring something into the bowl. I certainly won't be going for another cup.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright on your own Elaine?"

"You worry too much Arthur, it's a party I'll be fine without you. I'll just find some poor unsuspecting bloke to dance with me."

"Please be gentle with him. My dad's the mayor, but even I can't get you immunity if his severed feet wash up somewhere."

"Oh shut up!"

"Really, thank you Elaine, and I know I haven't said it yet, but you do look beautiful tonight."

The dress does look beautiful, and it is now the most exquisite piece of clothing I own. Along with the dress Lance threw in some expensive looking diamond earrings, a simple necklace, and silver bracelet. As if all that wasn't already enough, there was also a pair of black suede heels that I knew where much too high for someone as clumsy as myself, but of course I wore them anyways.

"Thank you Arthur, you don't look half bad yourself."

He gives a cocky smirk in reply, and I can't help but roll my eyes in amusement. It's good to see him happy again.

"Wish me luck."

He grins before he starts to walk away, and I quickly shout _you won't need it _at his retreating back.

He looks like he's walking on eggshells as he slowly makes his way towards Gwen and Gwaine, who are now seated at a table a few tables over. I know Arthur and Gwaine aren't on the best of terms at the moment, but Gwaine doesn't give him any problems when he finally reaches them. Surprisingly enough, Gwaine gets up and leaves to give them some privacy. I can see a few other people watching Arthur and Gwen talk, their very public confrontation in the corridors a few weeks ago still very juicy gossip. These people seriously need to get a hobby. I mean I have an excuse because Arthur's my mate, and I practically forced him to go over there, they don't.

When I finally see them hug and make their way to the dance floor, I can't help but smile. There's always that couple from College that go on to get married, have lots of babies, and spend the rest of their lives together. While I watch Arthur and Gwen dance slowly to a rather fast paced song, there's no doubt in my mind that they are that couple. One day, I want to have what they do.

I sit and just listen to the music for a while. A few blokes came up to me and asked me to dance, but I turned them all down – I'm too scared to dance with anyone wearing these heels. I start to ponder whether or not I should take a cab or the bus home. The bus is cheaper, but I know if I try to walk home in these shoes I'll probably break my neck. So really in the long run a few extra quid to avoid being on bed rest and losing my job doesn't seem like a bad idea.

Just as I'm trying to stand without falling and making a fool of myself, I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and it sends tingles all over my skin.

"Hey"

At the sound of Lance's voice I actually trip over my feet, and am only saved the embarrassment of falling because his strong arms are holding me upright. I blush when I realize he's embracing me tenderly in his arms. Get a hold of yourself Elaine. He's just trying to make sure you don't fall. Lance helps me steady myself, and I ignore the slight chill I feel when his arms leave my skin.

"Still forever the clumsiest girl in the room, eh Elaine?"

My hands fall to my hips, and I do my best to stare him down.

"I'm only being clumsy because you got me four inch heels, and I've only ever worn two."

"Oh"

"Yeah"

I can't stop the smile that forms on my lips when his hand slowly runs through his short dark locks, and his face displays the cutest sheepish expression I've ever seen on anyone before. He's dressed in black trousers and a red shirt, and he looks so very fit.

"Sorry about that. The woman in the shop said that all the girls wear them."

"Well, obviously not this girl."

"Yeah, cause your different."

He smiles at me, and all my anger instantly melts away. It isn't fair that he has this power over me because I know he's only being polite. I'm different because I work as a bartender, live in a small house with two bedrooms, one loo, and a kitchen, and wear clothes from a shelter.

"I thought you weren't coming Lance? If I remember correctly your exact words were _school dances are for little kids_."

He rolls his eyes, and I stick my tongue out at him. Honestly I'm just happy he's here. Like really jump up and down happy. Even though I saw him earlier today, for some reason I missed him.

"Well I thought, this is my last Valentine's Day dance might as well take advantage of it."

My smirk falls at the reminder that he won't be here next year. If I missed him after a few hours, how was I going to handle months away from him?

"Plus, I wanted to see how you'd look all dolled up in that dress, and you don't disappoint. You look absolutely beautiful Ms. Elaine Channing."

My legs almost give out when he says that to me. Arthur had basically said the same thing earlier, but when Lance said it I felt butterflies. I've never felt butterflies before.

"Oh no, tell me you aren't going to recite a poem for me."

The sound of his laugh makes the fluttering in my stomach grow stronger, and I can't help but subconsciously glance at his lips.

"You look rather dashing Mr. DuLac. I've already dubbed Arthur Prince Charming, but perhaps you can be a knight? What do you say to that?"

His eyes are piercing into me now, and I can't look away. I may have been falling before, but I know that now I've already reached the ground. It hasn't even been a month. No one falls in love that quickly, do they?

He's whispering in my ear, and I know in these few seconds my breathing has sky rocketed, and my heart is racing. He smells so good.

"Well seeing as neither one of us has a Valentine on so joyous a holiday, how about I be your knight in shining armor? Hm…"

I merely shake my head in shock, and he wraps his arms around my waist.

"So how about a dance, it's a slow one."

"I don't know, I've been trying to avoid dancing with these shoes on all night. I'd either fall on my arse, or impale your toes."

I giggle because I feel like I'm floating. Whatever cologne Lance's wearing I'm drowning in it, and enjoying every minute of it.

"Just take them off and hold them. Then you can even step on my shoes if you want, don't worry I'll hold you close so you won't fall."

"You won't let me fall?"

"Never"

I believe him, so I take the heels off and hold them in my hands. As soon as my shoes are off Lance grabs me, and pulls me back into his arms. He feels like home, and I never want to leave.

Lance practically carries me to the dance floor, and I can't help but notice how strong he is. My arms quickly wrap around his neck, and my heads falls to his shoulder as we move softly to the music. I can see Arthur and Gwen swaying to the music in the distance, and wonder if maybe Lance and I can have what they do.

"Happy Valentine's Day Elaine"

Maybe, just maybe…

"Happy Valentine's Day Lance"

We move a little more to the music, until I'm barely paying attention to anything besides the soft beating of Lance's heart.

"She looks beautiful doesn't she? She's actually genuinely happy with him."

And just like that, I know we'll never have what they do.

* * *

><p><em>Okay so way less drama in this chapter. I thought I'd give you guys a much needed break lol There was a lot that I wanted to add to this chapter, but I felt it was just too much to put it all in. It was already so long without it.<em>

_Arthur and Gwen are finally back together though! So yay there \o/_

_Yes, Elaine is going to be in love with Lance. He does have feelings for her, but his love for Gwen isn't that fleeting for him to completely forget her so quickly._

_Merlin's secret is finally out, and Arthur is not happy with him at all._

_Aunt Gretchen is Grunhilda, but in this story she isn't evil._

_The next chapter will be in two parts, and it is Arthur's chapter._

_If you have any questions, concerns, or you just want to leave a comment about your opinion on the story so far please feel free to review! No matter what thank you for reading:)_


	7. Arthur I

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (6a/8)  
><strong>Author: <strong> **ceecee_05**  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains some sexual content, and swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Arthur/Gwen, Elaine, Gwaine, Merlin, Uther, Lance, Hunith  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors  
><strong>Summary:<strong> It's almost Arthur's birthday. If only he didn't have to deal with his father constantly interfering in his life, his best mate dying, and stupid wankers.  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _ This is the first part of Arthur's chapter. Part two will be out as soon as possible. Michelle is supposed to be Mithian, and Melvin is loosely based off of Melwas from the legends. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_.

* * *

><p><strong>Arthur<strong>

I can't help but smile at the look on Guinevere's face as my lips trace over her soft skin. I want to spend my entire life waking up like this with her.

"Arthur stop it, that's ticklish."

At the sound of her giggles I quickly jump up to peck her lips before returning to my previous task of kissing her protruding stomach. She's really starting to show now, and I can't wait to meet my child. When I see her stomach I can't stop the pride from swelling in my gut at the thought that I did that.

When Gwen first told me about the baby I was afraid that the father might be Gwaine. He told me profusely that they didn't have that kind of relationship, but I still couldn't help but be jealous of their chummy interactions. So, when Guinevere finally sat me down the week after we got back together and told me that she was pregnant, the only thought circulating through my mind at the time had been _Shit, now I have to murder my cousin!_ When she then told me that I was the father, I actually cried a little. Would I ever admit that to anyone – no, but with Guinevere I knew she wouldn't think any less of me.

"Arthur stop it your mobile's ringing, and it sounds like your father."

I groan as the sound of the Darth Vadar theme music from Star Wars plays in the background. A few days ago I thought it best to change my ringer to something more befitting of my father.

"Fuck"

"Arthur! Remember we're trying to use good language around the stomach."

"Oh yeah forgot. Sorry little one."

I kiss Gwen's bump one final time before answering my mobile, although before responding I can't help but tease her.

"Even though you were screaming _Ah Fuck Arthur, yes right fucking there_ over and over again all morning."

Her entire face heats so much that even her mocha complexion can't stop her from looking as red as a tomato. I simply chuckle and wink as I leap out of the bed as naked as the day I was born. I love it when Guinevere watches me while I'm naked, and depending on what father has to say now there might be a round two taking place very soon. Especially if she doesn't stop looking at me like _that_.

"_ARTHUR"_

I startle at the sound of my father's voice, my eyes still drinking in Gwen's naked form. A few seconds ago she removed the quilt from her body and then began rubbing her hands tantalizingly across her skin. Damn, this woman will definitely be the death of me, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I can't stop my body from instinctively reacting to her lying there in front of me. Oh God, is it wrong that knowing she's caring my child makes me want to devour her even more?

"Yes father I'm here."

I have to force myself to close my eyes and turn away once Gwen starts rubbing her hands over her engorging breasts, and then looks at me with that come hither look. Who knew my Guinevere was such a seductress?

I gulp as I try to clear thoughts of Gwen's nude body from my brain, but I'm having some difficulty.

"_Don't tell me you're at that lowly girl's house again?"_

Well that certainly helped.

"Father, please don't start with this again."

"_I can't believe her parents really allow you to just bed her in their house like this. You don't see blokes sleeping over in Morgan's room, because a good parent wouldn't encourage that type of behaviour."_

That's really only because Morgan doesn't want them to stay the night. If only father knew what a revolving door Morgan's bedroom has become. The amount of blokes that have sampled her, 'goods' as it were.

"What is it you want?"

I really should tell father about the baby. I mean eventually he'll have to find out, but I know what his reaction will be. He'll try and pay Guinevere off, or scare her away from me. My father can be an intimidating man when he wants to be.

"_Watch your tone. I am your father, and you will show me some respect."_

"Yes father"

Unintentionally my back stiffens, and I release a strangled breath. Father tries so hard to control every aspect of my life, and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm being suffocated. I love him dearly, but I refuse to let him ruin my relationship with Guinevere and our unborn child.

"_Your birthday is tomorrow. As such I wish to remind you that that night - as usual - we will be dinning with a few suitable families, and it is imperative that you are present."_

I sigh at the reminder of my annual duty. For years I've been subjected to these unbearable dinners that ruin more than celebrate my birthday. Father has never allowed me to bring Merlin as a guest because his family reputation doesn't even rank on the list of high society. And after last year's events Gwaine's been banned from ever returning – at least the conversation had been more enjoyable with him around.

"_This year there will be plenty of girls around your age. Of course Vivian will be there, and I have it under good authority that Michelle Fair will be attending this year with her father. I hear she's grown rather beautiful over the past few years. I still remember when you were younger you used to be quite taken with her. Perhaps when you see her again you'll forget all about this homely girl your bedding."_

I can't help but pass my fingers through my hair in frustration. What will it take to get father to see reason? I thought Michelle was pretty, but more importantly I was eight and she liked playing football. He can't honestly think that a small crush from nearly nine years ago will make me forget the love of my life?

"Father I love Guinevere, nothing and no one will ever change that. Can't you just be happy that I've found someone who loves me for who I am?"

"_You think she loves you, but she's what they call a gold-digger Arthur. I've warned you repeatedly about her kind in the past. I don't understand why you continue to fight me on this."_

"Father…"

I'm so tired of this conversation. No matter how many times I tell him Guinevere has money of her own he doesn't seem to believe me. No, he doesn't want to believe me!

Is it really so wrong for us to love each other?

"_Now Arthur I know I'm not the easiest man to deal with…"_

That's putting it rather lightly.

"…_but I do it only because I want the best for you. I understand you think you have feelings for this girl, but what you feel for her is nothing more than lust. I'll allow you to have your fun with her, but I implore you to remember that nothing can become of the relationship you've created with her. She is not worthy of the title Pendragon, and deep down I think you know this Arthur. Isn't that why you continue to shelter her from me? You're ashamed of her and her breeding. Which to be fair is completely understandable considering her…"_

More like I'm embarrassed of you, and how you'll treat her.

"I keep her away from you because I don't want to upset her."

"_Why would you think I'd…"_

"Father, you can't control who I love, or who I marry."

I know that continuously speaking over him is only angering him more, but at the moment I don't care. How dare he tell me who I can, and can't be with? He knows nothing about Guinevere, and therefore has no right to judge her.

"_I am your father, and you are still under my care. I can have you marry whomever I chose."_

I can feel my heart pounding a little bit harder in my chest at his words. Knowing who my father is and what he's like, it's clear that he's threatening me.

Yes he is my legal guardian, but would he really force me into marriage? Can he? Yes fathers all about maintaining tradition, but would he really force me into marrying someone I don't love just to guarantee that the Pendragon name remains amongst the wealthy? Ugh, why am I even contemplating this, of course he would.

"You wouldn't, people would talk. You won't risk that kind of negative publicity in the press just to make a point."

"_The press will release what I tell them to release. I've allowed you much freedom in who you spend your time with Arthur, but when it comes to marriage there will be no discussion. You will marry someone of your own background, and not someone… common."_

My head falls furiously into my hands. How dare he threaten me on this! I've done everything he's ever wanted of me, and the one time I want something for myself he threatens to marry me off to someone of his choosing. I'm livid, but above all else I'm scared. I have another year before my eighteenth birthday; an entire year that father has to do with me what he wishes.

At the feeling of small arms wrapping around my torso I slowly begin to relax. There is no one else besides Guinevere, and there never will be. I know I'll have to figure something out, because I will not lose my family because of my father. Guinevere and the baby need to come first, and they will.

"I'll be there for the dinner in something presentable. I've got to go, College in a bit."

"_Of course, just remember what I've said."_

How can I ever forget?

"Goodbye Father"

"_Goodbye Arthur"_

I'm more than happy to end that conversation. I throw my mobile on the bed and turn into Gwen's embrace. Neither of us speak as we hold each other, we don't need words. Eventually she pulls away and walks towards her cupboard.

"You should take a bath"

I swiftly make my way to her, and then wrap my arms around her and our child before raining kisses down her neck.

"Or _we_ can take a bath together…"

I continue to kiss down to her shoulders until she turns around and pulls my lips to hers. When we finally come up for air she's smiling up at me, and my heart clenches in joy. No matter what my father believes, my feelings for Guinevere go far beyond lust. She's not perfect, and I don't want her to be. I say I love her not because it's the epitome of my feelings, but because it's the only word I know that comes close to explaining how I feel about her.

"It'll be alright Arthur. The three of us will get through this together."

When her hands thread through mine to rest on her stomach, my eyes stray to hers and it takes all of my willpower not to cry in happiness. I'd wait forever for Guinevere.

I smile at the tiny giggle she makes when I sweep her off her feet to carry her into the tub; laughing blissfully as she swats at my arse the entire way.

-o-

People still talk when Gwen and I walk through the corridors, but thankfully they only gossip amongst themselves. I know it makes Guinevere feel even more self-conscious because she's pregnant. Even though we're happy about the arrival of our child, we're not stupid. We know that we'll be judged, Gwen even more than me. I'm not an advocate for teen pregnancy, but in this case the circumstances are infinitely more delicate.

I remove my hand from Gwen's grip when I notice her playing with her uniform jumper. She's convinced that everyone can see her small bulge, and no matter what I tell her she won't believe me when I say it's not yet noticeable.

"Gwen"

She doesn't even flinch, just continues to fuss over the placement of the jumper around her stomach.

"Gwen"

Now she's watching all the girls who pass by us whispering amongst themselves, obviously about us. I can see her face fall in sadness, and it's about all I can take.

"_Guinevere_"

Her eyes lock on mine, and I do my best to rub soothing circles on her shoulders. I hate seeing her like this every time we stroll into Camelot. I know walking in such close proximity to me in public makes her feel anxious, even though she constantly tells me that it doesn't. I don't really understand why popularity makes her so nervous when she's always had it because of her association with Morgan, but maybe it's just because of the baby.

"Relax, no one can tell yet. You need to trust me when I say it's still too early for them to see."

My hands move to her cheek, and I sigh in relief when she closes her eyes and moves further into my touch.

"Okay"

"Okay you'll stop acting like a mental? Or okay…"

"_Ouch_"

I barely feel the light smack she places on my arm, but smile when she gets on her tippy toes to kiss me. I know we're being watched by everyone in the corridor, but I honestly don't care what they think.

"Oie, stop acting like locusts, and GET TO CLASS. Bloody hell! Vultures the lot of em, act as if they've never seen two people snog before. They basically treat you two like school royalty."

Gwaine quickly goes to give Gwen a hug, being mindful not to crush her stomach in the process.

"Though, perhaps next time you two might try to find somewhere a little less public. I mean I always had a feeling that Arthur was a bit of an exhibitionist, but I'm a little shocked at you Gwen."

I can't help the blush that tints my cheeks at my cousin's words. He doesn't know just how right he is. Unfortunately Gwaine catches my guilty look, and smirks back at us.

"Oh you two are naughty. Do I see nudist beaches in your future?"

"Hell no!"

There's no way I'm going to encourage Guinevere to show anyone - other than me - her body; and by the possessive gleam in her eye I can tell we're both thinking along the same lines.

"How are you feeling Gwen? I know before you were telling me that your morning sickness was getting better."

"Yeah, it's much better now. When I wake up I still feel a little dizzy, but luckily the need to empty my stomach has gone."

"Alice did say that was a possibility…"

"Alice?"

Who's Alice, and why does she know about the baby?

"Oh Gwen's doctor. You'll meet her at the appointment in two weeks."

There's an appointment in two weeks? Now I know Gwaine and Gwen are only friends, but I can't help but be somewhat jealous of their relationship. Gwaine was the first person she told she was pregnant. He was the one who took her to her first doctor's appointment. The person she's now used to confiding in when she has a problem. I wasn't even around for the first trimester of her pregnancy, and therefore know nothing about her dreadful cases of morning sickness.

"Oh God I almost forgot about that, I'm so lucky you have such a good memory Gwaine."

Why the hell is she smiling at him like that simply because he remembered the appointment? If she'd told me I would have remem…wait, did she just kiss him? She did; she just KISSED _Gwaine,_ right in front of me! Okay, a kiss on the cheek, but a kiss no less.

"You've got to be fucking joking. It was a bloody kiss on my cheek Arthur. There's no funny business going on between myself and your lady love, I assure you."

I know the scowl on my face gave me away, but I still can't let go of the image of Guinevere's lips coming into contact with _Gwaine_.

Gwen gently rubs my arm, and the feel of her fingers touching me does help to calm me until I see the amusement in her gaze. What's so bloody funny?

"Trust me Arthur, there's nothing between us besides friendship. I'm not really Gwaine's type."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Why isn't she his type? She's a beautiful woman; they're all Gwaine's type.

I notice the look Gwaine gives Gwen, but when my eyes look back to him he's looking at me as if nothing happened. Maybe I imagined it?

"Well…you know I'm…"

I lean down when Guinevere beckons me closer.

"…_pregnant_. So really what would he want with me?"

It's a valid enough point, but they both look far too uncomfortable to ease my worries.

"Hey, don't you people need to get to class? The bells about to go off any second…"

_Ring!_

"now…Well then."

Elaine's presence distracts me from Gwaine and Gwen. She seems happier these days, and I know it has to do with DuLac. From the first moment I saw them together I didn't know whether to be happy or sad for her. Lance isn't a bad bloke, even though he's done some pretty stupid fucking things in the past. The only problem is I know he's still in love with Guinevere, and that means Elaine will probably be left brokenhearted.

I can't help but notice Gwen's hold on my arm tighten somewhat. I love it when she gets possessive; although she really doesn't have to be worried about Elaine. Her feelings have -thankfully - shifted from me.

Guinevere and Elaine aren't anywhere close to being best mates, but it's the healthiest female friendship I think she'll ever have. Morgan's always been a manipulative she-devil, and Elaine's much more than a step up from her. I hope in the future that the two of them will grow closer.

"Yeah you're right we should go. Come on Guinevere, I'll walk you to class."

I don't know if Gwen notices him in the corner, but I can see Lance all too clearly ogling my girlfriend. Even though my relationship with Gwen is progressing well, I still can't help but be jealous of Lance. He was once the man that she'd chosen over me. Yeah, so we'd been young and I hadn't come out and outwardly said I had feelings for her, but to be fair you don't kiss people you don't have some sort of feelings for at that age. So she must have known I fancied her back then too.

"Alright. Bye Gwaine, Elaine."

I pry my gaze away from Lance's lingering shadow, and listen to everyone's final farewells before going to their respective classes.

I drop Guinevere off with a simple peck on the lips, and then make my way to French - father's adamant that I learn as many different languages as I can.

-o-

I hurriedly throw my dirty clothes in my gym bag. Football practice went longer than scheduled, and Guinevere has been waiting for me to drive her home.

"Anyone need a lift to the pub? I've got room for two."

"I need one"

"Yeah me too"

"Your arse is going to need someone else to drive you home, because I'm not going that fucking far."

"Stop your fucking bitching, it's not that far"

I ignore their barks of laughter, and just barely registers that Kay is tapping me on my shoulder.

"Hey Arthur, you should come. I mean you haven't hung out with us in a while. You can always do something with your girlfriend some other time. It's your birthday tomorrow you should spend tonight with your mates."

I turn to Kay and shake my head no. There's something important I have to do tonight.

"Yeah man, you never come out with us anymore. What do we have to do? Grow tits to make you wanna hang again?"

The noise in the room grows much louder, and I try to just let the words roll off me. It isn't worth starting a fight because of Henry's crass words. I know it's all in good fun, even if it does still make me a little angry.

"Naw it's not like that, I've got plans tonight."

"You mean fucking the shit out of your girlfriend?"

The room grows silent, and my hand stills before I have the chance to pick up my bag and throw it over my shoulder. I've never liked Melvin. He's a bully in every sense of the word. From the very first day we met we didn't get along.

"Not cool man"

"Shut the fuck up Bernard, I wasn't talking to you. So Pendragon how is she in bed? I've always thought she looked like a screamer. Maybe when you're done with her you can loan her out to me. That is what you're doing right? I'm mean first Lance, then Gwaine, and now you. She must be an ace in bed if all of you are sharing her."

I know I shouldn't let Melvin get to me, but he's going after Guinevere's character, and I can't let that pass so easily. It's one thing to go after me, another to go after the woman I love.

It takes both Kay and Bernard to pry me off of him, and four other blokes to hold back Gwaine and Lance. I struggle against the strong grip they have on me, because I'm not done with him yet. Melvin's a big guy and can definitely hold his own, but at the moment that doesn't matter. How _dare_ he!

I'm breathing heavily, and I think he got me in the jaw. My adrenalines still pumping so I can't really feel anything besides a small tingle in the side of my face.

"Don't EVER talk about her like that again."

"Or what you'll have your father throw me out of school? We both know that you can't beat me in a brawl. The best you've got is your daddy's influence."

I've never wanted to hurt someone so much in my entire life - well except Mordred.

"Come on Melvin, just shut the fuck up and leave Arthur alone."

Melvin doesn't respond to Kay, just continues to look at me with that disgustingly condescending smirk of his.

"Let me go, I'll show him what I can do."

"Yeah, let him go. I want to see what Arthur Pendragon is truly made of when his daddy isn't around."

And I want to show him more than words can describe. When I'm done with him, Melvin will be lucky if he doesn't need plastic surgery.

I can feel myself being dragged from the change room, and I'm man enough to admit that I left literally kicking and screaming. The smug smile on Melvin's face is now burned into my memory. He's not going to get away with that shit.

"Arthur, what's wrong?"

I pry my gaze from the locker room door, and shrug out of Kay and Bernard's hold. They know as well as I do that I won't go back in there with Gwen this close by.

"Nothing love, everything's alright now that you're here."

I move to hug Gwen, knowing that just being around her tends to calm me. She falls easily into my arms, and I kiss the top of her wild curls as the rage very slowly ebbs from my body.

"Arthur your face…"

"Everything's fine Guinevere"

I take my bag from Kay's outstretched hand and thank him before threading my fingers gently through hers.

"Come on let's get out of here."

She doesn't argue as I lead her out of the doors to the school and towards my car. I sit silently in the car as I drive to Guinevere's house, and she makes no effort to start a conversation or turn on the radio. I can still see Melvin's smug smirk in my mind, and subconsciously I grip the steering wheel just a bit tighter.

-o-

I've been sitting outside in the car for almost an hour now. Gwen understood when I told her I had something I needed to do tonight.

I know I need to get out of the car, but what then? Merlin's my best mate and he lied to me for weeks. All those times he looked at me and told me he was getting better when really he was dy... Merlin can be a real pain in my arse sometimes, but the idea of him no longer around after everything we've been through is...wrong.

I run my hands frustratingly through my hair. Why is this even happening? How can someone like Merlin get cancer? He's too nice for his own good, spends too much time thinking about the needs of others, and takes care of himself. Well as much care as a vegetarian can take care of themselves.

I haven't spoken to anyone about how I'm feeling about this – not even Guinevere. It's just that every time I think about what's going on with Merlin, I feel…I feel useless. My best mate has cancer and I can't do anything to save him.

I've driven to this same spot many times before, but never have the nerve to go inside. I'd just sit outside for hours remembering stupid things about when we were kids.

My head drops onto the steering wheel, and for the first time I can't stop the tears from falling. Merlin can't die!

Fuck, why is it when everything starts to come together, this happens. I'm supposed to be stuck with Merlin until we're old and grey, suffering through his…his, _Merliness_.

I don't know how long I stay crying in my car, but once I'm finally able to pull my head away from the wheel I notice the sun has gone down.

I look at the house that has now become my greatest nightmare through bloodshot eyes. If I go in there then it all becomes real. By staying away I can still pretend that all of this isn't really happening, that Merlin's just gone on holiday for a while.

I turn the key in the ignition and start the engine before quickly shutting it back off.

"You can't just leave Arthur, not today."

I take a long breath to calm my racing heart, and then force myself to open the car door. No more being a bloody coward.

I bring one leg out of the car, and almost automatically the other follows. Before I know it I'm at Merlin's front door. I don't knock or ring the bell, just stand idly staring at the door. It shouldn't be this hard to do something after making it this far, but for some reason I'm frozen to the spot.

What will I even say to him when I see him? What will he say to me? Maybe this is all a mistake? Merlin's probably not even well enough to see me. The thought brings me to tears again, and I wipe at them furiously to erase any evidence of their existence. I hiss a little at the pain I feel when my hand touches the side of my jaw, but I ignore it. No more fucking crying for things you can't control. Merlin won't want tears.

When the door opens and Hunith wraps her arms tightly around me, I almost break again. She shouldn't be treating me so kindly after the way I've been neglecting Merlin. I don't deserve it.

"He'll be so happy to see you. He doesn't mention you, but I know he's missed you."

I don't say anything back, but she seems to understand that it's not out of disrespect but lack of anything to say.

"Follow me, he's in his room."

She doesn't have to take me there – I've been here enough times to know where it is without needing an escort, but I'm thankful for her presence. Without her I'm not sure I'd have even walked up the stairs.

Once we reach the room door she turns to me and gives me a tender squeeze on my shoulder. I look at her, and I know she sees the fear in my eyes. What am I going to find on the other side of that door?

"I know your scared Arthur, and it's okay to be afraid. All Merlin wants from you is your friendship. I think he needs you to forgive him. He's been afraid that he'll die with you hating him."

"I could never hate him."

It's true, no matter how angry Merlin's made me in the past I've never hated him. How could he think that I'd hate him?

"Just spend time with him Arthur. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. He'll just be happy you're there."

With that she walks away from me, and I watch her leave in gratitude. She could have opened the door and gave me no other option but to have to see Merlin, but she didn't. Instead she's giving me the chance to decide for myself.

I put my hand on the doorknob, and take a small breath before turning it. There's no going back now.

When the door's finally open I don't notice him immediately.

There's a small sense of nostalgia circling my gut as I stare at the room I used to call my second home. Compared to my own bedroom Merlin's really isn't anything special, it's the memories of shared ghost stories, long talks about girls, and writing obscenities on Merlin's forehead the first time we got pissed that makes this place unique. Father never liked Merlin coming to the Manor for long periods of time, so sleepovers we're usually done at Merlin's.

"You look even more like shit than I do."

At the sound of the gravelly voice my entire body shutters. That can't be Merlin. Merlin sounds like a carefree go lucky young bloke with no worries, not an old man who's been smoking fags his entire life.

At the sight of him I try to fight my initial reaction to recoil. He's lying on his bed with an oxygen mask resting absently by his side. I notice he's wearing a hat on his head, but I don't see any signs of hair underneath. He looks frail – even for him, and it scares me enough to turn away from him.

"Why?"

"They don't usually have a reason why people are diagnosed with Leukemia. It kind of just happens."

I hadn't even realized I'd spoken the words aloud until he responded to me. I don't know if that's the why I wanted an answer to, but I find myself angry at his attempt at wit.

"Shut up, it's not fucking funny."

"No it's not, but cancer usually isn't."

He attempts a smile, and I force myself to finally step into his room. I know I should be more sympathetic to him because he's only doing what I do – masking pain with humour.

"I'm glad you came. Didn't think you ever would, but I guess even traditions come before hatred."

"I don't hate you Merlin."

"Really, you've avoided me every since you found out. Just to ease your mind cancer's not contagious."

I ball my fists not because I'm planning on hitting him, but as a way to help alleviate some of my anger.

"And why the fuck did I need to find out from other bloody people. Why didn't you tell me as soon as you found out? We've been mates since primary, and you still can't trust ME."

I pace his room because I'm so angry I don't know what else to do with myself. After everything we've been through together I have to hear about his cancer from some ninth year trying to start a conversation with me. Initially I hadn't believed her – didn't want to, but then Gwaine confirmed that Merlin had indeed been diagnosed with leukemia.

"I did…I do trust you Arthur. I didn't want anything to change between us. I knew once I told you, things would be different. You'd…"

He reaches for the oxygen mask, and places it hurriedly on his face. Watching him the anger quickly leaves me. My best mate's dying, and all I can do is bitch and complain about shit that doesn't really matter.

"I didn't come here to argue with you Merlin."

At the look of incredulity on his face, I can't help but smile.

"Alright maybe I did expect to argue a little, but that's not what we should be doing. I'm angry that you didn't tell me Merlin, but if I'm honest with myself I'm also glad you didn't."

He looks at me in confusion, and I turn my head away from him in shame.

"I suspected something wasn't right. You were only getting worse, but you kept saying you were better. I knew you were lying, but I also knew that you were lying to me for a reason. I wasn't strong enough to be there for you the way I should have - I don't even know if I'm strong enough now, but I want to be. Since the first day we met you've been there for me, it's about time I return the favour."

Merlin looks away. I can hear his quiet sobs, but I only continue speaking. He needs this, and I won't take his last bits of dignity.

"I remember the first day I met you Merlin. I thought you were strange looking, and a bit of a buffoon. You made mates easily enough, and I was jealous of you because of it. No one really liked me. They said I was spoilt and arrogant."

"You were, still are actually. I think it's in your DNA."

He tries to laugh at his poor attempt at a joke, but only ends up coughing and needing his oxygen mask again.

"Father was running for Mayor for the first time, and thought he'd get more votes from the middle to lower class if he put me in a public school as opposed to a private one."

Sadly, I think him doing that is the reason he actually was elected all those years ago, and it's helped him ensure the position ever since; a man of all people.

"I was eating my lunch when a few older kids came over and started taking my food. Back then I was pretty scrawny, and as such easier to bully. When I wouldn't give them my brownie they started pushing me, and all of a sudden you were there. Turns out one of thems your brother, and instead of leaving me alone they beat us both up."

I chuckle as I remember the look on Merlin's face when Mordred started hitting him for interfering with his fun.

"From that day on you wouldn't leave me alone. Hell you followed me around everywhere I went."

Merlin rolls his eyes and gives me a soft smile.

"As I remember it you started following me, and your excuse for doing so had been _if those big guys start hitting me again, it's better to have a second person to take some of the blows._ Even then you were a cheeky bastard."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

I can't stop the smile from forming on my lips as I shake my head, and then nervously sit on the edge of his bed.

"I'm glad you came."

I look up into his eyes, and feel guilty that he ever questioned whether or not I'd come today. I feel even guiltier that I almost didn't.

"We've spent the past twelve years watching films on the day before my birthday. I didn't see why that had to change this year. So, I'm going to help you get down the stairs, and we're watching some Indiana Jones."

"That's the first movie we watched! Well, we only really got about ten minutes in before Mum saw it and turned it off because she said it was too violent."

"I remember. Come on let's get out of this smelly arse room."

Merlin doesn't fight me as I gently help him out of the bed. We take a while to get down the stairs because I have to carry all of his oxygen equipment along with him. I'm afraid Mordred might appear, but because I haven't seen or heard from him at all tonight I don't think he's home. I don't bother asking Merlin because I don't want to think about Mordred today.

We spend the night watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, and eating popcorn and crisps. Well I eat popcorn and crisps. Sometimes Merlin will need the oxygen mask after he starts laughing too hard, but all in all it's pretty much like old times. I know this can possibly be the last year of this tradition, but for now I just want to enjoy the time we have. I'm done running.

"Oh Merlin, Gwen and I are together again - indefinitely this time."

"About time you two got it together. I was worried I'd have to blackmail you into talking to her."

I shudder at the amount of information that he could have used against me.

"She's pregnant, and I'm the father."

I finally have the courage to pull my eyes away from the film. I'm afraid of his reaction. I won't admit it out loud, but I value Merlin's opinion of me more than most.

"Uncle Merlin has a pretty nice ring to it don't you think?"

I pull my eyes back to the telly and swallow my desire to cry. I won't do that to him, not now.

"The best"

-o-

I use the spare key Gwen gave me to get into her house, and do my best to quietly sneak up the stairs to her bedroom. I think about putting some ice on my jaw, but right now I just want to curl up beside Guinevere and fall asleep.

When I open the door to her room I'm temporarily stunned. There are rose petals on and around the bed, a banner which reads _HAPPY BIRTHDAY_ in big bold colourful letters, a few candles, and a small cupcake on the dresser with one lone candle. I can't help but smile at the sight of it all, but it's Guinevere's sleeping figure that brings tears to my eyes. I wipe them as quickly as they come so there's no trace of them. I've cried enough for the night. The lads would never stop taking the piss if they knew.

I pull my clothes off until I'm left in only my boxers, and then slowly make my way to the bed. Once I'm under the covers spooning Gwen with my arms around her torso, I start to feel her stir.

"_Arthur?_"

"Yeah love it's me, go back to bed."

I can hear the sleep in her words, and I'm sorry that I woke her from her peaceful slumber. She was smiling so contentedly in her sleep – I hope it was about me.

She turns in my arms, and smiles sleepily up at me. I can't help but push a few wayward curls from her face. She's just too adorable for words.

"No, no I'm awake. I wanted to be awake when you got home, but I guess I fell asleep. Happy Birthday Arthur."

I feel giddy at the thought that she called her house our home, because being here with her everyday really does feel like home to me.

She brings her lips up to meet mine and gives me a brief kiss – it's much too short for my liking, so I kiss her again. This one is much longer than the first, and I enjoy it far more. My jaw did feel at little painful when we kissed, but I refuse to stop touching Guinevere because of a little pain.

"Thank you, for everything you did tonight. You didn't have to, and I'm glad you didn't stay up waiting for me all night. It's already gone two."

She pouts at me, and all I want to do is kiss her again. If she's not careful I'll be keeping her up far later than I want to.

When she looks away from me and begins absently stroking my bare chest, I know something's on her mind.

"How did everything go with Merlin?"

I still only for a second, but she catches it. I've forgiven Merlin for everything, but thinking about what he's going through still hurts. I want this moment to just be about me and Guinevere.

"I'm sorry"

"No it's fine. Merlin and I are fine. I'd just rather not talk about him right now. I simply want to enjoy my time with you."

"Alright, I guess I can do that for you, but only if you do something for me."

"Anything"

The words come out before I have the chance to think them through, and the devilish smile on her face is beginning to worry me.

Before I can retract my words Gwen has already left my arms, and made her way to the dresser with the cupcake. My breathe catches at the sight of her. Did she put that on for me? Damn do I love the colour red.

"Blow out the candle."

She pulls a lighter from one of her drawers, lights the candle, and then looks at me expectantly.

While she's singing Happy Birthday more in key than I'll ever be able to, I take the time to observe her face. The smile on her lips is radiant, and her chocolate eyes are bright with mirth. I know to anyone else I'd seem mental for thinking it so young, but while I'm watching her I know without a doubt that this is the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

"Stop looking at me, and make a bloody wish already."

"Language Guinevere"

I smile teasingly at her before blowing out the candle, and she pretends to scowl at me before her lips eventually spread out into a wide grin.

"Are you going to tell me what you wished for?"

She puts the cupcake back on the dresser, and wraps her arms around my neck.

"Nope, your wish doesn't come true if you say it out loud."

I can't afford for my wish not to come true. Our child needs to meet their Uncle Merlin.

"Is that right?"

She's now standing seductively between my legs, and my hands have traveled from her lower back to her arse. Ah, and what a fit arse it is.

"Yup"

Underwear has never looked or felt this fucking good, and damn she smells like strawberries – I love strawberries. I'm reaching the edge of my control, and she knows it.

"Can you at least tell me if it was a good wish?"

_The best_

Her lips are now trailing down from my earlobe to my collarbone, and I can't even bring myself to respond with the words that are on the tip of my tongue. She's standing over me in nothing but her knickers, why am I even trying to make conversation right now?

It seems Guinevere's thinking along the same lines as me because she's just pushed me onto the bed, and is now proceeding to unbuckle my belt while straddling me. The only thoughts going through my mind before Gwen lowers herself onto my now very erect dick are fuck she's beautiful, and this is the best birthday I've ever had.

Well, it will be until later tonight.

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><p><em>Thank you for reading, and if possible please take a moment to let me know what you thought! Next part will be the second half of Arthur's chapter:)<em>


	8. Arthur II

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (6b/8)  
><strong>Author: <strong> **ceecee_05**  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains some swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Arthur/Gwen, Arthur/Michelle, Arthur/OC, Uther, Morgan  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors  
><strong>Summary:<strong> It's Arthur's birthday dinner, and the night quickly turns to shit.  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _ So FINALLY the second part of Arthur's chapter. Michelle is supposed to be Mithian, and Melvin is loosely based off of Melwas from the legends. I'm not really happy with this chapter at all, so I'll probably go back and edit it some more later, but I felt like I had to put something out since I've had you guys waiting for a bit now. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_.

**I seriously don't do this as often as I should, but I really want to thank everyone who takes the time to read the story, and a special thanks to all those that review to tell me there thoughts and opinions. It sounds cliche, but I really do appreciate all of you guys because you help motivate me to continue writing every new update (whether good or bad). So thanks, to well... you:D**

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><p><strong>Arthur II<strong>

Pure and utter agony is the only way to properly describe the night I've been having so far because father is certainly making good on his threat. He's only invited simpleminded girls of my age group and financial standing to this party. I say this party because I barely know or like most of the people in attendance, and this feels more like one of father's functions than something meant for me. I know I'm being auctioned off to the highest bidder, and no one but me seems to really give a damn.

After first being forced into meaningless conversations with several nameless girls I don't care to remember, I'm reluctantly reintroduced to Michelle Fair. Michelle is still as beautiful, kind, and as much of a laugh as I remember, but she's not Guinevere, and she never will be.

Eventually the butlers enter to escort everyone to their respective seats at the dining table, and of course Michelle is seated beside me. I try not to dwell on the fact that I don't mind half as much as I probably should; at least I know the company will be slightly better than Vivian, Abigail, Rosaline, or any of the other countless girls from earlier this evening.

Surprisingly dinner is actually going fairly well. Michelle and I have been arguing over football (how she can genuinely back Manchester over Arsenal is beyond me), discussing our classes at our respective schools, and just telling pointless observational jokes about some of the guests to pass the time.

Throughout all of dinner I've been successfully avoiding father's watchful eye, but Morgan and Melvin's sociable banter is far harder to ignore. Ever since the fallout between Morgan and Gwen I've only caught glimpses of Morgan. If she's not barricaded in her room she's out doing God knows what, with God knows who. I am somewhat saddened by our lack of communication, but I will not condone the way she's treated Guinevere.

"Arthur, Arthur have you heard one word I've said?"

"Hm"

I force my eyes away from Morgan and Melvin back towards Michelle. Her eyes hold amusement, so at least I know she's not angry with me.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

She laughs lightly to herself, and I can't help the slight tinge of red that appears on my cheeks in embarrassment. I'm making myself look like such a nob.

"I asked if you wanted to go for a walk in the gardens. I remember it being quite beautiful the last time I was here."

I hesitate for a moment wondering if the idea seems too much like a tryst between lovers, but quickly dismiss the thought when I remember that Michelle only thinks of us as mates. I mean all throughout dinner she's never made any indication that she wants to be anything else, so I shouldn't assume that a late walk through the gardens means anything but just a walk between old friends, right?

"Alright. I rarely go out there myself, but why the hell not."

Perhaps spending some time out in the gardens will be fun. It would certainly be nice to leave the confinement of this room, and all the girls leering at me.

We politely excuse ourselves from the table and at the sight of father's beaming smile I can't help but feel uneasy. It's only a walk with a mate. I'm not about to propose marriage to the girl.

For the most part our walk through the gardens is fairly quiet. Michelle seems quite enthralled with touching and smelling the flowers, while all I can think about is my mother. My old nanny used to tell me that my mother would come out here and tend to these very gardens when she was pregnant with me. Perhaps I should bring Gwen and our unborn child to visit?

"Arthur, where do you keep nodding off to?"

I quickly glance behind my back to see that Michelle has stopped walking, and once again I've been oblivious to her attempts at conversation. She must really think I'm a nutter now.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just a little distracted thinking about my mum."

Her smile falters, and she grasps my hand in an attempt at comfort. I'm a little uncomfortable with the gesture, but ignore the instinct to recoil at her touch. Michelle's only trying to help.

"My mother still refuses to come to the Pendragon Manor because it makes her remember your mother so profusely. She still hasn't completely recovered from her death."

"Really?"

"Yes, but to be fair they were very close. I don't think I still have any mates that I used to know since I've been in nappies. She says that your mother was the most beautiful person she's ever met, inside and out. Mum will always tell stories about their younger days. Unsurprisingly, she's always the mischievous one in them."

I laugh along with Michelle, and allow her to lead me to the two-seater swing set by the white marble fountain. As I sit I can't help hoping that Michelle will be willing to tell me more about my mother. Father doesn't really enjoy discussing her, so I don't know much about her life.

"What kind of stories did your mother tell you?"

"Well, supposedly my mum once convinced your mother to bunk off school so they could go to a concert in Albion."

"Go to Albion? I thought that mum grew up here."

"Oh no our mums were born and raised in Nemeth. You didn't know that?"

"No, father never said."

Obviously I don't know much of anything about my mother. Why didn't father ever tell me mum wasn't born in Albion?

"Well, maybe that's enough talk about that for the night then…"

"NO!"

I have to recollect myself when Michelle jumps a little in her seat at my outburst. I didn't mean to startle her. I just don't want to stop talking about my mum, not yet.

"I mean, please continue with the story. I'd like to know what happened."

Gradually she begins to relax, and gives me a small smile before she nods. I can't help but return a grin of my own. This is what I've dreamed about for years; someone who can finally give me some sort of information about who my mother was before she died.

"Well, while they were eating a curry at a small restaurant, who should approach them but one Uther Pendragon along with a couple of his mates."

"Really, my father? I can't imagine him in a small curry restaurant, even as a teenager."

I laugh at how ridiculous all of this sounds. Father is not the sort of person to enter into any place he deems common.

"Yes your father. Well back then he wasn't as wealthy and powerful as he is now. I think mum said he was working as a cashier at some sort of clothing store."

I try to maintain the allusion that I'm not angry at what Michelle has just told me. I don't want her to feel like she's done anything wrong because she hasn't; if anyone is truly in the wrong it would be my father. How can he tell me to stay away from Guinevere when he was once in the same position as her?

"I'm sorry Michelle, but I have to go."

"Wait, what, but I haven't finished the story."

I quickly rise from the swing, and practically sprint towards the backdoor. Obviously father thought he could hide his hypocrisy, but he's not getting away with this; I won't let him.

"Arthur hold on, please just stop for a moment."

I have to fight all of my instincts from continuing on my way to the house so that I can confront my father. He tries to make me feel like I'm bringing shame to our family by loving someone below my class when mother did the same thing for him.

"Arthur, what's happened? Did I do something wrong?"

I slowly close my eyes, and count to ten in my head in a poor attempt to quell my growing ire. I won't take it out on Michelle when she was only trying to be kind. I already feel rather guilty about the way I've treated her, and I know I need to apologize for my actions.

"You haven't done anything wrong Michelle. I just need to speak with my father as soon as possible. However, I shouldn't have just left you back there, and I'm sorry for that. Please allow me to walk you back to the manor."

I offer Michelle my arm, and she hesitantly wraps hers around my own, but remains immobile. Perhaps the wind is becoming too much for her? Recently the weather has been somewhat warmer than usual, but I don't know why I still didn't insist she wear a coat if she was going to be walking outside in April.

"Are you cold?"

I attempt to warm her naked arms with my own, but it doesn't seem to help. She just stares at me with uncertainty, and I can't help but wonder if my apology wasn't good enough.

"Michelle, I'm really sorry for just legging it back…"

I freeze when her face begins to inch towards me, her lips puckered, and eyes shut tight. I watch her in utter shock before I realize how close I've allowed her to get to me. Is she really trying to snog me right now?

I reach for her shoulders, and gently nudge her away from me. That was much too close. I can still feel the tingles of her breath on my face. Michelle's a pretty girl, but I could never hurt Gwen like that.

"Michelle, I'm sorry but…"

"No Arthur, I'm so sorry. Blimey, what was I thinking? I'm such a fool. I can't believe I actually tried to snog you just now. I'm not a slag or anything. I just thought that you know we have so many similar interests, and your father said…"

"What did my father say?"

"He said you wanted to reconnect with me, but obviously you never did. Oh I'm such an idiot."

I barely hear Michelle during her rant, all I can think of is how angry I am. I can't believe father would involve Michelle in his quest to destroy my relationship with Guinevere. Does he have no shame?

"Michelle I'm sorry my father deceived you, but I'm very much in love with someone else. He doesn't want me involved with her, so he's doing everything he can to split us up."

She nods softly, but keeps her eyes locked on the ground. I know it's not my fault, yet I can't help feeling responsible for unintentionally letting Michelle think there could ever be anything between us. A walk in the gardens was definitely meant to be romantic, and like an idiot I'd assumed she'd only wanted to be mates.

"I know I've already said it, but I truly am sorry Michelle. You're a great person, just not for me, at least not in that way. Though, if it's alright with you maybe we can be mates?"

She doesn't respond at first, and I begin to feel a chill go down my spine. Then she slowly lifts her head, and smiles before embracing me in a friendly hug.

"Of course we can be mates Arthur. Just admit Manchester is way better than Arsenal, and we can pretend none of this ever happened."

I scoff, and she smirks; then we both begin to laugh like mentals, and I know that Michelle and I will be alright.

"But best never to tell Guinevere about this. Don't really think she'd appreciate you trying to snog me."

"Don't worry Arthur, if she ever finds out I'll just tell her the truth."

I nod because I know that if Gwen knew the whole story she'd understand Michelle's actions.

"I'll tell her that I briefly lost leave of all of my senses, and gave into a moment of insanity."

I continue to nod until I finally process what Michelle has just said.

"Oie"

She begins to laugh, and I smile in return as I once again offer her my arm. This time we make it back into the Manor arm in arm, speaking companionably the entire way.

Once Michelle and I enter my home I excuse myself, and she waves me away with a smile. I think she knows I need to speak with my father. Not only does he belittle Guinevere every chance he gets, but he also tried to use Michelle to ruin my relationship.

I find father sitting on a chair in his office swirling an almost empty glass of scotch in his hand, and staring out of his window into the gardens. I slam the door upon my entry, and he immediately turns to me with a glazed look in his eyes. Of course he's drunk; he always gets pissed on my birthday.

"Father we need to talk"

"Not now Arthur"

I'm somewhat thrown by father's calm response to my insolence, but not deterred. Even when he chugs the last remnants of his drink I don't allow myself to feel an ounce of pity for the seemingly broken man before me.

"Yes, right now!"

His eyes harden, and his gaze quickly morphs into a glare. The man before me now is the one I know as my father. This is the man that hurt Guinevere, used Michelle, and who I've allowed to manipulate me for so many years.

"Well what are you waiting for boy? You walk in here acting the part of a man, so be one. Speak!"

I take a moment to compose myself before starting a row I know has no hope of ending well. I need to remember not to let father intimidate me anymore. I am not a coward, and even with father's ire seeping like waves from his skin I will not back down.

"I want you to acknowledge that I'm in a relationship with Guinevere, and though I realize you will never approve, you must accept it. No more attempts to throw debutantes in my face as if I will flock to them like some simpleminded fool."

"You listen, and you listen well Arthur."

I stand my ground when he stumbles towards me, and the smell of expensive scotch clouds my nostrils.

"I will never condone any sort of relationship between my heir, and his common whore."

"Guinevere is not a WHORE, and you will remember to refrain from referring to her as one ever again."

I'm utterly disgusted by my father, and it saddens me to think that a man who's supposed to love me more than all others could care less about my feelings.

"Or what Arthur? What will you do if I call your whore exactly what she is?"

I've never raised my hand to my father - even on the many occasions I knew he deserved to be struck in the past – but now as my fist connects with his cheek all I feel is satisfied. I watch in pleasure as he staggers to the ground, and the adrenalin continues to course through my veins. I'm glad that father's in pain, it's good to know that even if not through compassion or love I'm able to make him feel something.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL HER A FUCKING WHORE!"

I watch my father attempt to lift his drunken body from the floor with my fists still clenched, and a sneer on my face. I know he's probably winded. I put a lot of the anger and frustration I've been carrying into that punch. The years of doing what father wanted instead of what I did. The months being angry with Morgan for hurting Gwen when all she ever did was be her friend. The weeks spent worrying my best mate is going to die soon. And finally having the memory of Melvin saying the same horribly degrading things about the woman I love that my father is saying now.

"It's good to see that you're braver than I gave you credit for. I never thought I'd see the day when you had the nerve to strike me."

I try unsuccessfully not to tremble at the look of tempered rage gracing his face. I can't really rationalize why I feel a sudden bout of fear as my father finally rises from the floor and begins walking towards me, but irrational or not I do.

"Father I'm sorry, I should not have hit you."

"No Arthur, never apologize for your actions, justify them. I was always worried you'd be too gentle - you have so much of your mother in you, but just now I saw the man I've always wanted you to become. I saw a fire in your eyes that reminded me so much of myself."

"I'm not you, and I never will be."

A shiver runs down my spine at just the idea of being like my father. I have always looked for father's validation, but now as I watch his face beam with pride I can't help but feel sick.

"No of course not - not yet, but one day you could be. When you become the Mayor of Albion I know you'll make me proud."

"I will never give up Guinevere."

Father simply moves closer to me, and tightly grasps my shoulder in response. The eyes that were just bright with delight now have the fire father must have seen in mine before I punched him in his face.

"You do not have a choice in the matter Arthur. Either you stay away from that girl, or I marry you to whomever I choose."

"You can't keep me away from her father. I love her more than I can express, and I won't give her up."

His grip strengthens, and I force myself to swallow the wince back down my throat.

"I can make her life very difficult Arthur. If you go anywhere near that commoner I promise you I will get her put into care. I know she's an orphan, and is supposed to be living with her brother, but he's off gallivanting in America pretending to attend school."

"You had someone make a fucking file on her?"

I struggle to remove myself from my father's grip, but the action only makes him squeeze tighter.

"Watch your mouth when speaking to me. Of course I looked into her. I'm trying to help you Arthur. You still can't seem to realize that she's not good enough for you."

"You were once a cashier at a damn clothing store! You have no right to judge her when you were once in the same position as her."

Throughout my father's parenting he's rarely resorted to physical violence. Usually he'll blackmail, barter, or frighten to get his point across, but obviously now is one of those rare occasions when a smack in the face is the only way for him to properly assert himself. It isn't painful, just a little startling.

"Don't ever compare me to that peasant again. You know nothing of my past, so don't pretend to assume you know me boy."

I shutter a little at the crazed look in father's eyes, I've never seen him so out of control.

"Now I have given you your last warning Arthur. If I find out you have gone to see this girl even once from the moment you leave this office, I will have you walking down the aisle so quickly you won't even have time to learn your new wife's favourite colour until your honeymoon. Oh and perhaps I'll also have your _whore _get into a minor accident, the world is such a dangerous place who knows what can happen. Am I making myself clear Arthur?"

I'm seething, but there's nothing I can do. I can't risk Gwen and the baby. I'll have to wait until I know they're both safe before I try anything drastic. I briefly thought of telling father about the baby, but I know his first instinct will be to get rid of my child so as not to tarnish the Pendragon name, and I can't allow that to happen.

"Yes father"

"Good, one day you will realize I did this for your benefit Arthur, but for now, get out!"

He releases my arm, and pushes me towards the door. Even through all of this I still can't help but love my father, yet the respect I once had for him is gone. The things he's done, and the threats he's made are irredeemable in my eyes.

"Isn't it strange how you can have two children, but only see yourself in one of them? Genetics are fascinating."

What is he going on about? Has he actually lost his mind?

"I don't understand father"

"No you wouldn't would you. Tell Morgan I'd like to speak with her."

"Yes father"

I practically leg it out of the room just to be greeted with Morgan herself. I briefly scan the corridor and breathe a small sigh of relief that Melvin isn't with her. One altercation is enough for the day, especially the one I've just gone through.

"My excuse for a father wishes to speak with you."

"I know, I heard through the door. You two weren't really being all that quiet."

I'm not surprised to hear that Morgan's been eavesdropping (it wouldn't be the first time), but I am a little surprised by the perturbed look on her face. Although, I don't comment as she hesitantly makes her way into father's study. I have more important things to worry about than Morgan's strange behavior.

I quickly make my way to my bedroom, ignoring the noise from the party that's still going on downstairs. I need to talk to Gwen. I need her to tell me that we can get through this because love is enough. I need to know that she won't leave me again at the first sign of trouble, and that whatever happens we'll be there for each other. Essentially I just need her.

I force down the tears that keep trying to fall from my eyes as I ring Gwen. I don't want to worry her more than I need to.

"Hey love"

"_Arthur, took you long enough to ring me. How's your birthday party so far? I hope everyone has been treating you well! Are you still coming round after because I could really use some cookie dough ice cream from the market before it closes? I must admit I rather like pregnancy cravings. I get to eat all the ice cream I want, and no one can judge me."_

I can already picture the smile on her face as I listen to her soft giggles. I don't want to be the one to take that joy away from her, but I know I have to.

"Guinevere…I…my father…Ugh I don't even know where to start."

"_It's alright Arthur, just start from the beginning. Whatever happened we'll get through it together, as a family."_

I can't help the small smile that appears on my lips. God do I love this woman.

"You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that."

I jump onto my excessively large bed and stretch out my tired body in an attempt to make myself as comfortable as possible for the long conversation ahead.

"Well of course tonight started terribly. You can't even imagine the amount of girly shrieks I've had to endure."

At the sound of Guinevere's laughter I relax a little more into the cushions. I know we'll make it through whatever father throws at us. We just have to make sure not to get caught for one year. Really, how hard can that be?

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><p><em>So that is the end of Arthur's chapter, and there are only two more chapters left until the end of the story!<em>

_I know I made Uther seem like kind of an ass, but honestly I don't think it was too much of a stretch from his normal character. He loves Arthur, but sometimes depicts this love in strange and outlandish ways that only ever push Arthur further away from him.  
><em>

_Please review to let me know what you liked or didn't like, but if not thanks for taking the time to read the story, and I hope you enjoyed it:)_

_Next chapter is Morgan, and be forewarned there's a little bit of drama in it lol_


	9. Morgan

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (7/8)  
><strong>Author: <strong> **ceecee_05**  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains swearing, and disturbing content)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Morgan, Arthur, Mordred, Uther (mentions of Gwen, Merlin, Gwaine, Elaine, Lance, Hunith, and sadly Balinor in a negative light)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Morgan knows who she is, but sometimes guilt can change people.  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _ So we have finally made it to the second last chapter of the story. I know a lot of people have been curious about Morgan's character, and I hope this will explain her actions in earlier chapters a little better. This is another extremely long chapter because there's so much happening, and sadly it might come off as a tad rushed. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors_.

**Thank you to all of you reading, and reviewing the story:) I would ask that after you finish reading the chapter you take at least a glance at the closing message because I left a note that pertains to the future of this story!**

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><p><strong>Morgan<strong>

So here I am for another pointless day at Camelot. I don't much care for College, but Uther's adamant I get a good education. Although unlike Arthur I choose my own courses. Many people would find it strange, but I'm actually interested in becoming a pediatrician. Do I go around telling people things like that? Of course not! I have a reputation to maintain.

"Hey Morgan!"

I briefly stop to stare at the girl before continuing on my way to the common room. Her name escapes me, but I think she's in my biology class. She looked a little upset that I barely acknowledged her, but what was she expecting me to do? I don't know her, and I'm not about to pretend that we're mates when we aren't.

I casually make my way into the common room, and sit down at a table with a few girls I tolerate here and there. To me they're nothing more than brainless twats that I use to further my own desires. I know it's thinking things like that which make people judge me harshly, but really it's just me being honest. I'm not mates with these girls. We're all simply together out of convenience.

"Morgan, oh my gosh!"

"Did you hear the rumour going around?"

"Supposedly Gwen went and got herself knocked up with some bastard kid!"

No I hadn't heard anything about that, and the fact that I hadn't started this rumour about my ex-best mate is making me consider the possibility that there is some truth to it.

"You don't think it's Arthur's do you?"

"God I hope not!"

"He could do some much better. I mean yeah he's younger, but I'd shag him."

I laugh at the utter stupidity of these girls, and make no attempt to hide it behind a fake cough. Arthur would never lower himself enough to go after one of these three idiots even if you paid him. Gwen's the best choice Arthur will ever make, and he knows it.

"Or maybe it's Lance's, or even _Gwaine's_?"

"Yeah, I think it's probably Lance's kid. She dated him for years."

"Yeah, but after they split up she was always with Gwaine, and he's fit as hell!"

I know for a fact that if Gwen's pregnant it's going to be with Arthur's child. She and Lance never had sex, and contrary to what everyone believes about Gwaine he isn't the type to hurt people he cares about. Ever since I first met him at a family Christmas dinner about seven years ago he's been this protective figure in Arthur's life. So I'm quite positive that the only person left would be Arthur. I know Gwen. She wouldn't sleep with anyone she doesn't care about, and besides Lance Arthur's the only one she's ever had strong feelings for; even if she never admitted them to me out loud.

"Don't you three have anything else to talk about?"

I'm getting pretty tired of their pointless dribble, and I don't like them trying to unintentionally probe into Arthur's personal life. He may be a major pain in my arse at times, but he's practically my brother.

I smirk when they each shut their mouths in shock. I still don't understand why I expect more from people I refer to as my minions.

"Yeah of course Morgan! We've got loads more to talk about."

"Like everyone's calling Gwen a major bitch because of what you told us to say about her."

"At first a lot of people didn't believe it, but we've finally got the majority of Camelot thinking she's an evil slag."

I don't feel as happy as I thought I would at the news. I've been spending months trying to slander Gwen's good name, and now that I have I feel kind of guilty about it. Gwen was the only girl who ever tried to actually be a friend to me, and for a while I did think of her as my mate, but I guess things change.

I've done a lot of fucked up things to Gwen in my life, and most of it she hadn't deserved. I don't pretend to be this incredibly nice person, and because of that people don't usually like me, but they do fear me. Gwen's the complete opposite, so I should have realized much earlier on that we would never stay friends for long.

I hesitantly look up and observe Gwen. She's seated across from Gwaine in an area not too far from where Arthur, Merlin, and that new blond girl are sitting. As usual Lance is nowhere to be found; probably mopping alone somewhere. I didn't force myself on him, and if he really wanted to he could have overpowered me, but he didn't. I harbor no guilt because it was a choice he made, and it is a choice he will have to live with for the rest of his life.

I quickly note that Gwen does look different. She's certainly put on a bit of weight, but nothing too noticeable, and she's quite literally glowing. Damn! I think Gwen's actually pregnant, and Arthur better be careful because his father will not react sensibly when he finds out.

Gwen's eyes meet mine, and I have to fight every instinct in my body that wants to look away. I won't feel guilty or sad for the way things ended between us. I loved her like a sister for years, but she took the one thing I've always wanted, and I can't forgive that. All my life people have been walking in and out like a revolving door, yet none of them really understand me. He's the only one that gets me, and he only wants her.

I sneer at Gwen, and she immediately turns away with her head held high. I'm a little proud of her for displaying such indifference, but obviously she'll never know that.

My eyes stray to the reason why I can't fight my bitter feelings of resentment towards Gwen. The one person who always seems more important than everyone else in my life, but doesn't care.

As usual his eyes are on Gwen, and I take the moment to gaze upon him. His black hair is a little damp and messy as if he hadn't bothered combing it after he got out of the shower, but it makes him look good. His eyes are so strikingly blue against his long dark lashes and pale skin that I take a sharp breath to calm my racing heart. I love the adoring smile in his eyes, and I just wish he would look at me with them the way he looks at Gwen. His mouth holds no emotion whatsoever, but it rarely does. As children we had kissed each other often, but as we grew older, and his fondness for Gwen got stronger, he quickly stopped showering me with affection. At first I'd thought it had been something I'd done, but then he'd told me about his feelings for Gwen. From that moment on I was conflicted in regards to my friendship with Gwen. She was my best mate, but because of her I was losing my soul mate. I didn't just all of sudden want her to suffer, but gradually my bitterness grew, and with it so did my jealousy.

"Morgan!"

"Morgan, are you listening?"

"Morgan, did you hear what we said?"

"MY GOD! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

I watch with open glee as my 'mates' quickly shut their annoying mouths. The room goes eerily silent after my words, and I can practically feel the eyes of every person on me. Luckily for me I know how to entertain a crowd.

"Do the three of you always have to talk at the same time, and finish each others sentences? I mean sometimes listening to all of you is like nails being scraped on a fucking chalkboard, and don't get me started on the nonsense that passes through your lips. Watching you three come up with something intelligent to say is like watching paint dry. You're basically bored out of your skull, and never expect anything all that amazing afterward."

I sigh dramatically just to make myself appear more frustrated than I really am, and have to stop myself from actually bowing at my wonderful performance. I smile to my audience, but it wanes a little at the sight of Arthur and his posse. Gwen's basically ignoring me, and because of Merlin's sickly state I can clearly see a faint blush tint his cheeks as if he's embarrassed of me. Gwaine and the blond girl watch me with open disgust, and Arthur looks at me with pity. I don't know why Arthur pities me, but he shouldn't. I'm the most revered person in this entire school, yet the pitiful look in his eyes still succeeds in making me feel foolish.

"I don't want to have to hear from either of you for a while. Is that clear?"

I don't feel sorry for the things I said to them, and Arthur can't make me feel guilty when I have nothing to be guilty about. These girls are the pitiful ones.

"Yeah okay Morgan."

The other two look ready to say something, but one look from me and they simply nod their heads instead. I calmly make my way from the common room and towards the exit doors to the school. I don't want to be here anymore, and not even a lecture from Uther later tonight is going to deter me from leaving.

"Morgan, Morgan stop!"

My legs freeze, and my body shivers at the sound of his voice. Why did he come after me?

"Go away Mordred. I don't need another lecture on treating others with respect from you."

I continue to the car park, and my black Aston Martin Vanquish. When I finally make it to the car I look back to the entrance doors of Camelot, but like I expected, Mordred is gone.

-o-

I don't spend the day doing much. I'm not really in the mood to be around people, so I decide to just go back to the Pendragon Manor. The maids can't say anything to me, and Uther will know I missed College regardless, so really it doesn't matter where I go. I do a little studying because I don't want to fall behind in my classes, and then watch a sappy movie – sadly romantic comedies are a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. The idea of having someone love you so much that they'd risk everything for you is something I know I'll never have, but it's nice to fantasize about it every once in a while.

When Arthur loudly stomps into his room around four I'm tempted to leave him be, but I can't. My relationship with Arthur is dysfunctional, but it's still the only real relationship I have left. Uther and I have always had an understanding, but he's just the man who allows me to sleep in his home, and spend his money. I barely see him because he works so often, and when I do he always says or does something to piss me off. I may not be very good at showing my feelings, but I make it clear that I don't like it when Uther demeans Arthur. Even admitting it to myself is difficult, but through the years I've always cared about Arthur. He's been like a brother to me. After everything with Gwen he hasn't completely shut me out like everyone else. Yeah he says things here and there about me being a bitch, or an evil harpie, but we've always had that sort of relationship.

I can tell Arthur's in a foul mood, and what kind of sisterly figure would I be if I didn't try to make things worse?

I don't know why I feel like I need to push people to their breaking points, but Mordred always said it's my way of testing how much a person loves me. If they stay even after I push them to the extreme then to me that means they truly love me - clearly Gwen didn't really love me. He also said it was because of what my excuse for parents did to me, but that was obvious.

Once I reach Arthur's door I don't take the time to knock. I never have.

God his room always reminds me of fucking Gryffindor because it has so much damn red and gold. Fucking Potter wannabe!

"What the hell Morgan! Did you ever consider the possibility that I could have been naked?"

He quickly slams his laptop shut, and it briefly crosses my mind that he may have been wanking, but I doubt it. I've seen his face when I've caught him wanking off, a little sweaty and as red as his stupid painted walls from embarrassment, but no this is a different face. I wonder what he was doing before I barged in. Maybe Gwen related? Uther had basically told me to spy on Arthur, and make sure he doesn't have anything to do with Gwen. Of course I agreed to do as he'd asked, but really I couldn't give a fuck what Arthur and Gwen do. Besides, I heard what Uther said he'd do to Gwen if Arthur even spoke to her, and I'm not going to help him get her put in care.

"Oh lets not play coy Arthur. You and I both know you don't have anything I haven't seen already."

"God will you just shut up! That's the last thing I want to hear coming from you."

He looks like he's about to be sick, and I can't hold in the small chuckle that passes from my lips. Damn I hate it when Arthur manipulates me into putting my guard down. I just don't feel so spiteful around him, and I don't like it. I don't want to have to rely on anyone, but somehow Arthur's able to make me a more bearable person.

"Well Morgan is there a reason you just barged into my room like you were welcome?"

He's looking at me expectantly as I completely enter his room, and quietly shut the door behind me.

"I just wanted to see if you'd heard the news around Camelot these days."

"Right because I care so much about the daily gossip of a few bored teenagers."

He actually looks a little affronted, but I only smile in return. I have to make myself appear like I'm enjoying this, even if I'm not. Can't have Arthur thinking I actually care.

"Even if it's about your precious Guinevere?"

That immediately gets Arthur's attention, and he jumps from his chair, and quickly strides over to me with a scowl on his face.

"What you mean the things about her being a horrible evil bitch that slags around with any man that will have her? I heard those already, and I have it on good authority that you started them."

"Oh Arthur, you can't believe everything you hear."

He grabs my arm hard enough to bruise, but I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me falter. I'm a better actress than anyone gives me credit for, and he won't see the guilt I feel for what I did to Gwen's reputation.

"No I mean the rumour about her being pregnant, and either you, Gwaine, or Lance being her child's father."

His grip on my arm loosens, and he quickly turns away from me. So it's just as I thought, Gwen is pregnant.

"I don't know how that one started, but…"

"I know Lance and Gwen never slept together, and I doubt Gwaine would betray either of you like that, so that only leaves one other person. I've known Gwen a long time, and she wouldn't just drop her knickers for anyone."

"Don't talk about her like that!"

My smile widens when I see the vein protruding from his now rosy forehead. He's so angry it's startling. He must really love Gwen, and subconsciously my blood boils with even more envy.

"So when do you plan on telling your father about the new grandchild he should be expecting in a few months time? I guess I should start planning a baby shower for Gwen because I'm practically the auntie."

"You will have nothing to do with my child, and if I have my way the baby won't even know you exist."

I remind myself that Arthur and I aren't actually siblings, but for some reason the thought hurts. We've practically been raised like family since I was brought to his front door as a child. My poker face falters for only a second, but Arthur catches it.

"Morgan I'm sorry. I didn't…Are you going to tell my father?"

"No, unlike you I'm not your father's puppet."

"I'm not…"

"You know Arthur I always thought you were different than him. You were always a little boy who wanted to help people. Always wanted to be the hero who swept in and saved the day, but one day you'll realize that you may be the hero, but not every hero gets his happily ever after."

I have nothing left to say to him, so I calmly make my way to his door.

"What happened to you Morgan?"

My hand stills on the knob, but as the tears quietly fall down my face I realize that my composure has crumbled, and I can't let him see that.

"I stopped being an ignorant little girl, and realized the truth. People can't be trusted, and they'll only succeed in hurting you."

I don't wait for a response from Arthur as I quickly leave his room with tears now falling freely down my face. He just doesn't understand! I don't want to always be so angry, but I can't make it go away. I'm always angry, jealous, or proud; basically I embody all seven deadly sins on a daily basis. I blame my parents for what I've become. My hate for them has made it so difficult for me to trust anyone. I thought they loved me, but if they did how could they just leave me here?

I've only ever told Gwen and Mordred what my parents did to me, but I'm sure Uther told Arthur because he never asks about my family. I'm sure they laughed about the stupid little girl who believed her parents when they told her that they would be back for her on that first day she came to the Pendragon Manor. What a foolish child I had been. They never came back, and to this day I don't know where they are, but I hope they're dead somewhere. At least if they're dead they'd have an excuse for not coming back.

I slam the door to my room, and run to my bed. I lay there for what feels like hours just staring at the dark green walls as the light from the sun slowly diminishes. I hate myself when I cry. I'm not that weak little girl anymore waiting for a fairytale that will never come true. I'm stronger, and now I know that the only really strong characters in those stories were the villains. Those women were able to depend on themselves, and never needed anyone else. The witches held all the power.

I fumble to open the drawer at my bedside in just the moonlight, but after years of practice I'm finally able to unlock it in a couple minutes. I'm a very private person, and I make sure that only I have access to my personal effects. The key to this drawer always hangs around my neck unless I'm showering, or partaking in other enjoyable physical activities.

I quickly dig underneath a few papers with poems I've written until I reach the secret compartment on the bottom. I momentarily hesitate when I feel the cold steel across my fingertips. I haven't resorted to cutting myself in a while. I didn't even cut myself after the conversation Mordred and I shared when the rumours about my tryst with Lance started, and that really hadn't been a friendly chat. Since my fallout with Gwen Mordred's done a fairly good job of avoiding me, and that really hurt me, so why is it only now that I feel like I need this again?

I slowly remove the blade from its soft velvet wrapping. It was an online purchase I'd made on a whim about six years ago when my anger finally started to get to me. I used a maid's credit card to order it, and then had her sign for it when the package came. I was at a very low point, and felt too superior for something as common as a razor blade like I'd heard others used. I was Morgan Fay, so I thought I deserved the best. Looking back it doesn't really make any sense that I'd gone to all that trouble, but it was something I thought I'd needed to do.

I lift it towards my face, and my eyes are immediately transfixed by the way the knife catches the soft glow of the moonlight. It truly is a stunning piece of artwork. A gold handle with intricate patterns and jewels engraved on it, and a smooth, but sharp blade that will cut deep without much prodding. Even after so much neglect it still shines like new.

I laugh quietly to myself, and fall back to my bed with the knife clutched tightly in my hands. Soon the sound of my laughter becomes so maniacal that for a second I think I've finally gone mental; I must have. All I can think about is finally cutting so deep that I'll never last the night. Uther and Arthur never come to my room just to check on me, and the maids won't risk entering without permission until late afternoon, so if I want to I can finally end all my pain and suffering. Like me my feelings of inadequacy would no longer exist.

I can feel tears on my face again, but my laughter doesn't subside. How can I be so sad, but yet so happy all at once?

I go back and forth with how I should place the knife on my right wrist. Horizontally and it will temporarily numb the pain, but vertically and then there will be no more pain at all.

No one will miss me, so why should I even hesitate? Arthur's just like everyone else. He puts up with me because I'm his father's reminder to the general public that he can be a kind man. Gwen never really cared. She just used me to get closer to Arthur. Merlin and Gwaine could care less if something happened to me, and I know Lance would dance on my grave because then he won't be visibly reminded of the time he fucked me anymore. Mordred…I'd like to think he'd be sad, but he'll still have his family and Gwen to busy himself with. After a few years I'm sure he'll barely even remember me.

Alright so this is it. I place the knife over my wrist vertically, and briefly wonder whether or not I should leave some kind of note, but who would care to read it?

I quickly stuff one of my tops in my mouth to muffle the sound of my scream. I don't want anyone walking in on…

"Morgan? Are you in here? One of the maids said you were in your room. I wanted to talk…"

I quickly drop the knife to the floor in shock, spit out the top in my mouth, and try to blink away the stinging sensation in my eyes because of the bright fluorescent light. What is he doing here?

"What the hell do you think you're doing Mordred?"

I keep my eyes focused on the knife at my feet, and away from the accusation I know will be in his large blue eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at Morgan?"

My hard exterior crumbles for a moment at his words, but I quickly collect myself.

"Since when do you care about anything I do? Recently I haven't done anything to your unrequited love, so I really don't see why you're bothering me. You've made it quite clear these past few months that you want nothing to do with me. Don't pretend to care when we both know you couldn't give a fuck about me!"

I try to sound as menacing as I can, but Mordred's penetrating gaze sees right through me. He always does. He understands me better than anyone, and I love and hate him all once because of that.

"Don't fucking start that with me Morgan! You promised me you'd never do that shit to yourself again! Told me that you realized how stupid it was to hurt yourself like that."

He's making me feel weak, and I don't like it. I was just trying to take away the pain. No matter what I do it never goes away, and I can't deal with it anymore!

"I know that I've been a crap mate to you Morgan, but contrary to what you may believe I do care about you. I was wrong to say most of the things I said to you the last time we spoke, but I was angry, and you know I say a lot of fucked up things when I'm mad. It's not an excuse, and I'm sorry okay. I just…I can't see you go through this again."

Mordred slowly takes my hand in his, and gently pulls me up into his arms. I willingly let him hold me, and rest my head on his shoulder. I want to cry, but I don't want to look any weaker than I already do.

"You shouldn't hurt yourself because of anyone Morgan. They aren't worth it. Not me, not your parents, no one."

Why aren't I good enough? What's so wrong with me?

I hold him tighter, and just allow myself to finally cry openly.

"You were too good for them Morgan, and I won't ever abandon you like they did. You have to know that no matter what happens between us we'll always be mates? Just please don't hurt yourself like this anymore. I couldn't bear to lose you."

I'm used to being on my own. Abandonment is something I've had to deal with since my parents left me. I always told myself that it's stupid to care about people because no one will ever really care about you, and that I don't need to waste my time loving people that don't love me.

"Come with me Mordred. It's the last month of College, and after we're done we can go anywhere we want. Together we can just leave Albion and never come back?"

I bury my head deeper into his shoulder, and finally feel peaceful for the first time in years. The idea of just being free of Albion, and all the painful memories this place holds over me would be wonderful, but getting to leave with Mordred at my side. I…I can't imagine anything better.

"You know I can't Morgan."

I choke down my tears, and try to free myself from his grasp, but Mordred holds me tighter.

"Merlin's in remission right now, but his cancer could come back at any moment. I can't just leave my Mum to take care of him on her own. I won't abandon my family the way my father did, so please don't make this a choice between you and them."

My tears turn into heavy sobs, and I silently whimper into Mordred's black shirt. I know he can hear me crying, but he doesn't say anything more, just continues to hold me as I smear my mascara all over his clothes. I'm not crying because I know he won't leave his family, but because there's no one besides Mordred who I thought would ever choose me first.

"There's no point in making you choose because I already know you'd pick them first, and you should. They're your family, and you'll always love them more than anything or anyone else."

I can hear the quiver in my voice, and it makes me angry. I'm acting like such a stupid girl.

He slowly pulls away from me, and hesitantly rubs his hand over my cheek. He hasn't been this intimate with me in a while, and I know he's afraid I'll turn away from him.

"No Morgan. I don't want you to ask me because I'm not sure I'd be able to choose them over you. We've always just understood each other. I…I've never had to explain myself to you, and you accept me even with my many faults. My mother loves me, but she sees too much of my father in me, and it scares her. Merlin and I have never had the best relationship. Hell he looks at Arthur Pendragon as more of a brother than he does me. The people I associate with barely know me because I don't care to actually talk to them. You're the only one who just…fuck I don't know! We just work."

He finally separates himself from me and walks to the other side of my room. I want to kiss him, and slap him all at once. Why is he doing this to me? Why does he always have to say something that keeps me tethered to him like this?

"What about the love of your life? You can't help but choose Gwen over me."

I know it's a dangerous question to ask, especially to Mordred. Like me he's not really able to properly get his feelings out.

"I'm not good for Gwen. She's…she's too…I'm darkness, and she's light. The two are always separated for a reason. I've hurt her enough. After that night, after what I did to her…I'll never go near her again. I watch her to remember how much of a monster I am, and the evil I'm capable of."

I bow my head so as to avoid his eyes. I don't want him to know how disgusted I still am by what he did. Gwen didn't deserve to be raped.

"LOOK AT ME MORGAN! Don't hide your disgust from me. You should feel disgusted by me. I deserve to be punished for what I did to her, but I'm too much of a coward to tell the coppers."

"You were drunk Mordred. You weren't thinking straight. You didn't mean to hurt her. I know you didn't because you're a better person then you give yourself credit for, and I love you so much."

"Well you're a fool Morgan because being drunk doesn't give anyone the right to rape someone. I may not have been completely sane at the time, but I knew what I was doing. I knew that this was the only time I would ever be able to touch her. At first I was just going to kiss her, but then after I did I couldn't stop kissing her. Before I knew it we were both naked, and oh god!"

I watch him fall to the floor weeping and my heart breaks for him, but he did this to himself. I love him so much, but what he did to Gwen was wrong, so very wrong.

"After everything I…I just panicked."

"Mordred stop, please just stop."

At this point I'm crying along with him, and I move to sit in front of him so I can try to get him to calm down. He's shaking profusely, and I don't know what to do.

"No, no I want you to know exactly what kind of man you love. I stopped last time, and I shouldn't have. I should have told you everything when I first told you what I did to her. When I do the very sight of me will finally repulse you as much as it does me."

"Mordred"

"I panicked so I took Gwaine from the couch and moved him onto the bed with her. I took off all his clothes, and threw the remains of the condom on the bed before throwing it to the side. I put the blame on someone else because I couldn't handle her ever knowing it was me. She already looks at me with such disgust, and I didn't want her to hate me, but she deserves to hate me for what I did to her."

I wrap my arms around Mordred's hunched figure, and try to forget the things he's just told me. I didn't know the details of what happened that night, and I truly never wanted to. Though now that I do I'm rightfully appalled by what Mordred did, but I still can't help loving him.

"I'm just like my father Morgan. I take advantage of women, and I hurt them."

"Mordred I don't understand? What does your father have to do with anything?"

He doesn't look at me, but I watch him as his eyes dart in every direction but mine. I know he's trying to decide whether or not he should tell me what's on his mind, judging the importance of me knowing against not knowing. He always used to do this when we were younger and he wanted to tell me a secret.

"My father used to force himself on my Mum. Late at night after Merlin was already sleeping I used to hear her trying to unsuccessfully stifle her screams. My room was closest to my parents, and I knew she didn't want to risk the chance that Merlin or I would wake up, but I always heard. He'd come home drunk off his arse, and hit her to wake up, and then he would yell at her to get on her hands and knees. If she didn't do what he wanted quick enough he'd threaten to hurt me and Merlin. The night he finally left for good was only because I tried to kill him."

"Oh my god, Mordred!"

"One night I went into my parent's room after they were sleeping, and put a pillow over his head. He was still clumsy because of all the alcohol he'd been drinking, so he didn't put up much of a fight, but Mum woke up and stopped me before I could actually kill him. After that she got a restraining order against my father, and we both agreed not to tell Merlin anything about it."

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this? Mordred you know you could have told me. I wouldn't have told anyone."

"I know you wouldn't have said anything Morgan, it wasn't about that. I just couldn't…I didn't want anyone to ever know. I didn't want you to know that I was sired by a man who repeatedly hurt women, and threatened the lives of his children as a means to get what he wanted. It's no wonder I'm so fucked up, but thankfully not Merlin. I made sure that Merlin had a better life than I did, but all the same I envied his ignorance."

I understood exactly what he meant. Gwen and I had both been abandoned by our parents – her situation much crueler than mine, yet she hadn't become as jaded to the world as I had. Why was it that I became cynical and pessimistic while she grew more humble and caring? It's so hard to truly love people properly when you also resent them.

"So you see Morgan I never truly loved Gwen, I was obsessed with the idea of her. If I'd loved her I never would have hurt her, and ultimately that's why I stay away from you. The two of us together we'd just hurt each other too much, and I…"

Mordred and I startle when the door is thrown open, and Arthur charges towards us like a bull. I can feel Mordred push me out of the way, but I barely register what's happening before Arthur's knocked Mordred's head into the ground. I can see them rolling around on the floor hitting each other frantically, but I'm frozen on the other side of the room, and it feels like my mouth has been glued shut.

Eventually Arthur lands a really hard punch to Mordred's face and gets the upper hand.

"You were the one that raped Guinevere! You put your filthy hands on her, and took advantage of someone that innocent and kind."

I just watch with tears pouring down my face as Arthur throws punch after punch at Mordred. By this point his face is just a mess of red, and Arthur's hand appears and disappears like a bloodied blur.

"Arthur, Arthur STOP! Get off him. You'll kill him if you don't stop!"

My voice is working, but my body still refuses to move.

"I should kill him for what he did to her. She's never hurt ANYONE, and you…"

I can see Arthur trying to wipe the tears from his eyes without getting too much blood on his face. Mordred's breathing, but he's coughing up so much blood that I'm scared he'll die.

"Please Arthur. Mordred made a mistake, and I know it's unforgivable what he did to Gwen, but he's sorry. If you continue what you're doing they'll throw you in jail Arthur, and your future will be spent locked in a prison cell."

"He's sorry"

"Yes Arthur he's sorry, and he hates himself for what he did to her. Think about your child. Do you really want them to come into the world while you're locked away?"

Arthur's eyes peer into my own, and the cold look he's giving me makes me tremble. There's blood covering his entire upper body, and I can practically feel the heat of his rage from where I'm sitting. I quickly realize that Arthur is beyond reason right now.

"I came to your room because I heard Mordred yelling, and I was worried about you. Can you believe that? I was worried about a heartless bitch who doesn't care about anyone but a sick fuck who raped a woman that wanted nothing to do with him. We've had our problems Morgan, but as I look at you now you're nothing but a stranger to me."

"Arthur..."

"Do you really hate her so much?"

I cower away from Arthur's eyes, and stare at Mordred's limp body underneath him. I don't condone what Mordred did to Gwen, but I can't just stop loving the boy who always tried so hard to put a smile on my face, or always took the time to make sure I felt like I mattered.

"I don't hate Gwen. If anything I envy her because she's so loved. I'm angry all the time Arthur, and I hate it, but I can't stop feeling this way. Everyone has someone but me. Don't you see that?"

I feel like a nob expressing myself like this, but if the truth will help Mordred I'll spend hours revealing my deepest darkest secrets, and willingly pour out my soul to Arthur.

"You had me, you had Gwen, you had Merlin, you had Gwaine, but you left us Morgan. I loved you like you were my very blood, but after tonight the simple sight of you sickens me. I never want to see your face again."

"Arthur, you don't mean that. You're just angry right now. We've been like siblings for years. You just don't understand the situation."

I slowly crawl towards him, and he scowls at me the closer I get. I'm surprised at how hurt I am by Arthur's dismissal, but once he understands everything will be fine again. I just need to get him to listen to me.

"Arthur…"

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say Morgan. He has to pay for what he did to her."

He quickly gets off of Mordred and takes a threatening step towards me, and I instinctively move back.

"Arthur just listen to me!"

"NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME! THAT FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING RAPED THE ONLY WOMAN I'VE EVER LOVED, AND EVER WILL LOVE. HE NEEDS TO BE PUNISHED, and I need to be the one to do it."

Arthur moves back on top of Mordred so he's straddling him, and I watch him hit Mordred relentlessly as if stuck in a dream. I don't know what I'm doing, but the only thing I can think about is making sure Arthur doesn't kill Mordred.

I slowly pick up the knife, and calmly rise to my feet. When I begin walking I feel like I'm gliding towards Arthur and Mordred. I think I've caught a glimpse of movement from the corner of my eye, but I don't stop walking. The closer I get the less I seem to hear; until the only sound reaching my ears is simply white noise. When the knife plunges into Arthur's back I see his mouth open like he's shouting out, but the sound still doesn't reach my ears. I watch him fall to the floor with blood pooling from his back, and slowly raise my hands to my face. There's a knife in one of my hands, and the same crimson red blood seeping onto the back of his white shirt is smeared on me.

Suddenly there's a loud high pitched scream invading my ears, and it takes me awhile to realize that it's my own scream. I instantly drop the knife, and try to wipe the blood off on my clothes, but it's still there, and it won't come off. I can see Arthur on the floor with Uther now bent over him trying to stop the bleeding, but it's the pained look in Arthur's eyes that brings me back from my reverie. What have I done? I wouldn't hurt Arthur. I love Arthur. Arthur's my only family. Arthur's…Arthur's not going to die.

"Arthur?"

His eyes are closed now, and he's not moving, but I'm sure he's alright.

I slowly begin to walk towards him because I have this overwhelming need to touch him; to know that he's still alive and well. I know I didn't hurt him as much as I fear I did because he's always okay. When we were little he fell out of a tree, and got up like nothing happened.

In a few months he's even going to be a father, and what about Gwen? She needs him, and Arthur would never leave Gwen.

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM! YOU KILLED YOUR OWN BROTHER!"

"I didn't mean to. I don't know what happened. I just wanted him to stop. He wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't he stop? You weren't here, but I kept asking him to stop."

"HE WAS YOUR BROTHER, AND YOU MURDERED HIM!"

"He was my brother?"

Oh wait yes I remember when he said that to me.

"Yes he's my brother! He told me that once when we were little. He said that since I was living with him I was basically like his sister, and he my brother. Then we went outside and played all day."

"What the hell are you talking about? I mean he's your brother by blood. You're my daughter Morgan!"

My mind isn't working properly, and I know it's not since none of this is making any sense. All I know is Arthur's not dead because she wouldn't harm him. Something else is going on someone else killed him because she wouldn't. She would never hurt Arthur. Arthur's her only family.

"Where am I? What's going on here?"

There's so much blood around her, and she doesn't know what's going on. Who are these people?

"Morgan?"

She feels like she knows this Morgan person, but she can't remember how?

There are really loud noises in the background, and they're hurting her head so much. Why is everyone being so loud?

"Shut up! All of you shut up. Stop yelling at me I didn't do anything. It was her it wasn't me! I'm a good girl."

"Morgan, stop it!"

There's a boy covered in blood touching my arm, but I don't know who he is.

"Leave me alone I'm not Morgan. I don't know who she is!"

I move away from this stranger, and I feel bad for him because his face is all broken, and he looks like he's having trouble standing.

There are a lot of people running around the room in blue uniforms screaming at each other like chickens with their heads cut off, and I can't help but laugh at the sight. Why are they moving around like that? Don't they know how silly they look?

I move towards the bed and lay down in a ball. I'm cold, but I don't want to get too comfortable in someone else's bed. I look back at everyone running around this one boy with tubes all over him, and I can't stop laughing. The bloodied up boy looks at me with a sad face as a man in a blue uniform walks over to him, but I don't know why he can't see how funny it all is. I feel like I can barely breathe because I'm giggling so hard, but I just can't stop laughing.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you for reading, and I'm sure there are PLENTY of questions! Here's a small recap of some things that happened in the chapter, and a bit of an explanation too.<em>

_Firstly, yes most of you reading were right to think Mordred raped Gwen, but I also wanted to show that he realizes that what he did to her was wrong, and even a year later he still has so much self-hatred. What he witnessed between his mother and father was not meant to make him look better! Your feelings on Mordred are completely up to you! I put it in there because I wanted to explain a little more about why Mordred is the way he is. More importantly why his relationship with Merlin is so strained, but in the first chapter he was so worried about him when he found out about Merlin's leukemia._

_Secondly, yes Morgan has lost her mind. She can't deal with what she did to Arthur, so she's pretty much become someone that doesn't internalize things as seriously as Morgan did. That was why there was a small part in the third person. It was essentially Morgan mentally becoming this other person that the chapter ends with. The ending actually happened, it was not a dream!_

_Thirdly, yes in this story Morgan and Arthur are actually brother and sister by blood. Uther fathered Morgan, and this will come up more as to why her parents left her at the Pendragon Manor all those years ago._

_Fourthly, yes Morgan is deeply in love with Mordred, and has been since they were children. Romantically they grew apart because Mordred started thinking he was in love with Gwen, when really he was just in love with the idea of Gwen. This is a major factor behind Morgan's bitterness towards Gwen._

_Lastly, Morgan stabbed Arthur, and it's quite possible that she killed him. _

_I know there was a lot in this chapter, and I'm sorry to overload you guys with so much information. If you have any other questions or concerns regarding the chapter let me know. I write and then post pretty soon after, so if there's something that doesn't make sense it's quite possible that I just didn't explain it well enough and need to go back and fix it._

_I promise this is the last part of my long rant! I thought about it a lot, and came to the conclusion that you guys should be the one's to decide whether I should make an epilogue after the next chapter, or a sequel with another eight character chapters? I realize that a lot of people don't like to review, and I understand that, but if people could quite literally just message with either just epilogue or sequel that would be a big help. I can't even start writing the next chapter until I know where I can go with the story. Obviously majority wins so once I get (hopefully) about ten or more for one I'll put out an Author's note telling you guys whether there will be a sequel or epilogue._

_Thank you again for taking the time to read the chapter, and this extremely long closing message. Only one more chapter to go, and it's EVERYONE!:)_


	10. Everyone I

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (8a/8)  
><strong>Author: ceecee_05<strong>  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Gwen, Merlin, Lance, Mordred, Elaine, Gwaine.  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Arthur's fighting to stay alive, and things get crazy as everyone tries to cope with the situation.  
><strong>Author's notes: <strong>_So this is the first half of the last chapter. This is from everyone's POV, so when __**-o-**__ is shown it means the character perspective has shifted to someone else. I hope that this shift is clear enough for those reading. This will probably be the longest chapter when it's completed because of all the different perspectives. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors__, and happy reading!:)_

* * *

><p><strong>Everyone<strong>

I'm sitting in front of my laptop waiting for Arthur to return, and with each passing second I'm getting more and more anxious. Arthur said he wouldn't be more than ten minutes; he'd even promised me, and Arthur doesn't break his promises. He'd heard yelling from Morgan's room, and was just going to check to make sure she was okay, but that was half an hour ago. I wasn't even all that happy about Arthur getting involved in Morgan and Mordred's problems. Morgan's feelings for Mordred have always been a little strange to me. There were just so many times when it felt like she couldn't see anyone else but him, and the last thing I want Arthur involved in is one of their lover's spat.

I swiftly make my way to the bathroom hoping he'll be back by the time I return. The baby always makes me need to pee, and right now the last thing I want to do is leave my computer screen. When I sit back down in front of my laptop Arthur's still not there, and I quickly begin to panic.

-o-

"He's in the fucking hospital with a stab wound in his back. He was literally stabbed in the fucking back Lance!"

I swerve a little on the road when my rage becomes almost blinding. Some motherfucker stabbed my cousin, and if it's the last thing I do I'm going to make them pay!

"_Holy shit Gwaine! Is he alright? Do they know who did it?"_

I clutch the steering wheel until my knuckles are white waiting for the red light to turn green. If I knew who hurt my little cousin I wouldn't be on my way to pick up Merlin to go to the hospital, I'd be going to teach that fucker a lesson!

"He's alive that's all I know, but I think they know who did it to him, and when I find out…"

"_Gwaine don't do anything stupid. Let the coppers handle this one mate. Arthur wouldn't want you going to prison…"_

"How the fuck would you know what Arthur wants? He's in a bloody hospital bed dying. Right now the only thing he wants is to stay alive, so don't tell me what you think he wants when you have no fucking clue Lance!"

I'm fuming because this can't actually be happening. When my mother called me about Arthur being stabbed I hadn't really believed her. Who would hurt Arthur, and why hadn't I been there to protect him? I'd been doing shit all at home while my cousin needed me, and I won't ever forgive myself for that.

"_I'm sorry Gwaine, I was just trying to help you."_

"I know Lance, I'm sorry. Everything's just…I can't believe this is really happening."

I stop at the side of the road to compose myself. If I don't I know I'll be getting to the hospital in an ambulance instead of my car.

"_How did Gwen take the news?"_

I try not to be angry that Lance is worried about Gwen. He loved her for long enough that she's important to him, but Gwen's Arthur's girl now, and Lance needs to remember that.

"I haven't told her yet, and I don't know if I should."

Gwen's in a delicate state right now, and I've been to enough of her pregnancy checkups to know that stress isn't good for the baby. She's only six months along, and news that the man you love is dying isn't going to do anything but make her very stressed.

"It's just not going to be good for her health, and I don't think I should risk things by telling her."

I haven't told Lance about Gwen being pregnant, and I don't think anyone else has either, so I'd feel weird telling him now. Besides, it's Arthur and Gwen's secret, not mine.

"_You don't have to pretend Gwaine. I know."_

I try to ignore the melancholy in his voice, but I can't.

"I'm sorry mate, who told you? Elaine?"

I put the car back in drive, and continue on my way to Merlin's place. I need to make sure Arthur's alright, and sitting here isn't doing me any good.

"_No one told me. I've known Gwen for a long time, and I can tell when her entire body changes. She's even got the glow of a pregnant woman."_

"Yeah, she does."

"_I think you should tell her Gwaine. Gwen is going to find out eventually, but I think the news would be better coming from you than anyone else. Having people that care about her around when she finds out will be better than finding out from some random person at Camelot. She deserves to know that the man she loves is in the hospital, and as much as I hope it isn't this could be his last moments, and she should be with him just in case."_

I'm silent as I process what Lance has said. He's right, but I still worry about the baby. If anything happens to Arthur that baby will be all that's left of him, and the idea of having neither of them makes my blood run cold.

"I'll think about it."

I know that's a bit of a lie because I've already made a decision, but I don't want Lance to know what my thoughts are just in case I change my mind.

"_Alright I'm going to ring Elaine and tell her what happened. I'm sure once she finds out we'll both be seeing you very shortly."_

I make it to Merlin's driveway, and see him sitting on his porch with his head in his hands. When I honk my horn he quickly gets up, and tries to hide the fact that he's wiping his face, but I see.

"Okay, I'll see you both when you get there."

As Merlin's getting situated in the front seat I end the call with Lance, and drop my mobile onto his lap.

"Just in case someone rings me."

"Why who were you just talking to?"

I'm sure Merlin couldn't give a shit that I was just talking to Lance, but I'm desperate for something else to think about other than Arthur.

"Lance. He said he was going to pick up Elaine and meet us at the hospital."

"Crap I forgot to ring Elaine and tell her!"

"It's not important right now. She'll know in a few minutes, so forget it. Just close the door we've gotta hurry."

Merlin quickly does as I say, and shuts his car door. I speed onto the road, and hope I'm doing the right thing.

"Where are you going? This isn't the way to the hospital."

I'm sure Merlin knows the way to Albion hospital from his house like the back of his hand because of all the times he had to go to his chemo sessions, and he's right I'm not heading to the hospital.

"I know. I'm going to get Gwen."

"Do you really think that's wise considering?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure it's the right thing to do"

-o-

A lager here, a shot of vodka there, and always at least one person unable to handle their liquor. I don't know why no one thinks security would be a good idea in a place like Shingles, but here I am dealing with a drunken idiot who doesn't realize that he's had enough for the night. I'm already so tired, and this bullshit really isn't helping. College is going to be a complete disaster tomorrow.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you another lager."

"Listen to me you little bitch! I'm giving you money, so I should get as much booze as I want when I ask for it."

I try not to think about slapping this man in the face because I know if I do I'll lose my job, but the temptation is definitely there. I can feel the vibration of my mobile in my back pocket for the sixth time in three minutes, so I finally pull it out. When I see Lance's name on the screen I instantly pick up the call.

"Lance, are you alright?"

I'm worried something's happened to him, and my heart clenches as I wait for him to quell my worries. He has to be okay!

"_Elaine I'm fine. It's Arthur…"_

"Oh my God what's happened to him? Is he alright?"

I quickly turn my back away from the drunkard still yelling obscenities at me, and every other patron in the bar waiting to order a drink so I can hear Lance better.

"_Arthur's been stabbed Elaine. He's in hospital right now, but they don't know if he's going to make it."_

"Oh my God Arthur! I've got to go to the hospital! There should be a bus that will take me…Oh screw it I'll pay for a cab. How the hell did this even happen?"

I quickly start packing my stuff into my school bag. I need to get out of here, and I couldn't give a shit about anyone seeing my Camelot uniform at this point.

"_I don't know any of the details that lead to him being taking to hospital, but stay where you are I'll be there in five minutes."_

"Alright I'll wait, but just hurry Lance."

"_I will"_

He drops the call, and I quickly call my boss to tell him I need to leave. I can't believe this! How the hell did Arthur get stabbed? I've never even seen him get into a fight, so what the hell did he do that prompted this?

"_Hello, who's this?"_

I ignore his clipped tone because right now that isn't important.

"Mr. Owen I'm calling to tell you I have to leave my shift early. I just found out that a good friend of mine is in hospital, and I need to…"

"_What the bloody hell do you mean you're leaving early? I don't pay you to leave when you damn well please!"_

"Sir…"

"_If you leave you better not come back because you won't have a job to come back to! I swear I'll make it so you never work in all of Albion again!"_

Is he really serious right now? Arthur is in the hospital potentially about to die, and this excuse for a human being is really threatening my job?

"Well Mr. Owen I guess you'll need to find yourself a new bartender, and just for the record I'm only in my eleventh year of College. For your sake I hope I get a nice last check, or else you might be hearing from the authorities for hiring a minor to work in a pub."

"_YOU'RE WHAT?"_

I only feel a little bad for blackmailing him, but if I'm going to get fired I'll need to have enough money until I can at least find a new job. Besides, he's a right bastard for all the things he said to me!

"I said I'm sixteen Sir."

"_Shit!"_

I'm about to end the call, but then I remember all the patrons still in the bar.

"Oh and Mr. Owen you might want to get your arse down here as soon as possible before everyone here drinks you dry. Maybe now you'll think of hiring security? Have a nice night you bloody twat! I'll see you when I come to pick up my check in a few days."

I smile as I close my phone, and subsequently end the string of expletives leaving Mr. Owen's mouth. Lance messaged to say that he's outside, and I immediately pick up my bag and leave the back of the bar. Shingles can go fuck itself. Arthur's more important than this excuse for a job. Maybe I should look into getting a job at the Albion Eatery again? They do pay really well…

"Where the hell are you going?"

I turn around briefly to stare at the rude man from earlier. He's standing rather anxiously by the bar, and I know he's about ready to start on another tirade.

"I don't work here anymore, so go ahead and drink up!"

Right before I leave Shingles I can hear numerous chairs screeching across the floor, and I know that Mr. Owen is definitely going to be in for a surprise when he gets here. Arthur's right I've definitely been spending too much time with him, and if I'm lucky that won't end anytime soon.

-o-

I nervously run my left hand across my shirt as Gwaine continues driving to Gwen's place. My mobile rings in my ear, and I desperately hope no one answers. I don't want to be the one to tell Gwen that Arthur's in hospital, and I know Gwaine doesn't either.

"_Hello"_

I curse at the sound of Gwen's voice.

"_Merlin? Merlin is that you?"_

"Gwen I can't talk right now, but I need you to get ready as quickly as possible. Gwaine and I are coming to pick you up right now, and we should be there in about five minutes."

"_Merlin what's going on? Please tell me it's not Arthur…"_

I choke back my tears when her voice becomes almost frantic. I can't tell her. I don't really believe what's happening either. I figure if I don't think about it then it won't be as bad as it could be. Arthur's made it clear since we were kids that he plans on bothering me for the rest of our lives, but that's not supposed to be until we're old and gray.

"Gwen, just be outside in five minutes!"

I end the call, and just stare at the phone. I didn't mean to be so short, but I can't tell her. If I do it'll be too real.

"You shouldn't have spoken to her like that. She's just scared."

I ignore Gwaine as I sink further into the seat cushion. I want to cry, but I know that tears won't help anything right now.

"I know"

I look away from the sight of Gwen sitting crouched on the ground, and instead turn to face the flowers in her front garden. I can't see any of them through the darkness, but I don't really care.

I can hear Gwaine sigh beside me before he exits the car, and shuts the door hard behind him. I force myself to look back at Gwen. She's wearing a red t-shirt that's much too large for her, and looks like it belongs to Arthur over black tights and ballet flats. She's practically in hysterics by the time Gwaine reaches her. He's gently pulling her to her feet, and she's holding on to him for dear life.

I can see her stomach much more noticeably now, and I quickly turn away for a second to compose myself when I glimpse the evidence of Arthur's future child.

Gwen begins to crumble to her knees, and Gwaine lowers with her trying to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. I know he's telling her, and the tears freely fall from my eyes at the clear display of Gwen's anguish.

-o-

I run from the car once we finally reach the hospital. Gwaine runs after me, but I don't stop. Arthur needs me, and I need him. I need to know that he's going to be okay.

"Gwen"

I can't stop! I'm almost at the doors now.

"GWEN"

I can feel a pull on my arm, and the sudden action stuns me enough that I finally stop.

"Gwen, are you out of your mind. Think about the baby! You can't just go on five mile run across a busy parking lot without paying any attention to your surroundings."

I'm trying to pull away from Gwaine while attempting to make another run for it. I need to see Arthur, and until I do nothing else matters.

"Gwen"

More tears come at the gentleness in Gwaine's voice. I know he's right, but every second that passes can be the moment he leaves me, and I just can't…I can't… I just need Arthur.

"Gwen I know you want to see him. Hell I want to see him too, but you need to relax! The last thing we want is for something to happen to the baby, so you need to be strong right now; stronger than you've ever had to be before. This can't just be about Arthur."

I quickly shake my head.

"I can't Gwaine! I can't think about anything else but Arthur. He needs me!"

"And that baby needs you to continue to keep it safe! Arthur doesn't want to walk up, and find out that something's happened to you or the baby. You need to try to calm down Gwen! If not for yourself or your child, then please do it for Arthur."

-o-

I don't know what to say. We're going to be at the hospital soon, and Elaine hasn't said anything to me besides _hello_. I know she's worried about Arthur, but I can't promise her that he'll be okay when there's a big possibility that he won't. I just want to do something to make her feel a little better, but for all my poetic words right now I have nothing to say.

I glance at her staring forlornly out the window, and I cautiously take her hand in mine. I entwine our hands, and blush a little when she smiles at me. I quickly look away from her and our joined hands to stare back at the road. Who cares why I was blushing? I'm just glad I finally got Elaine to smile.

I park, and then quickly follow after Elaine as she runs into Albion hospital. The nurse at the front desk escorts us to a waiting room, and tells us that Arthur is in surgery. When we enter the room I immediately notice that Gwaine isn't here. There are a few people in the room, and whether they are all here for Arthur is beyond me. I follow Elaine's movements as she runs towards a corner of the room where Gwen and Merlin are huddled together. She quickly hugs Merlin, and then proceeds to embrace Gwen as well. I'm a little shocked, but I guess I shouldn't be. Elaine had said that she and Gwen were slowly becoming mates.

I watch them, and contemplate whether or not I should go to them, but quickly walk out of the room instead. I certainly don't wish Pendragon dead, but I also don't feel as distraught as they do.

I retrace my steps back to the entrance to the building, and start looking for Gwaine. Elaine, Gwen, and Merlin don't need me, and I won't come between them.

-o-

I still remember the first time I met Arthur. I was seven and he was six. My mother brought me, Leon, and Percy to stay at the the Pendragon Manor for Arthur's birthday weekend. Arthur hadn't really had any mates, and back then I was a pretty cruel kid so I started making fun of him. Obviously he'd started crying, and my Mum scolded me that night before bed. She told me that Arthur was my family, and I should be looking out for him. Of course as a child I hadn't really cared about what she'd said, and the next day I continued to make fun of Arthur. Leon and Percy did it to me all the time, and it was nice not being the one getting picked on for once. When we went out to the park later that day with my Mum - Uther was working, there had been this snot nosed kid harassing Arthur, and even though I'd been doing the same thing I felt angry that this kid was going after Arthur, so I pushed him. From that moment on I'd started feeling protective of Arthur, like I was meant to look after him or something, and all these years I'd done a pretty good job, but the one time he'd really needed me I failed.

"I don't mean to interrupt."

I quickly look up and see Lance staring at me a short distance away. When he sees that I've noticed him he slowly begins to inch his way closer towards me.

"Since when?"

I try to grin, but it's almost like I can't remember how.

"I just dropped Elaine off with Gwen and Merlin in the waiting room. They all seem to be in terrible shape, but I couldn't help but notice you weren't with them. Why is that?"

My hands twitch, and I briefly wonder why I ever stopped smoking. Oh yeah fucking Arthur wouldn't shut up about it. Said I'd kill myself like that.

"I let him down Lance. He's like my baby brother, and I didn't save him from this."

I run my hands repeatedly through my hair, another habit that I picked up from Arthur. I can feel tears on my face, but I don't try to erase the evidence of them. Lance is a real mate, and I don't feel weak crying in front of him.

"You can't always be there for him Gwaine. Arthur's a fighter, and he always has been."

"Yeah I made him one. You should have seen him before he met me. Such a pushover, and it's not surprising with a fucking father like Uther Pendragon!"

I can't tell if I'm trying to grin or grimace, and I quickly rub my face in an attempt to clear my thoughts, but it doesn't work. How the fuck did this even happen!

"It's no secret that Arthur and I aren't all that close, but your cousin is pretty resilient. He's got a beautiful girlfriend and a new baby on the way, so I doubt he's going to be leaving that anytime soon. He'll get through this, and wake up laughing at all the fuss you guys are making."

"You don't know that!"

"No…you're right I don't, but I know that kid never quits. He's not going to give up on all the people that care about him, and that means surviving no matter what."

I stare at Lance, and slowly nod my head. He's right. Arthur's a fighter because I made him one, and he's not going to just give up. He's going to fight with everything he has to stay alive, and I'm going to be there looking out for him the entire way.

"You're a good mate Lance. I'm glad that I met you, and I'm sorry I haven't been a good friend to you this year."

"It's not important now Gwaine…"

"Yes it is! I've been treating you like shit, and you know it! When my Mum called to tell me what happened to Arthur you were the first person I wanted to call because I knew you'd be there for me. With everyone else I feel like I've got to be strong, and right now I'm just…not."

I push myself off of the wall I was leaning on, and move to stand right in front of Lance. Why does he always have to be so damn understanding all the time?

"Fuck Lance I don't even know what your plans are for next year! I use to know every detail about your life, and you used to know everything about mine."

Now we have so many secrets from each other, and I can't even tell you that I might be bent because I know you'll turn away from me forever.

"It's not some big secret Gwaine I'm going to France for Uni."

"What?"

What the hell! He's going to France? Yeah France isn't that far away, but it's not like he's going to be just down the street anymore. He's leaving Albion in a few months, and he didn't even think to tell me.

"I got accepted to go to school there, and my parents think it's a good idea. I've got family there, and I've visited for years so I'm familiar with the country."

"So you're just going to pack up and leave? I guess with me here there's really no chance of us being mates anymore!"

"We're always going to be mates Gwaine."

"God stop it Lance! We've barely spoken in the last few months, and I've spent most of that time with your ex-girlfriend. You never even asked me what I was doing spending all that time with Gwen. You just trusted me."

I can't take it anymore! I need to tell him what happened with Gwen last year.

"I know you wouldn't ever do anything with Gwen. You're not that person Gwaine, and you never will be."

He looks so sure, and maybe I didn't but still. I thought I had, and I hadn't told him.

"Lance…"

"You're being almost as dramatic right now as Elaine was when I told her. Why you both think I'm just never going to see either of you again is beyond me. I mean you can both visit me."

The words die on my lips, and I mentally scold myself for my cowardice. Every damn time I chicken out because I can't hurt Lance, and I know whether or not I actually did anything with Gwen is irrelevant at this point. It's the fact that I lied to him for so long that will hurt the most.

"Don't you think it'd be a little thick of you to invite Elaine to visit you in France?"

"What why? She's a good mate. It'd be rude not invite her."

I actually smirk at the confused look on his face. He really doesn't know that she's practically in love with him, and he's on his way there too.

"Forget it Lance. We should go back inside. I want to see if Arthur got out of surgery yet."

He quickly nods his head, and follows behind me as I walk around the building, and towards the entrance doors.

"Wait… you don't think she'll want to come?"

For the first time in hours I can't help but genuinely laugh at Lance's stupidity.

-o-

I break away from Gwen and Elaine as they continue to cry. I need to wipe at my own eyes because watching them has turned me into a right mess. If Mordred saw me now he'd have punched me and told me to stop being such a pussy.

I wander around the hospital a bit to try and clear my head. I know Arthur will be okay. Lucky sod's always alright, but he's sure as hell giving us all a good scare. Besides there's no way I'd go into remission on my leukemia just for Arthur to die instead. The world wouldn't be that cruel, right?

I can hear what sounds like sobbing coming from a quiet corridor to my left, and so I begin moving in that direction. I slowly make my way down the deserted hallway, and briefly wonder what the hell I'm doing. This area has all the makings of a horror movie. The lights are dim, and keep going on and off, but for some reason I keep going. Maybe I secretly have some sick fascination with death.

When I finally reach the end of the corridor I see a figure hunched on the floor, and I can't help the gasp that passes through my lips.

"Mordred?"

He looks up at me with tears falling from a black eye, and numerous scares covering his once clear face. He looks like he got his arse well kicked.

"Merlin"

He's staring at me through one eye, and I quickly lower myself towards him when he reaches for my arm.

"How's Arthur?"

I'm shocked by his words, and subconsciously recoil at his touch. He quickly releases my arm and looks away. How the hell does he know about Arthur?

"What the fuck happened Mordred?"

I watch my brother stare at the white tiled floors in silence for a long time before he finally has the courage to look back at me.

"Tell me you didn't stab Arthur?"

There are tears welling in my eyes because I know this conversation is not going to be a good one.

* * *

><p><em>Alright this is the first half of Everyone, and I will try to get the second half out soon. There has been an interest in both a sequel, and an epilogue, but I think I'm going to just do an epilogue. I do have many ideas for a sequel, but I don't know how long the updates will take, and I don't want to leave you guys waiting for a really long time in between chapters like before. Though, I'll probably be making the epilogue very long because they're so many loose ends that need tying up, and I hope that by the end of the epilogue you'll feel like everything was all cleared up for the characters.<em>

_Thank you for reading, and please review to tell me what your thoughts are about this chapter, and or the decision to do an epilogue:)_


	11. Everyone II

**Title:** In Our Own Skins (8b/8)  
><strong>Author: ceecee_05<strong>  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M (this chapter contains swearing)  
><strong>CharactersPairings (In this chapter):** Gwen, Merlin, Lance, Mordred, Elaine, Gwaine, Arthur, Uther, and Morgause  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> NONE  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Arthur's fighting to stay alive, and emotions run high as everyone tries to cope with the situation.  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> _Damn_, s_o we are finally at the last chapter of the story before the epilogues! I'm sure there were a lot of people worried we would never make it to this point, but here we are. Again this chapter is from everyone's POV, so when __**-o-**__ is shown it means the character perspective has shifted to someone else. I hope that this shift is clear enough for those reading. This is probably the longest chapter because of all the different perspectives. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this. I apologize in advance for any errors__, and happy reading!:)_

* * *

><p><strong>Everyone II<br>**

I'm doing my best not to panic like Gwaine said, but I can't stop thinking about the possibility that Arthur will die. One second we're talking about potential baby names, and the next he's in hospital from a stab wound!

I can't help feeling like I'm in some sort of nightmare, but after I close my eyes I always open them to the same sight.

I hate this room. The waiting is intolerable, and I can't take not knowing how Arthur's doing. I just need to know that he's going to be okay, and not one of these nurses or doctors has told me that yet!

Arthur and I are supposed to be together forever, so I don't understand why any of this is happening.

At the sound of the doors opening I quickly look up expecting to see Merlin returning. After he left I assumed he went to get a bag of crisps or something, but the appearance of a very intimidating looking Uther Pendragon sends a rather icy chill down my spine. His eyes eventually land on me, and he quickly strides forward.

He looks anything but pleased to see me.

-o-

I can see Gwen's body quickly tense, and so I glance in the direction where her eyes are locked. When I spot the man from all the posters around Albion my shoulders straighten. That's Arthur's father!

Uther Pendragon looks a little haggard, but is dressed in a well tailored three piece black suit with a white shirt underneath his black vest, and a blood red tie. His hair is clearly graying, but he still looks good for his age.

He's almost right in front of us, and I can see Gwen visibly readying herself for what is sure to be a rather nasty confrontation.

"What the hell are you doing here? How did you even hear about Arthur's condition?"

I'm expecting Gwen to cower away from Mr. Pendragon, but she actually surprises me when she rises from her chair and glares at him. I'm sure Gwen meant to intimidate him by standing, but really she's so petite that the action barely gives off that impression at all. Though, it does successfully draw Mr. Pendragon's attention to her very rounded stomach.

"What in the bloody hell is that?"

Gwen moves to open her mouth, but it seems Mr. Pendragon wasn't really looking for a response.

"I kept telling Arthur you were nothing more than a whore, and now look at you! Do you even know who the father of your bastard is? And don't you dare bother claiming it's my son's child. I won't see you get a penny out of him!"

Gwen cowers back at little, and unconsciously puts her hand on her stomach, almost as if to shield the child from Mr. Pendragon's cruel words. He'd uttered them with such disgust and contempt that I can't help but be angered on Gwen's behalf.

I quickly lift my hand and strike him as hard as I can across the face. I know that I must be mad to hit the Mayor of Albion, but I couldn't stand to see how he was treating Gwen. I'm sure if Arthur were here he'd have done the same. So as insane as I know I am for laying hands on THE Uther Pendragon, I find solace in the thought that it would have made Arthur proud to know someone was looking out for Gwen and their unborn child.

"How dare you! You do not want to make an enemy out of me girl."

He gently rubs his hand across his reddening cheek as he glares daggers at me. I can admit that his threat makes my heart beat much faster in my chest, but I will not let him intimidate me. Gwen's kind of my friend now, and it was Arthur that taught me that friends look out for each other.

"And you Uther, should watch the way you speak to young girls. Wouldn't want it getting in the papers that our wonderful Mayor threatens school girls now would you?"

I watch as Mr. Pendragon turns and narrows his eyes at the blond woman who has just entered the waiting room with Gwaine and Lance flanking her on each side. The woman is openly mocking Mr. Pendragon, and I have to bite my cheek to stop myself from laughing at him when he notices all the other people in the room are now staring at him curiously.

"No of course not! I would never threaten anyone, let alone a child. I was merely trying to explain to this young lady how unbecoming it was of her to strike me. I only meant to educate her on how rude her behavior was…"

"You mean like when you called my friend a whore, and your unborn grandchild a bastard?"

The look Uther Pendragon gives me actually makes me shiver, and I try to move as far away from him as I can without falling back onto my vacated chair. His eyes actually look like he's trying to murder me with his mind.

"You what?"

Gwaine quickly rushes forward, but the blond woman immediately pulls him back. Mr. Pendragon's lucky she did, because from the look on Gwaine's face he wouldn't have hesitated to hurt his uncle.

"Mum let go!"

Oh wow she's Gwaine's Mum! They really don't look anything alike. I would have never guessed.

Gwaine's mother ignores him, and keeps her eyes locked on Mr. Pendragon.

"Now Uther that isn't true is it? Surely you wouldn't speak so crudely to the mother of your future grandchild? Only a monster would do something like that."

I'm somewhat amused when it looks like Mr. Pendragon's shrinking away from Gwaine's Mum's icy glare. I wonder why she's able to make Arthur's father so scared?

"Of course not! I was merely trying to impress upon this young lady the severity of lying about the paternity of a child. It would not be fair to try and con my son into raising a child she knows isn't his."

"HOW DARE YOU!"

I actually have to step in front of Gwen when she tries to jump on Mr. Pendragon so she can hit him. Sometimes I think she forgets just how pregnant she is.

"This is Arthur's baby! And regardless of whether you accept it or not our child is going to be a part of your family!"

Mr. Pendragon slowly strides towards Gwen until my body is the only thing blocking his way, and then lowers himself so he's eye level with her.

"_Your bastard will never be accepted into my family! Arthur will soon realize the mistake he made in dallying with such filth, and when he does I will ensure that you never darken my doorstep ever again._"

I glare at Mr. Pendragon before turning to embrace Gwen after his nasty words, but she side steps me, and moves directly in front of him.

"I want to, but I can't even bring myself to be angry at you Mr. Pendragon because I know that treating me the way you do will only push Arthur further and further away from you."

Mr. Pendragon looks anything but convinced by Gwen's words, yet his bravado does seem to slip just a bit.

"You will spend your entire life waiting for Arthur to stop loving me because he never will; and I will never stop loving him. No matter how many times you threaten or bribe me to."

Mr. Pendragon looks like he's going to hit Gwen, so I quickly move in front of her, but the blow never comes. He just stands there watching her, for what I'm not exactly sure.

"Is there anyone here for Arthur Pendragon?"

All of us waiting there for Arthur seem to still at the sight of the nurse and doctor standing at the waiting room door. Then we immediately gather our bearings and run to them both yelling question after question that we never give them enough time to answer.

-o-

I grasp tightly to my mother's hand unable to look anywhere but the two sets of eyes in front of me. Everyone around me is yelling for answers – even Lance, but I can't bring myself to formulate any words.

Both the doctor and the nurse have expressionless faces, and that only makes me even more anxious. Surely if Arthur was alright they wouldn't be in front of us looking like they've never smiled a day in their lives?

"Alright, if you can all quiet down for a second we can tell you how Mr. Pendragon's surgery went."

The room is immediately blanketed in a deafening silence, even the sounds from the few quiet conversations that were happening behind me seem to have stopped.

They've gotta say Arthur's going to be okay. I…I just can't imagine otherwise.

"There was some difficulty during the surgery, and we lost him…"

I know my mum's squeezing my hand harder, but I can barely feel her touch on my skin. I can't even hear the rest of the words leaving the doctor's lips because I feel like I'm about to pass out. Arthur can't be…He wouldn't just leave like that. I never even got to say goodbye.

I can almost feel myself starting to go numb, but before I succumb to the temptation not to feel anymore, I finally notice the relief on so many of the faces around me. The sight of it slowly brings back my hearing, and I quickly turn away from my mother's reassuring smile and back to the doctor.

"We're hoping that he'll be fully recovered in a few weeks, but with a surgery like that there's always the possibility of complications. The stab wound was very close to Mr. Pendragon's heart, but from what we gathered there doesn't seem to have been any contact. If there was there's nothing more we'll be able to do for him, so we just need to make sure he survives the night without hemorrhaging."

He's not dead…Arthur's not dead!

-o-

I hear Gwaine's heavy sigh of relief, and I quickly turn to him but he keeps his head bowed.

I steal a glance at Gwen, and have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. She's pulling on her shirt to keep her hands in place because it's obvious she's trying not to throw herself into the doctor's arms at the news.

I watch her sadly, but not for the reason I thought I would. I'm sad because she had to go through this, not because Arthur's okay. I'm actually quite happy to hear Arthur's made it out of surgery alive. He and I may not have ever been considered close, but he's important to so many people that I love.

It still hurts to know that the girl I've loved since I first laid eyes on her is completely over me, yet I have to admit that it doesn't hurt as much as it did before. Gwen and I were good together, but we weren't good enough. She's always been fond of Arthur, and now I know that regardless of what happened with Morgan and I she'd still have found her way to him. Who knows maybe I'll find someone else too? Maybe I'm still allowed to find my own happily ever after?

I unconsciously turn my eyes to Elaine, and notice that she turned her head away from me as soon as she saw me looking at her. Had she been watching me?

She's staring straight ahead at the doctor as he speaks with Mr. Pendragon about Arthur's current condition, and anything that can be done to secure he survives the night, but I know she's not really listening to them. Elaine's biting her lip the way she always does when she's anxious, but Arthur getting out of surgery should have made her less edgy, right?

I take small steps towards her and cautiously entwine our hands. I'm a little nervous because she doesn't acknowledge me in any way, but she doesn't remove her hand either. I can feel the coldness seeping from her body in waves, and so I squeeze her hand to get her to relax, but it seems to have the opposite effect. Instead of Elaine smiling at me like she usually does when I hold her hand, she looks at me with anger, and what I can only describe as hurt before pulling her hand firmly from my grasp, and storming out of the room.

Gwaine gives me a pointed look, and then nods his head in her direction. He wants me to go after her, but why? I didn't do anything. She was the one who went barmy for no reason.

I must have been hesitating for too long because Gwaine's actually just walked up to me with the coldest look I've ever seen him direct my way.

"If you don't move your arse, and follow that girl right fucking now…I promise that I'm going to fuck up your shit in front of all these people."

I watch him in shock for a few minutes before his face softens.

"Just go after her Lance. You know you want to."

I look at the door Elaine stormed out of only a few moments ago through the corner of my eye, and then to the floor. I do want to go after her, but for some reason I'm scared.

"Why am I scared?"

I close my eyes, and then bite my tongue when I realize I've said that aloud. I was not meant to say that out loud! Shit!

"Why don't you go find out?"

Gwaine is looking at me expectantly; with a hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his lips, and for some reason that look has always been infectious.

He gently pats me on the shoulder before pushing me towards the door, and I gulp before continuing on my way outside of the room.

-o-

I feel like I'm floating on air at the news, and can't even formulate words of thanks to the doctor for what he's done for Arthur. I don't care that they've been making us wait in here with no information because that doesn't matter anymore. They've saved him, and that's all that matters.

I jump a little when I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders, but relax when I'm pulled into Gwaine's arms. I can feel the salt on my lips, but I hadn't known I was crying. I don't care though because these are tears of joy. Arthur's alive!

I tune out the sounds of Mr. Pendragon and Gwaine's mother speaking to the nurse and doctor to focus on my own relief. I had been so scared I was going to lose him, but to know that he's alright…words can't describe my happiness.

"It's going to be okay now Gwen."

"I know"

I allow myself to sink further into Gwaine's embrace, and gently wrap my arms around him. I know everything's going to be fine now. Arthur hasn't left me.

-o-

Mordred eventually calms down enough to tell me the entire story, many parts of which I wish I had never heard. I couldn't even look at him as he spoke to me, and had to force myself not to be sick on the floor when he told me he'd forced himself on Gwen. After those words I'd listened to his story almost as if I were in a dream, and couldn't even register any emotion on my face when Mordred told me that Morgan had stabbed Arthur to save him from being strangled to death. I love my brother, I truly do, but at his words I couldn't help but want to strangle him myself. He's the reason for all of this! If he hadn't hurt Gwen Arthur would never have attacked him, and Morgan would never have stabbed Arthur.

When he's finally finished recounting his story I stare at the wall before me in stunned silence; the only sound around the two of us is Mordred's hushed sobs. After a few minutes of my silence Mordred eventually breaks down again, and begs for my forgiveness, but I still can't bring myself to look at him. How can I ever forgive someone I don't think deserves it? Brother or not, I can't just forgive Mordred for what he's done.

I slowly lift myself up off of the floor, and shakily run my hands over my trousers as tears form in the corners of my eyes. I'd always known Mordred wasn't the kindest person in the world, but I'd never thought him capable of something as heinous as rape. Yes, Mordred had always liked to torture me, but he'd never done anything to other people, well besides Arthur, but that had just been because of his association with me.

I turn away from Mordred and begin my journey back down the poorly lit corridor that led me here.

"Merlin"

I stop at the sound of my brother's scared and defeated whimper. I know he's sorry for what he's done. Mordred may be a lot of things, but I know deep down he's not an evil person.

I try to bring myself to turn around and look at him, but I can't. I just can't look at him right now.

"Yes Mordred?"

The words feel heavy on my tongue in a way they never have before. I can feel my fatigue draining me, and my legs buckle a little, but I refuse to allow the weight of this new found knowledge to break me.

"What do I do now?"

I close my eyes and bite my tongue to stop myself from lashing out at him. He sounded so lost and meek that I can't even recognize the strong boy I've grown up with these last sixteen years. Right now Mordred needs guidance, and I know what to say to him even though it's something I know he's not going to like to hear. Hell, I wish I didn't have to say this to him either.

"You've gotta do the right thing and take responsibility for what you've done Mordred."

I bow my head towards the floor as I open my eyes, and then swallow down my tears.

"There are coppers everywhere in this hospital. Maybe it's time you told one of them what you did."

I don't wait for Mordred to react to my words before running as fast as my tired legs will carry me away from this tainted hallway.

I know Mordred will do what I told him to. He did something horrible, but he's not a bad person. Regardless of what happens to him I have to try and remember that.

Mordred will do the right thing and take responsibility for his actions. I know he will. _He has to._

-o-

I can't believe Lance! What is it about Gwen that he's so in love with? Yes she's a kind person, but she's not perfect!

After hearing that Arthur made it safely through surgery I couldn't have been happier, but then I turn my head and see Lance watching Gwen… as usual. Why is nothing I do enough? Why can't he see me instead of her? Aren't I good enough for him to love? Is there something wrong with me? Well there must be because I'm the only one stupid enough to believe that I have a chance against Guinevere bloody Leodegrance!

I fall onto the chilly wooden bench in front of the main entrance to the hospital, and wring my hands with barely suppressed tears. I shouldn't blame Lance when it's really my fault our friendship is never going to work. My feelings for Arthur were never as strong as they are for Lance now, and no matter how much I want to be in his life I also know I'll never be able to watch him date girls that aren't me.

I wrap my arms around my shoulder when a cool breeze makes me shiver, and sigh in resignation as my eyes lock with the bright full moon in the sky. Uh, who am I kidding? I can't blame Lance for not returning my feelings. I knew even before my heart started accelerating at the mere mention of his name that he already belonged to Gwen, and now it seems that no matter what happens he always will. Maybe him going away to France is a good thing? With him gone I'll have the opportunity to move on, and then hopefully find someone who can return my feelings.

The damn oaf just had to be so bloody amazing, even with all his flaws. Lance is always trying to be perfect, and he convinces so many people that he is, but I know that he's just as lost and insecure as the rest of us at Camelot.

"Umm…Would it be alright if I sat with you? I mean you're not going to leg it again if I do right?"

I jump a little in my seat, and then quickly turn my head to look up at Lance standing only a few feet beside me. I don't know whether or not to be angry or happy at the sight of him, but I quickly settle with anger when his words finally resonate.

"I didn't leg it! I just wanted some air!"

I know it's probably not the most refined thing to yell at someone outside of a hospital, but Lance's ignorance has finally pushed me to my limit. Does he really not understand my feelings, or is he just trying to pretend they aren't there to protect our friendship? Honestly isn't he supposed to be a romantic? Shouldn't he be able to notice love when it stares into his eyes every time I look at him?

"Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have assumed. I just…uh…Shit. I …I just don't really understand why you're angry with me, and I don't like you angry with me. If I did something wrong can you just tell me so I can fix it, and then we can go back to being friends?"

I want to glare at him for looking so damn adorable in his nervousness, but I can't seem to find the energy. All of a sudden I feel so tired, and I just really want to tell Lance I love him so I don't have to worry about hiding my feelings anymore.

My eyes wander back to the soothing light of the moon, and I shake my head to rid myself of all the insecurities I have about finally telling Lance the truth. If I never tell him I'll wonder about what could have been for the rest of my life, and I already have enough regrets as it is.

"We can never go back Lance."

"What, why?"

I hear the desperation in his voice, and I can no longer fight back my tears as they gently slide down my cheeks. I never knew he valued my friendship so much.

"Elaine, please tell me what's wrong. You know how much I hate to see you cry."

He drops onto the seat beside me, and gently cradles me in his arms. I know he's trying to soothe me, but his actions seem to be doing the opposite. When my tears turn into heavy sobs Lance simply holds me tighter, and softly rubs my back until I'm able to get myself under some semblance of control.

"Elaine, I'm sorry for whatever I did that hurt you. You know I wouldn't do it purposely. I mean I care about you a lot. I pretty much…"

I don't know how to react when Lance stiffens in my arms. What's just happened? What was he going to say?

"_Lance?_"

I can hear the evidence of my tears still laced in my voice, but I ignore the sound of my earlier weakness and try to be strong. If I don't finally embrace my feelings they're going to destroy me from the inside out.

"Lance I…"

I can't bear to look him in the eye as I make the declaration. I'd rather just hear Lance's rejection, than to also see the pity in his eyes when he tells me he doesn't return my feelings.

"I love you"

I know there's no question of whether or not the words are true, and I grab onto Lance's jumper a little bit tighter when I register that he's the one who's said them. I quickly turn to him in shock, and he just looks at me, but in a way he's never looked at me before. This is the look he's always given to Gwen, a look of complete and utter adoration and love.

"You love me?"

He gently lifts his arm from around my body and brings it to rest on my cheek, and I can't help but melt into his touch. He doesn't say anything, just nods his head with a smile and that beautiful look of love still blazing in his eyes. Lance loves me.

I always knew I'd be happy if by some miracle Lance was ever able to return my feelings, but this sort of joy is overwhelming. I always used to think those stupid lines in books about people's hearts feeling like their actually bursting from their chests was bullocks, but now I finally understand. I never want the warmth caressing every part of my body to ever fade away, but more than anything I don't ever want the bright light of love in Lance's eyes to ever dim.

"I love you too, you complete idiot."

I smile at him in utter happiness, and he laughs as his head lowers towards mine.

"I am an idiot aren't I?"

His face is now so close to mine that I can actually feel his breath on my lips, but he doesn't move any further. He just keeps his eyes locked on mine as he waits. Oh Lance, forever a gentleman.

"Yeah, but from now on you're my idiot."

"Is that right?"

"Uh huh, now why don't you hurry up and kiss me before I have to go find someone who will."

I'd always dreamed about how wonderful a kisser Lance would be, but damn did that boy give me a pleasant surprise!

-o-

The walk to Arthur's room is silent, and filled with an overwhelming anxiousness. I follow closely beside Gwaine as his mother and Mr. Pendragon keep a steady pace in front with the nurse escorting us. I know all three of them are hesitant at what we'll find once we enter Arthur's room, but it doesn't matter to me as long as he's alive. I've had to deal with death before, and I honestly don't know if I'd have been strong enough to deal with it a second time.

"Alright, so I ask that all of you remain conscious to the fact that Mr. Pendragon has just come out of a truly delicate surgery and should not be put under stress of any kind. We have informed him of the possibility that he may not survive the night, and he's taken the news surprisingly well considering. He is still suffering from pain, so I would advise that you all touch him as little as possible if you can. He's also groggy from all the medication he received during surgery, so don't expect him to be too lucid right now. If there are any issues that you have please come and find me at the nurse's station, or press the big red button on the console attached to Mr. Pendragon's bed."

With one final smile the nurse leaves the four of us to loiter outside of Arthur's door. I keep my eyes locked on the floor as I wait for one of them to open the door, my hand unconsciously rubbing soothing circles on my stomach. I know that Mr. Pendragon will find a way to keep me away from Arthur if I draw too much attention to myself, and being the first one to walk into Arthur's room is about as presumptuous as I can get right now, so I wait impatiently for someone to muster up the courage to open it.

The minutes that tick by quickly begin to feel like hours as we all simply stand in silence before Arthur's door, and I nudge Gwaine in the side none too gently to force him into some kind of action.

"So um…Uncle, maybe you should do the honours of opening the door?"

My nod to Gwaine is the only thanks I give as I wait for Mr. Pendragon to finally turn the knob, but he hesitates. What the hell is he waiting for? I need to make sure Arthur's really alright, and all this waiting is driving me insane.

Eventually Mr. Pendragon takes a long inhale of breath, and then opens the door to Arthur's room. I allow everyone to walk ahead of me so I don't draw too much attention to myself, but I can't help the small gasp that leaves my lips at the sight before me. There sitting up in his rather large hospital bed is my Arthur. He looks tired, and his hair is disheveled, but to me he's breathtaking.

When his deep azure eyes land directly on me I can no longer fight back the tears brimming in my eyes. I've never felt so relieved in all my life.

"Arthur, I don't want you to worry about anything while you're in here. I'll take care of everything, and you'll have the very best care that money can buy."

"You know you're a right nob for making us all worry the way you did."

"_Gwaine!_"

"What? He is."

"We're just glad you're doing alright Arthur."

They're all talking to him, but his eyes don't leave mine, and eventually I grow shy under his penetrating gaze. He's drawing too much attention to us, and I know his father will not approve of that.

When I lift my eyes up from the ground I notice no one has moved any closer to Arthur's bed, and they all just look awkward watching him the way they are.

I know I shouldn't do it; I'd already planned on blending into the background so as not to incur Mr. Pendragon's wrath later on, but right now I can't bring myself to care. Arthur's here and conscious, and really that's all that matters to me.

"Hello Arthur"

I slowly make my way closer to his bed, sidestepping everyone on my way, and ignoring the look of hatred Mr. Pendragon sends me as I pass him.

"_Guin…ev…er…e_"

His voice is gruff as he says my name, and he's forced to take his time as he speaks, but it still sounds like music to my ears. I feared that I would never hear him say my name ever again, and now… I swallow the lump in my throat as more tears begin to pour down my face.

"Do..n't…cry"

I take great care to watch the many tubes attached to the machines by his bed as I lay beside him, and gently take his hand in mine. I stroke it softly so as not to hurt him, and from the contented look on his face I gather that I'm not.

"I've missed you, so much. I was afraid I'd never see you again, and I…"

"What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"Uther!"

I ignore Mr. Pendragon and the argument my presence has caused between he and Gwaine's mother, and softly turn Arthur's face towards me when his eyes stray to them. He looks so vulnerable and pained, and I feel useless because I know there is nothing I can do to take away what has been done to him.

"Well I don't know about you two, but I feel like a bit of a voyeur right now. I think it would be best if we gave the happy couple some time alone to talk, or cuddle, or whatever the hell Arthur's capable of doing right now. I mean he is my family, so I wouldn't be surprised if he can still… you know… after only being out of surgery for a few hours."

I can't help the little giggle that escapes from my throat, and notice Arthur's wearing a small grin of his own.

"Good…id...ea"

Gwaine smirks at Arthur, and I roll my eyes at their vulgarity in such a situation. Arthur will be lucky if he gets a peck on the mouth.

"Absolutely not! I will not support this farce of a relationship between my son and this wh…"

"Uther! I know it was a hard concept for you to remember, but the nurse did say not to give Arthur any stress. I may not be a psychiatrist, but his scrunched eyebrows and prominent scowl seem to imply that you're giving him an unhealthy dose of stress, so perhaps it would be best if you take a walk to cool down."

Again I ignore the voices of Mr. Pendragon and Gwaine's Mum as I carefully lift my hand to caress the tension from Arthur's jaw. He slowly begins to calm, and closes his eyes in relaxation as I continue upwards to stroke his cheek.

I can hear the rather loud clatter of expensive shoes stamping on the floor, and then the immediate slam of a door. Mr. Pendragon's certainly not going to be happy with me the next time he sees me.

"I'm so happy to see you alive and well Arthur. None of us were quite ready to see you go. I hope you start to feel like your old self soon."

"Thanks… Au…nt… Mor…gau…se."

"Of course darling, and don't forget to get some rest."

I hear the door for a second time, yet this time much softer than the last. I don't know Gwaine's Mum all that well, but I quickly decide that I like her very much.

"So, I guess I'm the last straggler."

I can hear footsteps moving closer towards Arthur and I, but I stay situated at Arthur's side. However, I don't want to infringe upon Arthur and Gwaine's moment, so I keep my eyes closed to create the illusion that I'm sleeping.

"You know I wasn't joking earlier. You really did scare the crap out of all of us."

"Sor...ry"

"Don't worry about it. Shit happens right. Just…you know, don't do it again. I don't have any other cousins I know about, and I've already got you trained and all."

The both of them laugh. Arthur's a little more subdued and harsh than Gwaine's.

"Well, I guess I shouldn't make you laugh; you sound even more terrible when you do, but I…I did want to tell you that I'm really happy you're okay, and you know…I love you or whatever."

I smile to myself, and can tell that Arthur's struggling not to cry.

"I…lo…ve…you…too…Gw…aine. Bes…cou…sin…ev…er!"

They laugh once again, and Arthur's sounds just as horrible as before.

"Nice try, but I'm you're only cousin. Nevertheless I'll take it. A compliments a compliment, and it doesn't hurt that it's actually true."

There's silence, yet there isn't any awkward tension in the air, just a calming peace before I hear footsteps moving away from the door.

"I'll come by to visit you later Arthur. Make sure you don't die or anything before then."

"I'll…do…my…bes"

"Well, I can't ask for anymore than that. Goodbye Arthur."

"Bye… Gw…aine"

The door shuts softly behind Gwaine, and now it's just the two of us. I open my eyes to see Arthur's staring directly at me, and once again I take his jaw gently in my hand and caress his stubbly face.

"Gwen"

His voice brings more tears to my eyes, and I begin to wonder if I'll ever stop crying.

"Arthur you shouldn't talk; you need to save your strength."

"I…lo…ve…you"

I nibble on my lower lip to contain the need to weep uncontrollably at his words.

"And I love you too Arthur. God do I love you. I thought I would never see you again, and I couldn't have bared it if anything had happened to you. You don't know how happy I am to see you alive and well."

"Not…too…well."

"No, but alive is certainly a start."

"Yes"

I notice Arthur's eyes drooping a little, and smile at his attempt to try and hide his fatigue from me. He never could just admit to being tired.

"I think maybe we should take a nap. I haven't gotten any sleep, and baby doesn't make late nights very easy on me."

Arthur smiles, and then slowly drags his hand across the bed to my stomach where he rests it rather tenderly.

"My…son…can…be…a…han…ful."

"Or daughter. Remember we didn't want to know when we went for the check up?"

"I…can…see…the…fu…ture."

"Is that right? Well, then tell me we're going to live happily ever after."

He looks away from me and over my head to his monitor steadily beeping in the background.

"I can…'t…see…ev…ery…thin"

"Well all you have to do is open those pretty blue eyes for me in a few hours, and we'll get our happily ever after."

He brings his eyes back to me, and I can no longer fight the urge to kiss him. I lift myself as carefully as I can towards him, and give him a small peck on the lips before retreating to my spot on the bed.

"Ag…ain"

I chuckle at his pout, and give him three more pecks for good measure. We then cuddle up as close as we can without risking pulling out any of his tubes, and slowly drift off to sleep, all the while Arthur's hand remains fixed on my stomach.

-o-

I sit by myself in the waiting room nursing a now cold cup of coffee. Uncle has finally decided to be a parent and made it his mission to get all the information needed to ensure Arthur's safe recovery, and Mum just stepped out for a minute to use the loo. Lance is off hopefully realizing he has romantic feelings for Elaine, and Merlin's God only knows where.

I know I should feel relaxed now after seeing Arthur alive and even speaking, but something doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but my gut instinct is telling me that something's still not right, and no matter how much I tell myself I'm overreacting the feeling won't go away.

I've also just now noticed that someone who should be here is suspiciously absent from the list of hospital attendees. Under normal circumstances Morgan's nonattendance would be expected, but with Arthur just coming out of life threatening surgery I can't imagine why she wouldn't be here sulking in the corner by herself. Uncle hasn't even brought up her absence, or made any mention of Morgan at all since he arrived.

Why isn't Morgan here?

I quickly dial Morgan's number, but it immediately goes to her answering machine. Now I'm certain something's wrong! For as long as I've known Morgan her phone has never been off. She's always been the type to make herself available so she's constantly aware of what's going on around her. For her phone to be off at a time like this can't be a coincidence. What is it Uncle's not saying?

"Gwaine"

I give a quite noticeable jerk in my chair at the sound of my name, and quickly look up to see my Mum standing right in front of me watching me with a teasing smirk. Yup, I definitely got my smirk from her.

"Where were you Gwaine? You almost dropped your coffee on your trousers."

I chuckle a little bit at the news, and calmly place the full cup of coffee at the foot of my chair. Best not to risk a potential accident if I can help it.

"I was just thinking."

"Well I would hope so. Any chance you can tell me anything a little more specific?"

I shake my head, and stare at my shoes so as not to let Mum see the grin that I'm desperately trying to hide. She always knows what to say to make me feel better.

"I was thinking about why Morgan's not here. It just seems strange that she wouldn't be here, even if she and Arthur aren't that close they're practically siblings."

Mum stays silent for almost a full minute, so I lift my eyes from the floor to watch her curiously. She seems to be in deep thought about something, but what that is I cannot say.

"Mum?"

She takes a moment to compose herself before turning to me, and my breathing quickens at the serious expression on her face.

"Mum, what is it?"

My Mum's always looked younger than she is to me, but right now in this moment I can't help but feel like she finally looks her age.

"Uther told me that she's in…"

My focus swiftly shifts because of the loud noise the waiting room doors make when Merlin slams them open. Talk about making an entrance and completely shattering an important conversation.

Merlin hastily rushes over to me and Mum, and I stand when I finally notice the alarm on his face.

"Merlin, what the hell mate? This is a bloody hospital. You can't just go around throwing doors…"

"I was talking to Mordred earlier, and…"

"_Mordred_, what the hell is he doing…"

The epiphany finally comes to me, and I start to mentally scold myself for not thinking of it earlier. Who hates Arthur? Who has always been one step away from seriously injuring him – Mordred. Mordred must have stabbed Arthur. He's the one that tried to kill my little cousin.

"He was the one wasn't he? The one that put Arthur in that hospital bed?"

My angers blinding me, and I can feel my fists breaking through skin because I've tightened them so much.

"I swear I'll kill him!"

I can feel a hand on my arm, but I instinctively shake it off of me. There's no calming me down right now. Mordred's gone too far. If he thinks he can try and kill my cousin he's got another thing coming. I bet he even tried to make it seem like an accident so he wouldn't get thrown in prison, but I'll get Arthur justice.

"Gwaine, darling, you need to calm down."

"CALM DOWN! That piece of filth tried to murder Arthur, and I'm supposed to just stay calm about it. Well fuck that! As they say, an eye for an eye. Arthur gets a stab wound in his back, so Mordred should get one too.

"Gwaine, stop, my brother didn't stab Arthur. He was just there when it happened. He was the rea…"

My crazed laughter bounces across the room, and I just begin to realize how silent everything around us has become. I can't really blame the other people in the room though; if I were them I'd be listening too.

"He's you're brother Merlin and I know you want to believe him, but can't you see he's using your love for him against you. Stop being so naive! I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're brother is a sick bastard, and he always has been. He told you it was an accident, but the truth is he tried to kill Arthur. He hates him!"

"MORDRED DIDN'T STAB ARTHUR!"

"SURE HE DIDN'T!"

I'm seething with rage, but I'm able to restrain myself from attacking Merlin because he's defending Mordred.

"Gwaine, it wasn't Mordred…"

"Then who was it Merlin? Did Mordred say Arthur fell back onto a sharp knife that just happened to be facing upward?"

I can tell by Merlin's red face that he doesn't appreciate me questioning his intelligence the way I am, but he has to be daft if he believed a word Mordred told him.

"IT WAS MORGAN!"

The anger seems to drain from my face as confusion quickly takes over. Morgan? That doesn't make any sense. Why would Morgan stab Arthur? Mordred has to be lying. Morgan may be a lot of things, but she's never been violent, especially not to Arthur.

"What? That can't be right. Mordred must have lied to y…"

"Morgan stabbed him Gwaine."

"But…"

"He's telling you the truth darling."

I take a small breath and lift my eyes to stare into Mum's tired ones. I immediately realize that this was probably what Mum was going to tell me earlier. Morgan stabbed Arthur, not Mordred. Merlin's not lying.

"Why?"

I feel defeated, and it's the only thing I can think to ask. Why would Morgan hurt Arthur. What could he possibly have done to warrant such a response from her?

"I don't know darling. All Uther would tell me is that she's in hospital now. They're planning… on having her committed."

Committed? What the hell happened? I catch Merlin's eye and he immediately looks away. I know he knows. He said himself that Mordred told him.

"Merlin…"

"Hello everyone!"

Merlin and I break eye contact when we hear Elaine's happy voice echo through the room, and he quickly looks back to me and mouths later. I'm not happy about putting our conversation on hold, but he's right we can talk later in private. Elaine looks really happy, or at least she did before she saw the emotions on the three of our faces.

"Why do you all look like something's happened? Is it Arthur? Is he okay? Where's Gwen?"

Elaine's not the toughest looking girl, but when she runs up to me and grabs my arms in a panic I can feel her practically ripping my muscles in her grip. Damn that girl is stronger than she looks. Though luckily, Lance pries her away from me before she's able to do any serious damage.

"Relax Elaine! Arthur's fine - he's conscious and everything. Gwen's with him right now. We left the two of them in his room about forty minutes ago to have some time alone."

Elaine looks satisfied with my response, and I smirk when she seems to melt into Lance's arm and he tightens his hold on her.

"Where have the two of you been? Mum and I have been waiting in here for a while, and I haven't seen either of you around in all that time?"

I smirk when I notice the rosy blushes on both of their cheeks, and force myself to forget all thoughts of Morgan and what she did to Arthur until later. Lance has finally stopped being such an idiot, and I don't want to ruin this moment for either of them.

"Well, after Lance made it very clear that he loves me we went to go get some pizza, but don't worry we bought a whole one for everybody. We figured nobody's really had anything to eat, and so…"

"Wait, Lance said he loves you? So you two are together? As in boyfriend and girlfriend together? Like O M G! Lance I'm so happy for you."

Lance gives me a dirty look, and Elaine tries to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter, but she's failing quite miserably. Merlin just looks happy for the both of them.

"Congratulations"

"Thanks Merlin"

"Yes congratulations all around, but let's remember the truly important part of what Elaine said, which was definitely the food. So where is this pizza that's waiting for me to consume it?"

Lance glares at me, but I can tell he's only taking the piss.

"That was really nice of you two, but I can't really eat pizza, so…"

"Oh Merlin don't worry. We thought that pizza might not be good for you so we got you a garden salad."

"_Weeds_"

"Gwaine!"

"_Sorry Mum_"

I lower my head at the embarrassment of being scolded by Mum in front of everyone, and let the laughs completely die down before lifting it back up.

"Thanks, that was very thoughtful of you both."

I don't know why, but I get the feeling that Merlin isn't actually happy that Lance and Elaine were thoughtful enough to get him a plate of weeds. I wonder why?

"Soooo…What exactly are we waiting for?"

Lance rolls his eyes and takes Elaine's hand as we all leave the waiting room. I'm sure they're a few people that wished we'd never leave. We gave those people a level of entertainment they'll never get again.

Once we leave the hospital building Mum takes her keys out and begins to veer off in a different direction.

"Mum?"

She turns to me with a smile and a small wave.

"I'll see you a little later Gwaine. I have to go pick up Percy and Leon from the airport in an hour. As soon as I told them what happened to Arthur they decided to come straight home."

God, just when I was getting happy news this has to happen.

"Ugh no! Now I'm going to have to deal with them home for the next few weeks."

"Gwaine, don't start. They're your brothers…"

"_More like my terrors_"

"and they want to be here for Arthur."

"Ugh fine!"

I run over and give Mum a hug before she's able to walk any further because I can't blame her for spawning such horrible little demons. Perfection took three tries.

I follow her with my eyes until she's safely in the car, and then join Lance, Elaine, and Merlin who are standing not too far away waiting for me.

"You know what, I think I might just move into Arthur's house so I can be his personal bodyguard."

I can hear the snickers around me, but choose to ignore them. I think it's a good idea.

"Sure mate"

I know the pat that Lance is giving me is meant to be patronizing, so I gently knock his arm off my shoulder.

"No seriously! I think I'd do well in security, but I'd definitely have to get a gun. All real bodyguards have a gun."

The laughter quickly dies, and I look at everyone's uneasy eyes in confusion. What did I say?

"What?"

"The last thing you should ever have is a gun mate. Leave that to the coppers. Wouldn't want you to go and hurt yourself."

Lance and Elaine laugh, but I notice Merlin doesn't. He stops and turns to stare back at the hospital entrance, and I know he wants to go back. He must want to see Arthur.

Lance and Elaine continue walking without us, and in their lovey dovey haze I'm sure they don't even realize that Merlin and I are no longer with them.

"I think you should go back Merlin."

He jumps at the sound of my voice, and quickly turns to me before shaking his head and staring at the ground.

"No, Arthur and Gwen are with each other. I don't want to be a bother and take away their time together."

Merlin's gaze lifts back up to stare at the hospital, and I watch him sadly as he does.

"Just go Merlin. They've had almost an hour alone. I don't think you stopping by for a few minutes is going to cause too many problems, and besides. He's your best mate. I'm sure he wants to see you too."

Merlin slowly brings his eyes from the building to me, smiles, and then nods before starting his walk back.

"Don't forget we still need to finish that conversation later!"

He raises his hand in acknowledgement of my words before starting a slow jog towards the hospital. I watch him all the way to the building to make sure he makes it safely before turning back to the couple cuddling on the side of Lance's car, and begin the short walk to them, but more importantly, to the food.

Later everything will hopefully start to make sense, and maybe in a few years I can pretend this horrible night never happened.

-o-

I gently turn the knob on the door in an attempt to be as quiet as possible, but as I move to close the door behind me I trip over my own feet and slam it much harder than I'd planned. I swiftly turn to make sure I haven't woken the sleeping couple, and give a small sigh of relief when Gwen stirs but doesn't wake.

"_Smooth… as… al…ways… Mer…lin._"

Arthur's eyes slowly open, and my heart beats a little faster at the sound of his whisper. Just a few hours ago I thought I'd never hear him say anything ever again, and now…My emotions quickly get the best of me, and I can soon feel tears sliding down my cheeks, and hampering my vision.

"_You bloody tosser._"

I can hear the traces of my sobs in my whispered reply, but can't really bring myself to care that I'm behaving so emotionally.

Arthur simply laughs as he usually does with that huge ass grin of his, but this time harsh coughs soon rack his body, and I hastily run to pour him a glass of water out of the ewer by his bed. Arthur makes sure to gently push Gwen away from his body so as not to wake her as he slowly moves to take the glass from my outstretched hand.

"_Ta_"

I watch Arthur closely as he takes careful sips of the water. He looks to be in pain as he drinks, and I can't help but cringe as I watch him struggle to even lift the glass with both of his hands. When he looks like he's drank as much as he can stomach I instantly take the glass from his hands.

Once the still full glass of water is sitting on Arthur's table silence quickly descends upon us. Both of us avoid each others' eyes, and I take the opportunity to wipe away all traces of my tears. Right now Arthur doesn't need to see my sadness.

"_Your dad should be by soon. I saw him outside on the phone making some calls. And your aunt went home to pick up your cousins from the airport. They got the first flight in after they heard what happened to you. Oh and Elaine's got some surprising news._"

I don't really know why I'm telling Arthur all of this, but for some reason I can't stop rambling.

"_What's…that?_"

"_Well, I probably shouldn't, but_ _I know you'll hear it eventually. Elaine and Lance are now officially together, so you and Gwen aren't the only happy couple around anymore._"

"_Bout…time._"

Arthur's smile is so wide I can't help but laugh at his display of happiness for Elaine and Lance. He's probably just relieved Lance has finally started moving on from Gwen.

"_You're going to have it so easy when you get out of here. I know Gwen's going to be treating you like a King until you're fully recovered, and Gwaine's already said he's going to be moving in with you so he can be your personal bodyguard. That was actually pretty funny until he started talking about how to get a license to carry a firearm. The idea of Gwaine being able to walk around with a gun quickly wiped the humour right off our faces._"

I chance a glance at Arthur to see if he's returning my smile, but swallow back a grin at the sight of him looking rather forlornly at Gwen's sleeping figure on his uncommonly large hospital bed.

"_Arthur?_"

He doesn't take his eyes off Gwen, but I can tell he's heard me. I hesitantly take a seat at his bedside and wait for him to speak. I've known Arthur for so long now that I can always tell when he's got something on his mind.

"_Mer…lin, I…I wan...no, I need... you… to look… af…ter Gwen… and... the baby… for me. I know Gw…aine... will be... there… for her, but…I really... wan… you… to be... there… too_."

I didn't notice it before, but Arthur's voice sounds hoarse, and it's almost like he's in pain every time he says something.

"_Arthur…_"

"_You've al…ways been… my best... mate Mer…lin, and… I'm sor...ry… that some…times… I act…ed like a…a wan…ker… to you. I was... only ev…er…tak…ing… the piss. I really could…n't… have ask…ed… for a... bet...ter… person… to share… my chil….hood… with, and... I just…hope... that you…_"

"Shut up"

I can easily tell that Arthur's having trouble breathing, and his speech is starting to sound too much like he's saying goodbye.

"_find happ…iness…in life…Mer…lin. You tru…ly…de...serve…it._"

This time it takes me longer to notice I'm crying because my eyes are so focused on the tears coursing down Arthur's face.

"Just stop talking crap Arthur! You're acting like an idiot. You're fine."

_You have to be._

The heart monitor observing Arthur's vitals starts to beep erratically, and my breath instinctively catches in my throat.

What's going on?

He looks like he's falling asleep.

I should go get a nurse?

No, they'll be alerted because of the beeping. They'll be here soon, and right now Arthur needs me with him.

I immediately run up to Arthur's bed and slap him as hard as I can across the face to wake him up.

"Bl...oo…dy… h...ell…Mer…lin!"

"You need to stay awake, okay Arthur. Just stay awake."

"I…can…'t... so… tire...can…'t..brea...th. I'm…sor…ry."

"The doctors are going to be here soon. Just hold on until they get here."

"Lo…ve… you…Mer…lin."

"Fuck! Just shut up! You're going to be fine. Just be quiet, and stay…"

I can see his eyes closing again, and I really begin to panic when it takes more effort to wake him up than before. No matter how many times I hit him he won't open his eyes.

"SOMEBODY HELP! ARTHUR!"

"_Arthur_"

I startle at the sound of Gwen's calm voice in all the loud noise and madness that surrounds me. She's just starting to wake up, and she looks around Arthur's large hospital room in confusion for a moment before her tired eyes land on me. It doesn't take long for Gwen to realize something's wrong, and she finally looks down to see Arthur lying nearly lifeless on the bed.

"_No_"

Her whisper is so heartbreaking it takes everything in me not to completely breakdown at the sound of it.

"Gwen, he needs help."

"Arthur sweetie, you need to open your eyes."

I can tell by the somewhat crazed look in Gwen's eyes that she's quickly losing it, and I know I'm not too far behind.

"Arthur, please, you need to wake up now. Remember our happily ever after."

She's shaking him as hard as her petite frame can muster, and I harshly grab onto my hair and pull in an attempt to reclaim some of my sanity.

This can't be happening.

Where is everyone?

We need help!

_Arthur needs help._

It feels like hours since Arthur's heart rate started going down, but deep down I know it's only been a couple of minutes.

"ARTHUR! Please, don't leave me."

Gwen's words make my stomach drop, and I slowly back away from the bed when I notice the beeping noises from the heart monitor have calmed to one daunting sound.

I know what that sound means, but I can't bring myself to believe it because if what I'm hearing is true it means that my best mate since primary… that Arthur's… that he's…

I can make out nurses and doctors flooding the room through my blurry vision. They're struggling to separate Gwen from Arthur as she kicks and screams in protest, but I can hear nothing at all as the blood rushes to my head.

I can feel myself becoming faint as the situation finally starts to resonate, yet I do my best to fight my body's need to escape.

The nurses have finally succeeded in prying Gwen away from Arthur, but their attempts at resuscitation seem to be failing. I think I spot Mr. Pendragon yelling, though I honestly can't tell who exactly his screams are directed at.

I can tell I don't have much longer. My body feels too light, and I can see spots at the corner of my vision. The entire thing just doesn't feel real anymore, and I almost feel like I'm having an out of body experience.

The last thing I see before my body falls to the floor and I lose consciousness with the rest of the world is blood. So much crimson blood dripping down Gwen's legs as a nurse clutches her arm and screams for what I can only assume, is help.

* * *

><p><em>Alright so that is the end before the epilogues. It took me forever to finish writing this because I couldn't bring myself to write the ending. I know many people are going to be sad about the way things ended for Arthur (even as the Author I can relate), but if you've ever seen Skins you know they usually don't end too happily. They're will be either two or three more epilogue chapters just to tie everything up, and then we'll really be done. Thank you again for reading, and I hope that you won't give me too many angry reviews for the ending.<em>


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